


Instinct

by SpiritQuartz



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-04-30 03:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 54,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5148665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritQuartz/pseuds/SpiritQuartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 5A. Who and what made Mara the way she is? How much can she fight not only her own nature, but the natures of those around her. Possible triggers for self harm and abuse by a parent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life Support

**Author's Note:**

> No copyright infringement intended, and I don't get paid.

No infringement intended. Possible triggers for self-harm and abuse.

* * *

Mara knelt on the ground, her mother's arm over her shoulder. There was blinding light and powerful wind.

When the dust settled, Mara looked over, bewildered to see another body still on Charlotte's other side. Mara crawled over to the  _other_  her, shaking her by the shoulders. She wasn't responding.

Great, now Mara would have to actually  _talk_  to her.

"Audrey? Audrey! Snap out of it!"

The washed out blonde opened her eyes and a dry, rasping cough tore through her. Duke and Nathan came running and Mara began a personal internal diagnostic as she gently let Nathan take Audrey from her.

"What happened?" Mara barked at Charlotte. "What did you do?"

"I- I tried to combine you, to put her back inside you!"

Mara's results hit her brain, and she took the most important facts, leaving the rest for later scrutiny.

"Liar. That was never your intention. You tried to kill me and give Audrey my abilities! You know what that would have done to ths town! You'd have left them trapped like they're in a bottle!"

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked.

Mara was tempted to look heavenward for flying pigs. Nathan had asked her a question and she was actually going to answer him.

"If I die, Haven gets ripped out of this world, stuck in between worlds. A town in a bottle, trapped mid-Void. Nobody in, nobody out. It's like a total eclipse, she must have thought it was her lucky day- having a genetically ideal copy of me to download my abilities into. A more willing host, someone who doesn't have our history."

"That's ridiculous. I need to examine Audrey."

Mara scrambled between the two women, snarling at Charlotte. "If you try to touch her I swear I will kill you here and now. Get out of here, Momma. Walk away now and you can go with your life. I doubt William would give you the same option."

Charlotte eyed Mara for a moment with undisguised loathing. "This isn't over. You'll beg me for help."

"For your sake, you should hope this is over. You won't walk away a second time."

Charlotte glared, clambering to her feet. She opened her mouth and Mara stood, tense and ready.

Charlotte ran.

Mara turned back to Audrey, examining her. There was a chance... she took Audrey's hand, carefully pushing the smallest bit of her own Aether into the fading blonde. Her cough settled immediately and her color got visibly better.

"Okay, I can help her, but you need to get her somewhere she can rest, I won't do this here on the ground. Hell, take her to the  _Rouge_. It's something you can defend and she can safely rest. I'll meet you there. Please, I swear I will explain everything, but get her somewhere first." Nathan quickly lifted Audrey and sprinted for the Bronco.

"Whoa, wait! What about me? What's going to happen to me?" Duke was talking with his hands again, and Mara was surprised he didn't accidentally hit people more often.

"You're fine, nothing will happen. You won't go off unless something happens to me. I'll explain everything when we get there, but I don't want to do this here." She stood up and dusted her clothes off, leading the way to the Land Rover.

Inside, she pressed her face against the glass.

"What happened, Mara?"

"She tried to kill me and give Audrey my body- or more specifically, my abilities. She failed."

"Why did it fail?"

"She couldn't disperse me because I'm not alone. Apparently I'm pregnant."

Duke hit the brakes so hard she flew into her seat belt.

"Un-fucking-believable! I sleep with you all of  _once_  and you're somehow carrying my demon spawn?"

"Twice, technically, and you slept nowhere near me. You may not like me, but I'm not a  _demon_. I'm asking you for nothing. I don't need you to like me or take care of me.  _Or_  the 'demon spawn'. I didn't even  _know_  until after she failed! We're only a few minutes from the boat, let me fix her and finish your cure and then you can drop my stuff off for me. I promise you I will only touch you once more, to finish your cure, and then you're rid of me.  _Go, Duke_. Audrey won't stay well."

He muttered, but they were moving forward again.

Mara jumped out of the Land Rover before it had even stopped completely, getting into the boat before Duke. Nathan must have unlocked it- they had beaten Duke and Mara because of Duke's roadside tantrum. At least that saved them sitting through a tense silence as they waited.

Mara looked carefully at Audrey, giving her a general once-over. "You'll be fine, I'll be able to fix you by the end of the evening. Just take it easy."

Audrey nodded, expression uncertain.

Nathan was staring at her. "You said you'd explain?"

She flopped back in a chair, one hand absently rubbing her abdomen. Her eyes were far away, staring into the distant past.

"You all know the stories. Every 27 years I come back, and the Troubles come at the same time. That I help Troubled people, and when the Barn comes, I go, taking the Troubles with me. Yet somehow people are still happy to see me. Did you ever ask yourselves why? If the Troubles come when I do, they should dread my return. But I can tell you exactly why. Because the things that come when I'm not here are worse. Sure, the Troubles come when I do. But you know what stays away while I'm here?  _The rest of my family_. The minute I'm gone? You guys are back to experiments and memory alteration. You don't even know to be afraid.

"Where I come from, some people are born with unusual abilities- or disabilities, depending on the situation. My mother isn't gifted- the only reason she can cross the Void at all anymore is because of the ring she had us make her. Anyway, she started training us here when we were very young- toddlers, by your estimation. My twin and I. Our education consisted of learning how to use Aether against people. " She twirled her free hand over her head, gesturing at the whole town. "All these Troubles? Most were done before I even turned 10."

She gazed at them calmly. "Any of you do things you regretted when you were 10? No? Sleds, tacks, scissors. Yeah, I know your terrible secrets. All those Troubles out there? Those are mine. We're even."

She tapped her nails on the arm of the chair with her free hand. "My brother and I, we'd get dropped off here to do our work. Eventually, this boy- Samuel. Damn, he was so funny. He used to be waiting for us- me and my brother- and he was either the sneakiest boy who ever lived or he was the kindest. I still can't tell which. He would be there waiting and he always made up the funniest stories about us. That we were magic or spirits or angels. He started telling us about humans. I don't know if he even understood what he was doing, but he talked us into not giving out Troubles anymore. Convinced us that humans were worthwhile. No matter how badly people treated him, he was always there, always willing to help.

"We tried. We tried everything. But we weren't able to remove Troubles. So Samuel, gods rest him, he said 'fight fire with fire'. He figured if we couldn't directly remove Aether, we should make a Trouble that could. He volunteered. So yeah, Duke. That Trouble running through you? I made that. My brother couldn't. He had abilities, but he had to work with me to accomplish much. I was the only one who was able to give Troubles."

She idly traced shapes on her belly. "Samuel. I hadn't given a Trouble in months, but it worked. My brother and I went with him, and I don't know- maybe I screwed it up, maybe he just enjoyed the blood-rush too much. He wouldn't release the Aether, and so the only way to extract all the Aether was to kill the Troubled person. I tried to fix him, but, as I said,  _I can't remove Troubles_. I couldn't fix him. He blamed me for making him a killer, and we lost our only human friend."

She slapped her hands down on the arm of the chair, leaning toward them and resting her elbows on her knees. "So, we made a show of it for awhile, and I started repairing Troubles, trying to at least make them safer if I couldn't get rid of them. At first, my brother helped me." Her expression was a mix of affection and anger. "Soon enough, though, my mother realized there weren't enough new Troubles. To protect me, my brother started adjusting the Troubles of people we'd gotten previously, then he started making gifts- good things- turn bad. Adjusting the gifts I'd given. At some point, he got tired of it. He brought Momma through, she saw me correcting a broken gift- he said "See, I told you!" and that was my last memory as a free being, The Barn, the personalities, the meteors, and here we all are again."

She stood, loudly slapping her thighs as she did. "So my mother finds out the Barn is gone and comes looking. Finds her dream come true. My exact double, but without my history. The guy she's in love with and the ability to lock the entire town up- she knew killing me would move the town into the Void, she's the one who made it that way in the first place. All she'd have to do is threaten to hurt Nathan and BAM! Mara 2.0."

She felt the stir, the call of the Aether waking within Duke. She turned to face him, and she had to really try this time to keep her expression neutral. "It's time, Duke. Time to do the last part of your cure. I told you I'd have to touch you. After this, I can help her, and then I'm out. I'll get my things from here and the boat house and you can go about your business." She dug her fingers into the skin of her arm. She felt unusually anxious.

He was staring at her with an inscrutable look on his face. Silver flashed briefly across his eyes as the Aether woke within him. "What do I have to do?" His voice was sullen, body language closed off. Mara wanted to cry for a moment, but dug her nails in further.

"There are several ways, but most involve more touching than you'd be comfortable with."  _Kissing_ , she thought to herself. "I suppose we can get by with just touching our hands together and standing very close. Just- here, before it kicks in, just face me and press your palms against mine." She moved him into position, as close as she could stand without actually touching his body. Their hands stayed pressed together as Duke started to shiver.

"Duke, don't fight it, it will only make it harder. Try to relax as much as you can. You just have to let go of the rest of the Aether stored in you. I won't let it turn into Troubles, but you need to let go so you don't end up like Samuel. Come on, Duke. The sooner you get it out the sooner I'm out of your life. What more motivation do you need?"

Her voice was sharper than she intended, her hurt showing. But it was enough to flip his eyes silver, and Mara braced herself, opening her mouth in preparation.

Black fog began to billow from Duke's mouth and eyes, and Mara leaned close so she could breath it in directly. No sense making a spectacle. She absorbed every drop, every single bit that would have caused a terrible, malprogrammed Trouble if Mara hadn't been there for it to be expelled. Even blind and drowning, she wondered what this would have been like if he'd been making love to her instead of standing, barely touching her, hating her and the baby she'd conceived by him. Mara cried internally for Duke and for that baby. How unfair that he should hate his child just because Mara was the one carrying it. Her eggs were genetically no different than Audrey's.

She was sure he wouldn't hate this baby or call it demon-spawn if Audrey had been the pregnant one.

Mara was just starting to be truly worried about suffocation when Duke's muscles went slack. It took another second for Mara to take in the last of the Aether, and she closed her eyes, regretfully pulling her hands away from Duke's. But she had promised. Last touch.

Time to do her last job here so she could collect her meager belongings and find somewhere to hide. She couldn't leave Haven even if she wanted to- she was literally bound to the town. But she could find plenty of little holes to lay low. They may not have cable TV and popsicles, but they would do.

Her hand was on her belly again as she spoke to Duke while turning to Audrey. "If I have any of my things here, will you please throw them in a plastic bag for me?"

Kneeling before Audrey, Mara couldn't help but stare. Why was she so different? Mara had been trying to atone for hundreds of years, not just the 500 she was locked in the barn for. Hell, she'd been locked up simply  _because_  she was trying to atone, but it didn't matter. They loved  _her_.

But Mara didn't need love. Mourning the fact that Duke was disgusted by her pregnancy was as pointless as crying about the fact that her twin no longer loved her. She didn't need these people- when you let people in, you got hurt. It was a simple fact.

She realized with a start that there was blood on her hands. Her own, from the look of it. She'd scratched her arms too hard. Something felt off about that- Mara had been hurting herself rather a lot lately, and that alone was unlike her. She'd have to fully review the diagnostic soon to make sure there was nothing else wrong with her. She wiped her hands on her pants before she reached out to touch Audrey.

It wasn't surprising that she'd gotten sick. The Trouble Duke had expelled to part her from Mara was designed for humans. It couldn't handle her- their- physiology. She used the Aether inside her, that massive overload from Duke directly from her body, not bothering to return the Aether to dormancy and re-activating it. It was clean, there was no point wasting the time. She did a thorough job but didn't drag it out, repairing Audrey as quickly as she could. The anxiety was getting worse, she felt caged.

The moment she felt the Aether finish the corrections inside Audrey, Mara stood. She was torn between standing in the corner and just leaving.

But of course, they had questions.

She walked around as they started asking, finally sitting in a chair, holding Duke's knife hidden in her hand. She just wanted to feel the cool metal.

"I- I'm well. You cured me."

Mara nodded absently, barely listening as Nathan pointed out that he could feel her again. She pressed the knife edge against the palm of her hand, watching for the exact moment where blade broke skin. Tiny movements. How lovely the crimson looked against her white skin.

"Who is your brother, Mara?" Oh, Audrey. Silly questions that just didn't matter.

"William. William is my twin."

The looks on their faces were almost comical.

Nathan looked like he was trying to solve a difficult puzzle. "But when he said you were connected, I thought he mean- romantically."

Mara shrugged, bored with the subject. Romance and love were comedy for the gods. "He did. Where I come from, consanguinity- incest- isn't taboo. Our genes work differently. Gifts tend to become stronger through interbreeding, not weak and damaged like humans. No, my life story was set from birth. The moment Momma knew that she'd had gifted twins? She bound us instantly. I was to marry him eventually. Would have, if things hadn't happened as they did. If I'd either done as my mother wanted or if he'd stayed with me to help instead of turning me in. Not that it matters."

That was one decent difference between them and most humans... though technically, Audrey was no more human than Mara... they didn't get as antsy and puritanical. They wouldn't be up all night thinking how  _weird_  it was for twins to marry. They saw enough weirdness every day.

Duke must have been surprised out of his snit. "Why were you trying to get him back, then?"

"When he came to the Barn this time, he acted like he was trying to make up. Like he still loved me. He was my twin and I loved him. I wanted to see if he'd changed, if he was fixable. Hell, I didn't know if he'd done the horrible things because he was cruel or if he was desperate to wake me up. It doesn't matter now. Momma came back, and that means William is probably still in her pocket. It was blind optimism."

A long, shallow slice against the skin of her wrist. Not deep. Just enough to feel, to push the horrible anxiety and discomfort away.

Audrey was staring at her, flecks of shining blue blazing across her eyes occasionally. She tilted her head. "Mara? Are you... bleeding?"

Mara jerked her head up to stare at Audrey. "Why do you ask that?"

"I- I keep having a strange feeling and when I look at you, it just- everything looks strange. Like you're leaking."

"I'm fine."

Duke narrowed his eyes, striding toward Mara and jerking her hands up from where they were hidden in her lap. "Mara, what did you  _do_?" He sounded horrified and she glared.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here to answer your questions and then I'm done anyway."

He snatched his knife from her and she ached to reach out for it again. "Look, if you don't have any more questions for right now, I'm leaving."

"No, no way." Duke said immediately.

Mara glared. "Why? What now? Are we still playing prison? What the hell are you hoping to get out of me now? Unless you're planning to call the Guard. If you are, be decent and say so. They can torture and kill me, whatever- it'll shove this town into the Void just as surely as Momma would have. But it's not just me, and I will not let them keep and torture my child. If I'm going to die, it's not going to be that way!"

"What child, Mara?" Audrey asked quietly.

"I'm pregnant. I found out right after Momma tried to kill me."

Nathan and Audrey looked stunned, and Duke- she really couldn't place the look he was giving her. It had bits of a lot of things, but didn't seem to fit anything exactly.

"Is that why you didn't die when Charlotte tried to kill you?" Nathan actually look a little sad for her. That was unexpected. The piece of her that still loved him- had always loved him- wished he would hug her. Such a foolish wish, and yet she had it every time she saw him. She wished she could talk to him without all the fear and animosity, so she could deal with the unresolved feelings she had about their son.  _Theirs_. Not his and Audrey's.

"Yeah. Yes, that is why I didn't die when I should have."

Audrey spoke up again. "Mara, please tell me why you're bleeding."

"I don't know, okay? I don't feel right. The only thing that makes it stop is  _pain_. The knife was the best option."

Audrey stared at Mara intently. "You've never hurt yourself before, I remember. When did you start hurting yourself?"

"A couple of days ago. It's not a big deal."

Duke gave her another searching look. "Is that why the toe, Mara? Were you wanting to hurt then?"

"Yes, but it doesn't matter! It doesn't make a damned bit of difference. I'm not your prisoner, and I fixed you both, as agreed. I have somewhere to go."

"Where, Mara?" Audrey's voice was quiet.

"Anywhere that doesn't hurt."

Mara ran for the door and out, disappearing before they could catch her.


	2. Who Am I?

She walked for hours, and finally found herself back at the boathouse. Perfect. Her things were still here and she was sure that it was safe to stay, Duke wouldn't have brought her there otherwise.

She needed to think of a plan. Somewhere safe to stay until she had this baby. She also had a lot of Aether to process. She had a sudden, strong urge to hurt herself, and she fought it, realizing that Audrey had been right- she hadn't hurt herself before.

That's when she knew something was really wrong.

As she refused to move to hurt herself, a burning pain started in her ribcage, on the left side a few inches below her heart. The longer she fought, the worse the burning got until she was sweating and crying. She reached for a knife, drawing it across her hand, and the burning stopped.

No. No, this was wrong. She immediately pulled up the diagnostic information, sitting in a chair to look through it. It didn't take long to find what she was looking for.

She sat in the kitchen chair, arms and hands covered in blood as she cried. She needed help. She needed help desperately- not even for herself, but for the baby and for the town. If she died, they would still go into the Void. But she couldn't think of who to call.

She missed William sometimes so much it hurt. The way it used to be, always having someone there to listen, someone who understood her, was part of her, and who cared. Being a twin was rare and special, and she had valued it. The closest thing she had anymore was Audrey, and the only similarity was their genetic structure.

But she didn't know who else to call.

She took out her cheap burner phone, dialing Audrey in her desperation.

"Parker." The rasping cough was gone, she sounded strong again. Not that Mara had doubted her ability, but it still occasionally felt nice to be proven right.

"Audrey." Her voice was rough, husky with tears and pain.

"Mara, where are you? Are you alright?"

"She- she did something to me. I don't know when. An implant. A poison that makes me want to hurt myself. That will hurt me itself if I refuse. I think the pregnancy must have triggered it. I have nowhere to go. Nobody. If I kill myself, Haven gets shoved into the Void. If I don't hurt myself, I don't know how much the implant will hurt me. I don't know if it will hurt my baby. She wants me to crawl and beg for her help. Maybe for you guys to drag me to her and demand that she save Haven. I just- I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know. If I could give you my baby along with my abilities, if I could know you'd take care of him, I would find a way to disengage from Haven and let her end me. I don't know how to do that."

She sniffled, wiping her face as she continued. "At least if you were carrying the baby, Duke would love it. We're genetically alike, but it would make all the difference. He told me he wished I was you when I conceived."

"Tell me where you are, I'll come get you right now."

"He loves you. I know you know that. Why don't you love him?"

Audrey stammered for a moment. "I-I do love him, but I chose Nathan. I had to make a choice."

"You could have had them both. Made them love each other again."

"That's not how it works, Mara."

"For some people it is. Doesn't matter. I don't know how to give you the baby anyway. I know you hate me, but will you do something for me? It's not really for me, it's for everyone else. Talk to Vince and Dave, see if they can find a way to sever my bond to the town. Make it safe. I wish I hadn't caused the Troubles, but I didn't know any better. I was doing what my mother ordered me to. I tried to do better, tried to fix it. I couldn't. But if she manages to trap you in the Void, Haven will be completely cut off from the world. It won't exist to the outside world. The resources here are finite. What happens when you're stuck, outside of space and time? Only generators will work, and how long will fuel last?"

"Mara, please let me come get you."

"And take me where? I have no home, Audrey. Duke doesn't want to be anywhere near me. If the Guard gets me, they'll hurt my baby and they'll end up killing me too. Nobody will believe, and by the time they realize I'm telling the truth, I'll be dead."

"Then stay with me, Mara."

Shocked laughter burst from Mara, sounding jagged and painful. "Right. Duke owns the building. And why on earth would you want me to stay with you?"

Audrey's voice was sharp and angry. "He may own the building, but I pay rent. It's  _my_  apartment. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your baby. You don't want to hurt your child, so let me help you protect him. We'll find a way to fix everything, we'll do it together."

Her first instinct was to refuse. She didn't need anyone. But her hand was touching her abdomen again, and there was such a strong pressure in her chest that it was hard to breathe. She wanted to be near someone. If it made the child safer, wasn't that more important than her pride?

"Can you protect the baby? Knowing that at some point, you may have to chain me to a damn wall and shove a feeding tube down my throat to keep the town safe? If it comes down to that, someone has to do it. Maybe if it gets bad enough you can evacuate the town. Get everyone out of Haven before it gets sucked into the Void. You can do that, right? You can get them to evacuate."

Oh yes, she didn't know why she hadn't thought of it sooner. If they just got everyone out of Haven, it wouldn't matter when she died, the land would be empty of people, and the wildlife would be fine. It would be like a nature preserve.

"If it gets that far yes, we can evacuate. Don't worry about it right now. Just tell me where you are so I can come get you."

Mara rested her head on the table, sighing as she gave Audrey the address. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't know what would happen if she tried to sleep.

She gathered her things when she hung up, picking up the few items that belonged to Duke- there were two shirts and a sweater, and she hugged them to her chest before shoving them and everything else into a cheap dufflebag she found in a closet. She left a $10 bill in it's place. Duke wouldn't want her stealing. She should try to be a better role model.

She sat on the porch, holding her bag as she waited for Audrey. Good, sweet Audrey who everyone loved and respected. They didn't judge her for being different or blame her for her connection to Mara. People hugged her and kissed her and brought her coffee, even after she got them to kill for her.

For a moment, Mara let herself think of William, of how things had once been. When he was always holding her hand and protecting her. He had tried being good. He had loved Samuel just like she had. But he was so hurt when Samuel turned against them he never really bounced back. He'd closed off his heart to everyone, including her. And he'd hurt her, hurt people she loved.

But she wished he could be his old self again.

The blood dripping down her hand snapped her out of her thoughts. She didn't remember having a knife in her hand. She snapped it closed, shaking her head as she put it in her bag.

Audrey's car pulled up- Mara wondered how that had happened, she almost never drove, she was always in the Bronco with Nathan. She remembered Nathan hugging her to help Audrey break through. It had been a nice hug, really. She had loved it and feared it- the only reason Audrey had broken through at all.

Mara approached the passenger side cautiously, watching around her and looking in the back seat before she got in. She squeezed her bag against her, whispering, "Thank you. If you change your mind, it's fine."

Audrey was staring at Mara, her expression barely hidden fury. Really? Already?

"What? Why are you mad at me already?"

"Not at you. You're  _bleeding_. Your hands are covered in blood, there's even blood smeared on your face. How are your arms?" The jacket she wore hid most of her skin.

Mara shrugged. "It's not that bad. Right now I can hold it off with little things. It all depends on how quickly it progresses." She rested her head back, exhausted but jittery from the Aether she'd taken from Duke. "Oh no." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"What is it, Mara?"

"I can't process the extra Aether from Duke. The implant, it pushes me to do harmful things. If I try to start processing, it might not let me stop. I have to- I have to hold onto it. I have to keep it all until this is over."

Audrey started to drive, still looking angry. "What will that do to you?"

"Don't know. It was going to kill Duke, but I'm built different. It might speed my metabolism. Maybe if I'm lucky it will make the baby grow faster."

Audrey stared at the road, deep in thought. "Why did you say Duke doesn't love the baby?"

"When I told him, he almost crashed the truck. Called it demon-spawn. It's not, though. The baby never hurt anyone. It's no worse than if it was your baby. It's not fair." She angrily swiped a tear from her face. The pressure inside her was rising again. She watched the clock on the dash, trying to determine how long she had between episodes and how long she could control it before the implant started hurting her.

"He's just scared, Mara. Duke could never hate a child."

"He can hate me, and he'll always know that the baby is part me." The burning in her chest started, and she tried to distract herself. "You know what the really funny part is? He hates me so much, only had sex with me because I looked like you- that's starting to become a habit with your friends- and I actually  _love_  him. I love him so much it's stupid. That's how fate works, you know. People like me, we love people who can never love us back."

She gripped her chest, gritting her teeth as the burning increased.

Audrey glanced from the road, alarmed. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"The implant. I'm trying to fight it. It hurts."

"We're almost home."

The _Gull_  had just come into view when the burning became too much. Desperate, Mara dug her nails into her arm under her sleeve, dragging them down slowly. The fire in her chest receded, but her hand came back bloody.

So, if the math carried out, if she went an hour without an injury, the implant would kick in. Once that started, she had about ten minutes before things got to be too much.

That was very bad news. Mara had to find a way to make the baby grow faster, fast enough to be able to live outside her body before she died of a thousand tiny cuts. Assuming the implant would stop at small cuts.

Knowing Charlotte, she very much doubted it.

They saw Duke's Land Rover, and her anxiety spiked. If he found out she was staying here, he'd make her leave. She didn't care so much if she had to go live in the woods, but she was counting on Audrey to protect her baby. Audrey didn't look hesitant at all.

"Come on, Mara. It's fine. This is  _my_  apartment. I have the right to bring anyone I want."

Mara nodded, clutching her bag as she got out of the car. They made it upstairs unseen and she relaxed a little.

Audrey put sheets on the couch and ordered pizza, leaving money on the counter before she went to shower. Mara peeled off the jacket, wrinkling her nose at the mess that was her arms. She couldn't even remember doing half of these. It looked like someone had tried to graffiti her with a blade. She wet a paper towel and wiped up most of the blood, but they still looked awful. She'd need more shirts with long sleeves.

When the knock sounded at the door, Mara grabbed the money Audrey had left out and went to get the pizza.

She froze when she opened the door, face to face with Duke.

"What are you doing here?" He sounded surprised.

"I- I'm staying with Audrey for awhile."

"Why?"

"She's helping me."

He looked her up and down, the money clenched in her fist, and his jaw clenched as he saw her bare arms.

"You're still hurting yourself."

"It's not my fault!" Mara snarled. "There's an implant, here-" she pointed to the general area in her ribcage, "It tries to force me to hurt myself. If I don't, it burns. Burns worse and worse until it feels like it'll kill me. I didn't ask for it! We already have a plan. If-  _when_  it gets too bad, Audrey will make the police evacuate the town. If there's nobody in Haven, it won't matter so much when it gets sucked into the Void."

She wrapped her arms around her middle, posture defensive even as she wished she could touch him. The drive to touch him was almost as strong as the need to hurt herself- and that was growing by the minute. She hadn't hurt herself since the car, and her hour was up.

Duke was saying something, but she couldn't hear him. She couldn't focus past the burning and the wish to  _touch_. She bent over, a choked groan passing her lips.

He was like her in some ways. As much as he might hate, as angry as he was, the base part of him always wanted to help. He reached for her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her toward the couch when the strangest thing happened.

The burning stopped.

Mara couldn't help herself, she grasped his arms reflexively, pulling him closer and basking in the absence of pain.

"What can I do to help?" Duke murmured.

She dropped her chin to her chest, hiding her face. Her pride would kill her baby if she didn't swallow it now.

"I don't know. When you touched me it stopped. I'm okay." Mara straightened up, releasing Duke's arms. The moment he dropped his hands, it erupted again, worse than before.

Her legs gave out and she dropped to the floor, certain that her skin would start to blacken and blister, peeling from her bones. Blinded by the agony, she punched the floor, the muted snapping of bone forcing the fire away.

"Mara, Mara no, stop." His hands were on her arms again, and she closed her eyes, struggling to catch her breath. It made her think of Nathan; unable to feel anything that didn't contain Aether. Now she was trapped in her body, like Nathan's so-many-times great grandfather, in constant agony unless Duke was touching her. Why did he have to hate her?

She sat upright, cradling her hand to her chest as she brought her knees up. Tears were pouring from her eyes, black as tar, and they reabsorbed before they could fall from her face. "I'm sorry. There's only an hour between cycles, and I can only fight it for ten minutes before it's too much."

His expression was somewhere between fury and sweetness. A look only he could pull off.

"Every hour?"

"Since her little stunt, yes. It was more manageable before. It was strong, but not regular. Not timeable. It was worst just before the toe, and it stayed away for awhile. Then it started with anxiety. It just- it got worse after she tried to kill me, and now... this."

"How did Audrey get involved?"

"I didn't know who to call. I didn't want to endanger the... the baby. And I didn't want everyone getting sucked into the Void when I die. She's still connected to me, like a twin- I loved being a twin, having someone who loved me- she was the only one I could think to call. She asked me to come stay with her."

Mara struggled to her knees, picking up Audrey's dropped money as there was a knock at the door. Duke took the money from her hand. "Just sit down, I'll get it."

Mara sat on the couch, keeping her hand against her chest. Audrey came out toweling her hair as Duke came back with the pizza.

Audrey eyed the pair, scrutinizing them. She noticed Mara cradling her hand and frowned, coming to sit next to her. She took Mara's hand in her own, feeling around carefully. "What happened?"

"The implant was active. I thought the pizza was here, but it was Duke. He tried to help me, and when he touched me, it all stopped, it went away. When he let go, it was worse. I broke my hand, I couldn't fight it. I tried."

"I believe you, it's okay. We should get this hand looked at, though."

"No. I can't go to a human doctor. They'll know something else is wrong, they'll put some kind of hold on me. They'll kill me faster. It will heal." Her voice came out far more desperate than she'd intended and she flushed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, but I can't risk a psych hold or try to explain paperwork and insurance. You don't understand how hard it is to exist in a world where you're only 'real' if you have a bunch of paperwork."

"I know what to do. Sit, eat. I've got to run downstairs." Mara nodded and he dashed off.

The tears had slowed, but they were still flowing. Audrey looked so sad- not just embarrassing pity, but real sadness. It made Mara feel lonely, and she tried to imagine what Audrey's face would look like if Mara asked for a hug.

"Audrey? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" She put the pizza on the coffee table as she sat next to Mara,

"When Duke touched me, the implant stopped working. Would you be very opposed to testing it to see if it worked with you?"

Audrey tilted her head, searching Mara's face. "Of course."

Audrey hugged Mara, and Mara knew, just  _knew_  that Audrey had felt or sensed or just known that Mara just wanted a hug. It was almost like when she and William were young. Audrey could read her. Mara hugged back, holding on to Audrey as she tried to make the tears stop. She finally took a deep breath and pulled back. She was too embarrassed to meet Audrey's eyes. "Thank you for that. I- I don't know how to ask anymore. Or, I guess I technically know, but I can't stand the thought of rejection."

"It's okay, Mara. You know how I am. I'm the same way."

"I know you are, but people love you. There's nobody here who wouldn't want to hug you."

"Please try not to be so sad. You can ask me for a hug when you need to."

"I'm sorry I hit you. Sorry I hurt you."

"Can I ask- why  _did_  you hit me?"

Mara stared down at her hand, frowning. "Because you were part of me once, because you look like me. Because you already hated me as much as I hate myself. It felt like therapy. This is probably karma for it. I wanted to hurt you for being part of me, and now I want to hurt all the parts of me. Funny."

Audrey nodded. "Hungry? You want a plate or a napkin?"

"Neither, thank you. I'm not hungry."

"You should eat at least a little, for the baby."

Mara frowned, sad again. "Maybe in a little bit. I ate today."

Duke came back in, and the ache in Mara's chest eased- it wan't from the implant this time, just her own feelings.

"I know a doctor who can take care of your hand, won't say a word to anyone and you don't have to worry about psych holds, okay? Will you see her if she comes here?"

Mara nodded silently. "You should eat."

"You should eat."

"I'm not hungry. I'm going to take a shower if you don't mind."

"Go for it." Audrey said. "I put a couple clean towels on the counter."

"Thank you." Mara stood and grabbed her bag, going into the bathroom without looking at anyone.

It was easier to breathe where nobody was watching her. She stripped with her good hand, pulling out clothes that were soft enough to use as pajamas, letting her fingers linger on Duke's sweater. Her hand brushed the knife on the way out, and it called to Mara. Just to hold it.

No. Her hour wasn't up yet. She wouldn't let it take more than she had to.

She stepped under the water, wishing she were still at the boathouse, locked up with Duke. What would it have been like if he hadn't pulled away from her after they'd had sex? What would it have felt like to sleep in his arms? She knew it had been foolish to hope that things had changed, but he was still a man, and she had thought there was a possibility that he would want to be with her again. No, he didn't love her- he loved Audrey- but when he was touching her, she could pretend.

"Oh Duke, I really wish I were somebody else, too."


	3. Doctor In The House

She sighed, washing her hair and body. She did calculations in her head as she worked, trying to figure out how much time she had if the implant held steady at hourly intervals. How much the pregnancy would have to be accelerated to make sure the baby was safely out of her body before she was too damaged.

She focused on the excess Aether within her, directing it to protect the baby, to make him or her grow faster. As fast as possible. The story of her life, trying to pack as much as possible into the tiny amount of time she had. Damn her mother and her plots and schedules.

Why had the pain stopped when Duke touched her? What could that possibly mean?

She shut off the water, knowing she had to talk to him. She hadn't lied- she had no intention of asking for anything, and she would take care of her baby alone, but what happened when it was time to evacuate? Someone would have to take the baby.

Mara dressed slowly with her left hand, wishing she had more long sleeved shirts. She put Duke's sweater over her tank top. If he demanded it back, she'd give it to him, but until then, she'd get some use out of it. She was able to comb her hair, but she had no way to put it up one-handed.

It would just have to do.

As she left the bathroom, she thought about how quickly time moved. The anxiety, the urge to  _hurt_  was chewing at her again. Every time she felt it, she pushed the Aether to work faster, to protect her child. She would normally be perfectly happy carrying that baby for the full 40 weeks, but that was 6,720 hours. There was no possible way she could last that long. Not even half that long. So she communicated her fear and desperation to the Aether, begging it to help her child grow as quickly as possible.

Duke was sitting on the couch with Audrey when Mara came out, and the sight made Mara feel fragile, like she'd shatter into pieces if something touched her. She could imagine him fawning over Audrey, talking to the baby in her belly. Two for two. Two men had gotten Mara pregnant, all the while wishing she was Audrey. Both were still in love with Audrey.

Mara kind of wished she was Audrey, too.

She sat in the farthest chair, curling up. Audrey looked at her, smiling gently, when her gaze fell on Mara's foot.

She hadn't brought bandages, probably couldn't have taken care of it one-handed anyway, so the grisly wound was clearly visible.

"My god, what happened to your foot?"

Mara moved her left hand to cover her foot, hiding it from view. "Nothing important. It was the first thing I did when the implant went active. It's healing."

"But what did you do?"

She curled her right hand in a fist, hoping pain from the already broken bones would settle the creeping anxiety.

It didn't. Clever. It required a new injury each time.

"I cut my toe off."

Audrey looked green, and Mara couldn't look at Duke.

"Look, I need help with something. I wouldn't ask if there were any way to avoid it, I hope you understand that. I've been doing the math, and I'm using the Aether to make the baby grow faster. I won't make it 40 weeks. There are 3,360 hours in just 20 weeks. I'm not going to last that long. I'm going to do whatever I can to make the baby grow fast enough to be independent of me. I-"

Her throat closed, tight with unshed tears. She'd done this before. With different people, and she had more time and freedom to choose a family, but she had still been in this exact position. Making arrangements for a child who she loved and wanted, but couldn't stay to raise. She felt violently sick, and she ran for the bathroom. Her stomach was empty, but she heaved until bile came up, burning her throat.

She brushed her teeth, hiding her shaking hands in her sleeves as she returned to the living room and took her seat.

"Mara, what's going on? What can I do?" Audrey asked.

"I need to find someone to raise the baby when I have to go." Oh, even the words were exactly the same.

Audrey understood immediately, perhaps even seeing the same memory as it played in Mara's head. She looked like she'd been punched in the stomach, and Mara had to shut her eyes so she wouldn't cry or throw up again. The implant was burning, but she had to outlast it. See how long before pain became damage.

"I don't have the time or resources to find a family like the Cogan's this time. Duke, I understand you don't want him, don't want that connection to me, but I won't let him die. It's not his fault that he's connected to me. Genetically he's exactly the same as if Audrey conceived him. But I told you I wouldn't force him on you. I thought at the time that I'd be able to raise him myself. Whatever happens, just- please don't leave him in Haven alone, expecting my mother to find him and take care of him. Please."

The last word came out as a choked cry, and she dropped her head, letting her hair fall forward and wrapping her arms around herself. The implant felt like acid, and she could imagine the tissue around it dissolving. Yet it still wasn't enough to override the emotional pain. The thought of her mother getting her hands on that poor innocent who was already being judged just because of her was the worst thing she could think of. Worse than him being left here alone with his dead mother- at least then maybe wolves would raise him.

Mara felt a hand on hers, and the pain disappeared. Must be Duke. She didn't open her eyes. She didn't need to.

"I won't abandon the baby, Mara. I know I reacted badly, and I'm sorry. But I won't just turn my back. I'm not the father you want though. You were there, still with Audrey after Jean. You know I'm not father material."

She clasped the fingers of her left hand around his as her eyes snapped open. Her voice and expression were fierce, almost dangerous. "No. I  _never_  thought that, that wasn't me. I  _know_  you'd be a wonderful father. Kind and smart and loving, you could give a child the world. I would never be afraid or regret you being my baby's parent. You're the only one I  _would_  want."

The tears fell harder, and she was sobbing.

"If you will raise the baby, I'm not afraid. After he's born, Audrey can evacuate the town and you can take him anywhere. Will you really take him?"

He swallowed several times, and his eyes were shiny as he looked up at her from his knees, hand still held in hers. "I'll take care of the baby. But don't throw in the towel just yet, okay? Let's try and find a way to get you through this first."

Mara chuckled dourly. "Where there's life, there's hope?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"I wish I knew her plan. What the point is. I understand her trying to kill me, to get Audrey and lock the town down; it's a science experiment. I don't understand why she'd have put that thing in me. An auto-destruct, sure, but this- this forcing me to kill myself, it seems to be more insult than injury. Reminding me that I failed, that I wasn't smart enough or strong enough. Who would ever guess that refusing to hurt people would result in this kind of punishment? Sammy was right, my people are far more barbaric than humans."

There was a knock before Duke could respond, and Audrey jumped up to answer it. Both women were a little surprised to see Gloria at the door, medical bag in hand. Nathan was right behind her.

Duke stood to greet them, and as his skin lost contact with Mara's, the implant burned white hot and her mouth opened wide in a silent scream. Oh dear gods.  _She couldn't scream_. She was trapped silent as the pain clawed at her. Panicked, she tried to reach for Duke and she fell, head cracking against the floor.

Undignified? Perhaps. But at least she could make sounds again.

And she was doing that, a terrified, gasping wail as she pushed herself up, ignoring the way her hand protested the movement. Duke was on his knees, pulling her up. He looked genuinely worried.

"What happened, Mara?"

"It- I- you were touching my hand that whole time. My ten minutes passed. When you stopped, it was- bad. But I couldn't make noise. I couldn't scream. I tried to touch you again, and I fell. When I hit my head I could talk again. Guess I shouldn't have promised not to touch you."

They were both on their knees in front of the chair, and this time he put his arms around her and hugged her, one hand resting in her hair. "I release you from that promise. Touch me whenever you want to."

"Don't say that." Mara whispered. "Not whenever I want to. It's too much."

"I release you. Whenever you want."

His voice was gruff, hiding tears, an she felt so bad for him for a moment. All his life, what he had needed most was to feel  _wanted_. Now here he was, with someone who wanted and needed him completely, and it had to be _her_. It really was unfair.

He helped her get up and seated again, never letting go of her hand. She tried to smile at the doctor, but she didn't pull it off very well. She nodded politely at Nathan, waving a little with her good hand. He smiled sadly and waved back.

It was nice when he wasn't glaring at her.

Gloria was examining her hand, and casually said, "So I hear that bobble-head doctor did this to you?"

Mara uttered a startled laugh. "Bobble-head?"

"Like those little dolls. Head too big for the body. It's unnatural."

She relaxed and her whole body shifted. She hadn't even realized she was so tense, but each muscle that loosened seemed to make her an inch smaller. She finally smiled- a warm, natural smile that made her look completely different. "Yeah, she did. You don't like her?"

"Correction; I  _never_  liked her. Nothing I hate more than a bad liar. No sense lying if you're going to mess it all up."

Her laugh now was honest and sweet. "I couldn't agree more. It's insulting when people lie badly and expect you to believe them."

Gloria was fitting a splint to her hand as she said "Exactly. So tell me, how long had the bobble-head been up to no good?"

Oh, she was good! Absolutely brilliant. She'd already figured friend from foe, calmed Mara, attained common ground- especially clever about the lying- and moved in for the kill.

This was a woman Mara could respect. This was a woman Mara could  _love_.

"Always, Dr. Verrano. Since before I was born, as far as I know. She thinks Haven is her personal laboratory. "

"You know anything about this implant? Something that could help me?"

Science! Yes, she could always fall back on science. She rubbed her thumb against Duke's fingers as she thought.

"It's a subcutaneous implant, approximately 2 centimeters by 4 centimeters. Made of some kind of tainted Aether mixed with a synthetic polymer. It appears to have a type of nanotechnology and retractable barbs to make removal more difficult. It also appears to have been triggered by the pregnancy and then exacerbated by her trying to kill me today. Once per hour, it sends out a signal causing widespread anxiety and a drive to self-mutilate . If I fight the drive, the implant feels like it's burning. From there it's ten minutes before I have to act again. It's reacting- or I should say it _stops_  reacting when Duke's skin touches my own."

"Anything else that might help?"

Mara considered. "Oh, if I pass the ten minute mark, like by touching Duke, when the touch goes, I can't speak. I can't make any noise. That's what happened when you came in."

"You have any idea when it got put in?" Gloria was adjusting straps, quickly looking over Mara's arms to check on the cuts.

"I was thinking about that. I had wondered if she did it when I was a child, to keep me chaste because I was betrothed. But that doesn't make sense, because this didn't happen with James. So, at any point between James's birth to now. Maybe right before I came as Lucy. She- I- that is to say, as Lucy I had just been told I was infertile and was struggling with the news." Mara paused, deep in thought. "Or right after Lucy. It seems the most likely timeframe."

"Well, I would like to take some scans to see what we're dealing with. You strike me as a smart one, so I think between us, we can crack it. I won't let that snooty broad outsmart me. I may be getting old, but age and treachery trumps youth and skill every time."

"You could really do it, too. If ever there was a human who could outsmart my mother, it's you. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome. Why don't you let me take a quick look at that head, okay? You're a special case, now. I usually don't like patients who can talk back."

Mara was a good patient, doing everything Gloria asked of her. As long as Duke was touching her, the crazed anxiety and desire for pain stayed away. She knew she'd have to be ready the second he stopped touching her, but until then, she was safe, didn't need to think about it. Gloria bandaged Mara's toe, patting her ankle gently. Mara saw Audrey whispering to Nathan, and he'd occasionally turn pale or a little green as he watched the doctor examine Mara.

When Gloria stood to leave, she paused and put a hand on Mara's head. "We're going to take care of everything. I mean it, I won't let her outfox me. I'll put together a sampler of medications that are safe for you to try, to calm the implant down. You get through tonight, kiddo, and I'll find a way to help you. You know what my Daddy used to tell me? He'd say 'You can't rat-fuck a rat-fucker.' He was right, too."

Mara looked at Gloria with her heart in her eyes. "What I wouldn't have given for a mother like you. If-  _when_  it's time to evacuate the town- would you help Duke, if you can? I know he'll be wonderful, but the things a woman needs to explain."  
She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, black tears rising in her eyes.

Gloria gave her a silly look. "Absolutely not. I'm going to find a way to help you instead, because that sounds like a job for the mommy, to me."

Mara nodded, understanding what Gloria was trying to tell her- not to give up, that she had friends in her corner. Embarrassed to say it, Mara used American Sign Language to say 'Thank you. I wish you were my mother.'

She was surprised into blushing when Gloria signed back, 'You're welcome, darling child." She hadn't expected Gloria to know sign language.

Audrey let Gloria out, stopping to grab Mara a bottle of water and some painkillers. Duke touched her upper arms so she could use her hand to take the pills. "You can't be expected to touch me all the time, Duke. You should sit down and be comfortable. I have an hour after each... episode. Please."

"No. Not right now, at least. I feel fine, and I saw what happened last time I let go. You couldn't even scream, Mara."

"I know what to expect now, though. I don't like the idea of you feeling like you  _have_  to touch me. I know how hard this is for you already. There might come a time when I really need to touch you. Maybe we should see how far it goes. If a lock of your hair or a drop of your blood would work. Maybe we can just tie a strand of your hair around my finger, right?" She knew she was stammering, babbling- that she was being painfully, stupidly hopeful. But as much as she craved his touch, Mara didn't want to be a burden. She didn't want him to be stuck with her.

Mara had been honest about her willingness to raise their baby alone, without asking Duke for anything, but so far, that wasn't feasible. She needed him with her constantly just to protect herself.

Sighing, Duke plucked several hairs from his hair, pressing his arm against hers as he braided them into a ring just barely big enough for her finger. He held her arm as she slipped it on; he dropped his hands when she nodded, and the pain was instantaneous, pure agony ripping at her chest. Her voice was gone and she wanted her hour. The chance for Duke to not have to stayed glued to her. She slashed at her arm quickly, before the restraining hands could stop her. At least she'd get her hour.

She gasped, panting as her voice came back. "Okay. Hair won't do it. Good to know."

"Mara." Duke looked desperate, close to tears. "You have to let me help you."

"And I will, but I won't have you be a prisoner to me. I get an hour each time. You can't be with me 24/7 no matter how quickly I can make the baby grow. Save it for when I can't make it stop anymore."

"I'm going to find that bitch and drag her back here. I'll make her fix it. If she wants to see pain, I'll give it to her."

Mara scoffed. "She's not hiding. She did this knowing someone would ask her for help. Maybe not for me, but for Haven. Because she'd assume you'd fear my death would hurt Audrey. She's not wrong. I still have her telephone number. I just don't know what to say."

Nathan hummed as he considered. "Why not just ask her what she wants? See what she wants in order to remove the implant."

"I'm afraid I know exactly what she wants. She made it clear. She wants to kill me and give Audrey my abilities. It probably didn't take her long to realize that it didn't work because I'm pregnant. She's a jerk, but she knows what she's doing. I don't know if she'll just expect me to let her kill the baby with me or worse- if she'll want to get her hands on the baby. I guess I can ask."

She stared at her phone for a long moment, trying to make herself calm and unbreakable. She needed to be like the trees, swaying and bending in the wind but not breaking, not letting the bluster cause lasting damage.

She needed to be like the  _Rouge_ , bobbing out at sea. Touching the water, yet still staying above, even it's great weight not forcing it to sink below the rolling waves. Duke's child was counting on her. She could do this.

Her hand didn't shake as she dialed, still picturing the ship on the waves. She pressed the speaker.

"I told you you'd call."

"You did. So why don't you tell me what you want?"

"Did you know you were pregnant, Mara?"

"No. I didn't."

"Is it Duke's?"

"Why do you care?"

"I care about understanding, Mara. What makes him able to breed with you when nobody else can."

"Wait, did you put that implant in just to have a warning if I conceived?"

"The last alarm system didn't work. I didn't find out about your son until he was grown. He was already a lost cause by then."

Her stomach dropped, and she couldn't see the trees or the boat anymore. She understood everything in a blinding flash.

Charlotte had tried to find James, had wanted to use James. She'd tried to convince him to work with her, but he was his father's son through and through, and he refused to be used or manipulated, especially to hurt his mother- Lucy, at the time.

"You killed him. Because he refused you." Mara felt the fissure, the crack as part of her heart broke off. This was why James was still gone, why the Barn hadn't kept him healed, why he hadn't reappeared with her.

Charlotte had killed her son.

Unable to stop herself, Mara rushed to Nathan, wrapping her arms around his neck and gasping into his chest. She had to be quiet, couldn't let Charlotte know she was crying, but she had the instinct, the primal need to touch Nathan, the man she'd only had for a day, the father of her lost son.

She could hear Charlotte speaking from the speaker. "His death was an unfortunate accident. He was trying to resist, and the tools I was using weren't built for half-human physiology."

She took a deep breath. Mara wanted to close her eyes, but every time she did, she fell back into her Sarah days, remembering the feel of James moving inside her or the way his eyelashes rested on his cheek as he nursed. She stared at the phone instead, sinking to rest against Nathan's legs. Her body was shaking apart, but her voice sounded calm and even.

"You need to disengage the implant, or you won't be able to learn anything about this child. Make it stop and I'll tell you what you want to know."

"You'll tell me what I want to know either way. You don't have a choice."

"If you don't turn it off, I won't be able to carry to term."

"You don't have to. I can learn from dissection and genetic testing."

"Not if I burn to death." Mara snarled, angry enough now to push past the grief.

"You're afraid of fire, Dove. We both know you won't do that."

"It's true, Momma. I used to be afraid of fire. This implant, though. It burns me anyway. If me burning destroys your chance of learning about my child? Oh, you can bet I'll do it. I'll burn myself to spite you."

Charlotte was quiet for a moment. "I'll make you a deal. I'll turn it down- not off- long enough to allow the child to survive outside the womb. For a half-human, that should be... 25 weeks gestation. You give me access to the child then, and answer my questions. We can renegotiate then. How far along are you, Mara?"

Finally, finally a break. Charlotte didn't know about Duke, didn't have any idea he'd had Aether inside him or that Mara was now dangerously overfull of the substance. She could make the baby grow to term in probably 10 weeks, maybe less. The extra time was something they could use to make a plan.

"By last menstrual period, about 3 weeks."

She could hear the scratch of pencil against paper, and her lip curled in an unconscious sneer as she pictured her mother making notes. "You have 22 weeks. I'll turn the timer from one hour to four hours. You need your rest, but you need to be reminded who's in control of this situation, do you understand?"

"I understand."

"Find a way to bring William back, and I'll consider turning it off completely. Wouldn't that feel nice, Dove?"

"I don't know how."

"You're a clever girl. If you put your mind to it, I'm sure you'll think of something. I'll call you on this line tomorrow, and we'll see if you're in a more agreeable mood then. Remember, Mara- I tried to do this the easy way."


	4. Possibilities

The line went dead and Mara's muscles went slack, reaching to shut off the phone. She drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and burying her face. She was surprised to feel Nathan's hand in her hair.

"I'm sorry." Mara whispered. "I shouldn't have touched you like that. It was instinct, I didn't plan it. I understand that you- you share that with Audrey." It was true, she understood  _that_  he did. She didn't understand  _why_ , but that wasn't the question.

"I'm not mad, Mara. Sometimes people need physical contact, I understand that. We- me and Audrey- haven't really discussed the situation much."

Audrey scoffed. "By 'much' he means 'at all'."

Mara's voice was slightly louder, but she kept her face down, refusing to look at them.

"You've wondered why you couldn't find the memories about James. It was because you didn't exist yet. Each personality is born just before getting the orders that bring us to Haven. You can see more now than you used to, because I can't hide memories when we're not combined. But the memories weren't yours. You didn't live through them. I'm not trying to denigrate you, it's just a fact. You already knew, already felt that Nathan hadn't had sex with you when you found out about everything. How could he have? You didn't exist.

"But I understand that you all classify good actions vs. bad actions as 'Audrey' vs. 'Mara'. It's easier to wrap your heads around, I understand. I lost control because she surprised me, and because the memories are already so close to the surface from of our earlier discussion."

Mara checked the clock; Charlotte must have adjusted the timing on the implant already. She didn't feel the creeping anxiety. 4 hour reprieves felt like heaven after the way the rest of the afternoon had gone. It was much later than she thought it was.

Nathan's gaze was curious instead of the expected horror, and his hand was still in her hair. "You're saying James was yours, not Audrey's."

Mara shrugged. "She loved him too. She's like... a step mother, I suppose. But yes, I was his mother. I have all the memories. All the love. He was mine. And that got him killed. I sent him away from Haven to protect him, I wanted to keep him safe. He came looking when I was Lucy, and I couldn't convince him it was safer to stay away, so I kept him very close. Tried to protect him that way. But I was the biggest danger in his life."

Nathan reached to grip her chin, raising her face to his. He'd done that to her once when she was Sarah, but he had kissed her that time. Now he was talking to her.

"No. Don't blame yourself, Mara. You were in an impossible situation and you did the best you could. He had a good life and he loved you, he chose to stay with you and help the town. You didn't kill him, Mara. You're the one who gave him a chance at life in the first place. I'm sorry for leaving you alone in that situation. I'm not sorry he was born, not at all, but I know I hurt you and I'm sorry."

Mara stared into his eyes as he spoke, remembering the way his cheek felt under her hand, looking for the little specks of green and gold that you couldn't see unless you were this close. Another fissure split her heart and her left hand was against his cheek though she hadn't intended to move. "I forgive you."

Then she was hugging him again, and crying into his neck. Even his smell brought back memories. What he'd done had hurt her- had hurt her from the very moment Audrey's personality was pasted over her own, but just acknowledging that it had been her, that he understood that Mara was a real person with feelings and dreams made her feel better. Perhaps the wound wasn't too old to be healed.

His hands rubbed her back gently, and he held her like that until the tears tapered off into sighs and hiccups. Mara squeezed him, kissing his cheek as she backed up. "I'm sorry, Audrey. I'm not trying to be inappropriate, I-"

"Mara, stop. I understand. You two need to be able to talk. I'm not so insecure that I can't handle that. We can be adults about it. You and I were together for a long time. I understand what you're feeling."

Mara stood and moved back to her chair, clasping her hands together as she looked at Duke. "If my calculations are correct, and they are, I believe the excess Aether I'm carrying can get the baby to full term by about 10 weeks. Momma has no way of knowing about the Aether, so that leaves all those extra weeks for planning or evacuating, if we can't think of something else."

Duke handed her his water bottle. "Drink. And we'll think of something. I'm not going to just give up. Yeah, getting the baby born healthy is the top priority, but I want my kid to have a mom."

Mara drank, wondering what Duke was really thinking. "Do you think I could talk to you for a few minutes?"

His expression gave nothing away, but he nodded, standing and holding his hand out to her. "We can go out on the porch."

She took his hand and walked out with him, pulling his sweater tight around her as she sat. "I'm sorry about everything. I honestly didn't have any idea, I was as shocked as you. But the baby is innocent, Duke. Genetically exactly the same as if he was Audrey's. I meant it when I said I didn't want to force you to be involved. If I can't find a way to survive this, though... lie to him. Tell him I was anyone other than who I am. Don't let my legacy affect him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what? I didn't find out until just before I told you."

"Not about the baby, Mara. About the Troubles. About your history."

"Would you have believed me?"

He made a thoughtful face, like he was chewing on his lip. "Why did you have sex with me?"

"I don't understand what you're asking, Duke."

He growled in frustration, finally saying, "Was it just so you could use the Aether on me?"

"Oh! No. I had to use the Aether on you to fix your Trouble. You were so sick, and you didn't have any more Troubles you could vent safely. But I knew you were afraid to let me use Aether on you. So I did it when I had the opportunity. But that's not why I slept with you. I could have used the Aether when you were sleeping or something. I slept with you because I wanted you. I wanted to be close to you, to feel you. I've been in love with you since we came back to Haven, I just had no freedom to say so."

"In love with me?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Why didn't you tell  _me_?"

"Again, Duke, would you have believed me? No. You're in love with Audrey, you made that perfectly clear. You were honest. You told me you wanted someone else and I did it anyway." Her voice got quiet, hesitant. "It was still the happiest time in my life. I'm sorry you regret me, but I don't regret you. I only regret that you pulled away so quickly after." She chuckled, but she didn't sound amused.

"I tricked myself, told myself that maybe you would understand me somehow, that part of you might want the part of me that's not like Audrey. But it's still the face and the body. It always is."

"No. I'm not Nathan. It wasn't just because you look like her. I knew who I was with."

"But you still hate me. You were lonely and scared. You finally understood that I cared about you, but I'm still me. It's why you pulled away the way you did. So stupid- I woke up and I wanted to be next to you. I wanted to forget about everything. But you were so distant, and you just wanted to find the Aether and have me fix you so it could be over. I was hurt. I pushed you away because you pushed me away. You looked so disgusted and remorseful. It's stupid, but I was so hurt and angry that I behaved like a monster. But it's what you all expected me to be. A monster."

His voice was quiet, like he was confessing. "I wanted to stay. But I couldn't stand the idea of you making a joke out of it, mocking my weakness. So I pushed you away. I did it before you could do it to me."

"I wasn't going to. But I understand why you thought that. I- when you tried to send me away to save me, when you were just going to stay there and burn, I was so angry and so scared. My own work coming back again to bite me in the ass. You never asked how that Trouble started. You knew what kicked it off, but you never asked how I knew about that boy. It wasn't him that I Troubled. It was his father. The mom had died and he dreamed of her every night. It was, I don't know. Sappy? But he wanted to be able to show her to his son. When he would sleep, his son would have a mother there to protect and love him.

"But the fire activated the boy, and he was like me- afraid of fire- it all spiraled from there. Instead of making his mom appear, he made fire. I'm pretty sure William changed that one, but I wasn't with him at the time, so I don't know. But I was furious, so angry that even though that Trouble was gone, it was still going to come for you. I was so tired of my work being used to hurt people, even after I'd tried to fix it, after I'd been punished."

Mara stared out over the sea, eyes a million miles away as her fingers brushed her lips. "When you kissed me, it was all worth it." She shook her head, bringing herself back to the present. "Well, for me. I'm sure your perspective is very different." Her tone was defensive again, her arms wrapped around herself. The nausea was a good sign. The baby was growing quicker, the hormones already flowing. The nausea was a welcome reminder that she could save the baby.

He took the seat next to her, also staring over the water. They seemed to communicate better if they didn't look at each other.

"I chose to be with you. What I said... it wasn't about wishing you were Audrey-"

Mara scoffed, the laugh sounding bitter even to her own ears.

"It wasn't, Mara. It was about wishing that I could trust that you'd stay the way you were then. Not glaring, not trying to hurt anyone. You stayed there and risked your life to try and help me."

"Then why, Duke? Why, when I woke up, when I only wanted to be with you, did you push? I wanted to be with you, and you wanted the Aether. I think I know why. Because you were afraid that if you got sick again, you'd feel weak and want to touch me again. You didn't want anyone to find out. You know what I don't get?" Mara was on a tear now, and she wasn't about to let go. She wasn't sure she could, honestly.

"I haven't done anything that Audrey hasn't. Nothing. Convincing you to kill someone. She did that too. Trying to save herself from the Barn? Check. Fooling around with you and not telling Nathan? Check. Yes, I started the Troubles, but I was a child, Duke. My mother used me, and when I was old enough to make my own decision, I tried to fix it, I tried so hard I drove William away, so hard I got locked up, and I still kept fighting.

"Audrey shows up and is immediately wanted and adored. You want her, Nathan wants her, Chris freaking Brody wants her. When I started getting control, Duke, I wanted help. I thought you guys would help me like you help everyone. But everyone stops caring about 'helping' when it might affect Audrey. I was a good person. I loved people. I was worthwhile, Duke. I'm not a monster or a demon." She shook her head, still staring out at the water as she wiped her eyes. "It's stupid. She's existed for less than a decade, and yet everyone thought she had more right to my body than I did. And you'd have felt the same even if you didn't think I was evil."

"You recognized that Lexie was still just us. And you could tell when I was more present. You know, you  _know_  that I had control for quite awhile before Audrey stopped showing through, but I didn't hurt anyone. I could have hurt any of you at any time. I wanted to help the Harker's. Yes, the Aether is addictive, and I do crave that feeling, but I stopped using it to make Troubles so damned long ago."

Duke templed his fingers under his chin, still staring ahead. "You're angry about being judged about something you did a long time ago. Something you regret."

"Just like you with Nathan."

"Alright, you want the truth, I pulled away because I knew you could hurt me. Not like axe-murderer hurt me, you're not Leatherface. I was afraid you'd break my heart. If I let myself love you, I'd have done it completely. And you weren't going to want me long-term. It was going to end in blood and tears. "

She chuckled quietly, looking at her splinted hand. "You were right about that much. But if you'd loved me, Duke-" She tilted her head, swallowing against the lump in her throat. Her voice was whisper soft, morose and defiant at the same time. "I would have done anything, made myself better. I'd have followed you anywhere for as long as you wanted me. Protected you and the people you loved. Why would you think  _I_ wouldn't want  _you_  long term? The things I'm doing to myself, I hate them. But I'd still rather it be me than you or Audrey or Nathan or any of the others. Momma will never leave Haven alone. I'd rather she hurt me than the rest of you."

"I wish I could understand you."

"What's to understand? I think I'm fairly simple. A disappointment to my parents, to my twin. I guess technically I'm a traitor, since I chose to protect humans over my own people. But you've met my mother and William, I'm sure you can understand why I prefer to protect Haven than do what they want."

"All of this, the Barn and the lives and now the implant, it's all punishment for helping Haven?"

Mara shrugged. "My mother cares a great deal about her work. She takes my refusal as a personal insult."

"How do you do it, then? How do you keep going when they hurt you and make you feel like garbage? How do you do it after 500 years?"

"More than 500, Duke. That was just the time in the Barn. More like 600 years of fighting. But..." She puckered her lips, considering. "I keep doing it because of the people. First Samuel, of course, but I've loved people in every lifetime. And every time I come back, I love more than the time before. I do it because of Garland. Vince. Dave. Nathan. Dwight. Hundreds of names that are lost to everyone but me. I do it for  _you_. Because you're worth it."

His laugh hurt her heart. " _I'm_  worth letting locked up for 500 years? Try again."

Mara finally looked over at him. "Yeah, you are. To me you are. Don't mock me. I feel love, Duke. I'm not a robot. I'm not my mother. I love, and sometimes I love too much and I end up getting hurt. Rejection hurts. Your rejection hurt me. But it doesn't matter. I still love, and if getting hurt myself helps keep all of you safe? I owe you that. All of you. I may have been a kid, but I was still guilty. All your woes started with me. So I do what I can."

A shiver started in her spine, but instead of passing, it spread, pulling at her whole body. She strained to breathe slowly.

Duke looked at her, the knuckles of her left hand white where she gripped the arm of the chair. "What's wrong? I thought you had 4 hours? It hasn't been that long."

Mara shook her head, looking away again. "It's not the implant. I can't process the Aether I took from you when I'm not in control of my body. It could hurt the baby. Make me a dangerous incubator."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm carrying too much Aether in me. Like you were. I had planned to process it and make it dormant, but I can't control my own actions. So I have to hold onto it until the baby is born."

"Will it hurt the baby?"

"No. It's thanks to the Aether that I can even help the baby grow so fast. While he- or she- is inside me, they're safe from me."

"Will it hurt you?"

She raised her eyes to his- they were shining black orbs in her pale face. "Not as bad as it would have hurt you."

"Mara, your eyes..."

"I know. Hopefully it will pass and my eyes will settle again. It came in waves with you, too."

"It hurt me. Does it hurt you?"

"Look at me, Duke. Do you honestly think a little more hurt is that big of a deal? The baby is safe, that's the point."

"So it does hurt you."

Mara shrugged. "She's going to keep hurting me anyway. This isn't as bad as the implant. I made this choice. I won't risk hurting the baby. If I got stuck and couldn't stop processing, if I didn't do it in stages, it could hurt me enough that it would hurt the baby. It's trying to help me. Aether would never hurt me on purpose. It's doing what it can to grow the baby. If it has to hurt me to do it? It's not even a question. My job now is to grow this baby. If I find a way to survive, great. But I'm not going to operate on blind faith. I know her too well for that. If I expect to die, anything else is a pleasant surprise."

"Don't talk like that." Duke's voice was hard and angry.

"Like what? And why are you snapping at me?"

"Like it's a done deal, like there's no chance you'll make it through this. Don't  _quit_. You're stronger than that."

Her fingers stroked her abdomen as she slowly shook her head. "No, I'm not. Not right now. Right now, all I can do is focus on the baby. Once the baby is safe and healthy, maybe I can find some hidden reserve and be strong enough for whatever is next. I'm still just a person, Duke. I have abilities that make me seem scary, but I'm still a girl. A girl who's been locked up for more than half my life. I'm not what you people think I am. I wish I was."

In one sinuous movement, Duke was out of his chair and kneeling in front of her, staring at her with a fierceness that was close to a glare. "I understand that you feel alone. But that's my kid you're protecting. So if you don't think you're strong enough on your own, let me do it for you. But you've got to let me in, Mara."

She wanted to touch his face. He was so  _close_.

"You said that you were afraid to love me, because I'd hurt you. Damn it, Duke- I'm scared too. I'm already in love with you and I'm barely hanging on. If I let myself rely on you, if I allow that kind of weakness and then you end up hating me anyway, it would kill me."

"That's why it's called trust. Nobody said it would be easy. Nothing has been easy. But it might be easier if we were working together."

She studied his eyes, trying to look inside him. "Working together? Or  _being_  together? There's a world of difference."

"Why don't we forget labels for right now. Let's see if we can just be. Whatever happens, happens."

"How do I do that when every time I see you, I want to touch you or kiss you? Please tell me, because I don't know."

Duke tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "I guess you could kiss me and see what happens."

Mara narrowed her eyes, wondering if he was screwing with her or challenging her. Well, she wasn't dead yet.

She wrapped her left hand around the back of his neck, leaned forward and brought her mouth to his.

Kissing Duke was like a religious experience. The taste and smell of him, the feel of goosebumps on the back of his neck, and then his hands on her waist as she wrapped her right arm around him, pulling closer. She'd slid off the chair and onto her knees like him, and she kissed him like he was the air she needed to survive. It felt like she'd been drowning, her chest ached and when she breathed, he was all there was. Just Mara and Duke alone in the universe, clinging to each other.

This feeling- it was familiar, but so old she almost couldn't recognize it. The feeling of  _belonging_. Mara wanted to get lost in it. Breathing the same air, her body pressed against his. Duke made a kiss feel like home.

Heart overrode head, and she opened her herself, letting the  _feel_  of him permeate her body. Something about it made her want to cry. Two children by two men, both in love with Audrey, but a small part of them made a home inside her.

Her body was pressed tight against his, and stray tears leaked from her eyes.

They broke the kiss, pressing their foreheads together and panting, lost in each other.

"Don't cry, Mara." Duke's voice was gentle as he spoke, wiping her tears with one hand.

"Sorry," she chuckled, "I just... I feel like a different person when I'm with you. I'm not sure I've ever wanted something so much in my life. And I swear it's not sex, Duke. I love to see you smile and hear you laugh. I know I'm not her, but the only time I feel complete- the only time I've felt complete in hundreds of years is with you."

"There's those beautiful blue eyes. I'm not saying black is a bad color for you, but I like seeing your normal eyes."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. It's your eyes who tells me who's in control. I know yours from Audrey's."

"I love this baby, Duke. More than I can tell you. I'll do anything to protect Little Crocker."

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips. "I never thought about that. A little Crocker, huh?"

"Yes. No ties to my world or family. I- if you want to try, I will do my best. Nothing could make me turn my back on you."

He used his 'very serious' expression, the one that still managed to look like he was hiding mirth. "Then you're going to have to live, if I need you, right?"

"I, uh... I guess so. I never could say no to you."

His smile was dazzling. "Well, then you're the first. Are you okay for a little bit?"

"You have to go downstairs and work, right?"

"If you need me here, I'll stay."

"I'm okay, Duke. I have time. Audrey made me the sofa. I'll be fine. Please, do what you need to do. I'm okay."

He touched her face, and then her abdomen. "If you need me, yell or call or just bang on the floor. I'll be there."

Mara nodded. Duke helped her to her feet and hugged her, bending his head to whisper in her ear. "We're going to be okay. The baby will be okay. I'll protect you, I swear."

She was only half-joking when she asked, "Who's going to protect me from you?"

"Trust, Mara. Hard for both of us. But those things that make you different from Audrey? I  _do_  love them. So try not to worry."

She nodded.

Duke helped her up and left her at the door with a soft kiss.

Maybe there was hope left in the world after all.


	5. Where Do We Go From Here?

By the time Mara stood to go back inside, Audrey and Nathan were locked in a fierce embrace.

Right. Nathan could feel her again. Oops. Not the best time to have a studio apartment. Mara backed out silently before she could ruin the moment, wondering what the hell to do with herself. After a few minutes, when it started to get cold, she sighed and went down the stairs.

She stood next to the  _Gull_ , staring at the building thoughtfully. Maybe she could make herself useful. Shaking her hair out and making sure Duke's sweater was covering her arms, she went in.

There was a good crowd still, and all the employees were busy. Mara sidestepped and made her way to the bar, where Duke was pouring drinks.

"Can I help?"

Duke blinked, surprised to see her. "Aren't you supposed to be upstairs resting?"

"Yeah, well, they forgot to hang a sock on the doorknob. Let me help handle the bar."

"I appreciate it, but this is a bad time for a crash-course on bartending 101."

"I know what I'm doing. You forget Lexie was a bartender. You take that end, I'll take this end."

Duke raised his hands in surrender, moving to the other end of the bar as Mara started working. It was so easy to fall back into the old habits that had never been hers, and even with her dominant hand splinted, she smiled and chatted and poured twice as fast as Duke. When an order came up from the kitchen, she took the plates and trays to each table, courteous and efficient as if she'd been doing it her whole life.

Well, one life, at least.

Every tip she got, she made sure to give it to the server whose station she was assisting with. It wasn't their fault she was bored. A few patrons- out of towner's, she guessed since they didn't seem to recognize her- hit on her, and she managed to turn each proposition down in a way that made them feel complimented instead of rejected.

It was remarkably freeing in a way she hadn't expected. Just being useful, doing a job and not having to think about anything. And even Duke had to admit she was good- no errors, no spills, no maiming... It was better than sitting on a couch and staring at the clock, waiting for her next love tap from Charlotte.

It was just past midnight, and they were getting close to last call when the anxiety started to flow in. She had to force her smile and the banter with the customers was getting harder. Mara breathed deeply, bringing one more round of shots to a table of barely-legal college kids who she absolutely  _knew_  she'd be pouring into a taxi. As she set the drinks down, she smiled sweetly and said, "Okay, guys, hand over your keys. You're not going to be driving tonight, fellas."

They laughed and the two closest ones- one on her left, the other on her right- exchanged a lecherous grin. "You planning on taking us home?" Asked the one on her right. "You can tuck me in."

"You've definitely had enough to drink if you think that's happening. But I'm not having you plow into a semi or some innocent family just because you've had a few too many. Keys." She held her left hand out, waiting.

The guy on her left grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer. "We don't have to drive anywhere to have a good time. My truck is outside, seems fine to me." He grabbed her ass and her stomach lurched. She tried to keep the smile on her face as she said, "If you're attached to that hand, get it off my ass right now."

"Where would you rather I put it?"

This, this is what she remembered hating about being a bartender. Drunken idiots who thought they were clever.

"My suggestions wouldn't really be that polite, so how about just  _off my body_. Does that clear it up?" She was smiling politely, but her eyes bored holes in his skull as she tried to pull her hand away. He was strong- maybe an athlete- and the more she pulled away, the more his grip tightened.

"Don't be like that, baby. Have a drink with us."

His friends laughed, encouraging him. Mara looked at all of them slowly. "This bar belongs to a friend of mine, so I'm going to give you another chance to do what I asked. He doesn't like cleaning up blood, you know."

The fingers around her wrist tightened, and Mara moved quickly, flipping his hand over and bending it back- not hard enough to break him, but enough to hurt- and her eyes flashed red as she looked around the table again. "Now, I'm about done asking nicely. I get your keys, you keep your hands. We clear?"

They gaped at her with wide eyes, and she pushed the hand a tiny bit farther. "Give her the keys, give her the keys damn it!"

Mara kept his hand in the same position until each man had deposited their keys in front of her on the table. Keeping her eyes red, she released the groper and snatched up the keys, a friendly smile on her face. "You can have them back when I see you into your cabs. Now, would you like to order something to help soak up the booze? The potato skins are fantastic. They'll help keep the hangovers more manageable, too." She blinked and her eyes were blue again.

She came back behind the bar, putting the order up on the spindle for the chef and noticed Duke staring at her. He'd given her a lot of different looks since she'd known him, but this was new. "What?" Mara asked as she poured a drink for another customer.

"You- that was  _amazing_."

She smiled as she handed out the drinks, stretching her shoulders to try and push away the crawling anxiety. "I don't understand. I didn't do anything."

"That's the point! You didn't damage anyone, you didn't freak out and you got their keys. I was literally a foot away, about to step in and kick their sorry asses out, but you didn't need help."

She had a small, genuine smile as she rolled her eyes at Duke. "Bartender, Duke.  _Female_  bartender. It's not my first day on the job. Besides, I'm trying not to hurt people. It's bad for business."

"How do you manage to keep surprising me?"

She shrugged as she neatly mixed a vodka tonic. "Everyone needs a hobby."

Duke laughed, checking the clock. "Last call is in 15 minutes. People are clearing out, why don't you go upstairs and rest." The words were so innocent, but Mara had been watching the clock too. She knew her 4 hours were almost up. Duke didn't need to be there for that.

"Sure, no problem. These are the keys for the idiots at table five. I'll uh... I'll talk to you later. Thanks for letting me help."

She turned and left before Duke could respond, trying to understand why she wanted to cry. She trudged up the stairs slowly and opened the door just a crack, silent. There were things she just didn't want to see, and the sight of her former lover naked with her doppelganger was in the top five.

They were cuddled in Audrey's bed asleep, but at least they weren't naked. Mara tried not to look as she tiptoed to the couch. She quickly changed into one of the shirts Duke had left at the boathouse, leaving the sweater draped over the arm as she laid down and stared at the ceiling. She had the pocketknife in her hand, but didn't open it.

She wondered what it would have been like to sleep next to Nathan after they'd had sex. Always good enough to screw, never enough to sleep near. The dark thoughts and feelings swirled around inside her, and she knew part of it was the implant, but they were still valid. Pregnant by two men who wanted Audrey. She was like a computer operating system; she was the original, but everyone wanted the new model.

William had slept next to her their whole childhood. Usually with his arms around her. Mara had never, never doubted his love- until the day he came through with Charlotte. After that, she'd started doubting everything. There was a day when she would have sworn, bet everything she owned on the fact that William was with her completely for life.

The burning was starting to kick in. Mara had felt a little better when she was working, making herself useful.

Or maybe it was because she'd been working with Duke. Just existing side by side, working toward a common goal. It was like the rest of the world had just disappeared, their problems boiled down to filling orders and handling gropers. Mara had never wanted a normal life- toil and mediocrity with no real reward, never making lasting change. She had wanted to save the world-  _her_  world, back when she was a child, and after Samuel, this world. She wanted to save Haven.

Such an odd little town. When she and William had first been brought through, it was a strange mix of Native tribes and misfits from all corners of the globe. People trying to escape their homes. One of the first Troubles she'd given had been making food- any kind of food- turn into cake when the Target ate it. She was so very young, foolishly innocent and trusting. It had been after she'd witnessed a birthday celebration for the first time.

Her mother had punished her for that. Mara had been forced to write 25 pages on how Aether should properly be used. The next time she'd been told to give a Trouble, she'd created the first Wendigo. A taste for human flesh was far more interesting scientifically than a taste for cake.

As children, she and William had never asked why their work had to be negative and painful. They'd done what was expected of them, like any other child. Eventually she'd asked their mother why the misery was necessary, and her mother had responded, "The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire. We will never know what they can become if their lives are easy. These creatures are barely even sentient, Mara, and you have the ability to make them better, to make them like us."

It had taken a long while to understand that they weren't worthy of being emulated.

The burning intensified and Mara tried to clear her head, thinking about what Duke had told Audrey about meditation. She was going to last as long as possible, to prove she was stronger than Charlotte and any of her little tricks.

Then she heard the voice from the bed- beaded curtains weren't very soundproof, and apparently Nathan talked in his sleep.

"Been waiting for you forever, Parker."

Mara sat straight up, grabbing for her pants and slipping them on, stuffing the sweater into her bag and holding her shoes so she could get out quietly. Once the door was closed behind her, she slipped on her shoes and ran.

She headed for the shore, sitting on a boulder as she stared over the water, sobbing. What had she been thinking? She couldn't stay with Audrey, obscured by the shadow that had been  _hers,_  listening to the man who had fathered her first child murmur words of love even as he slept. Her chest was on fire, and the knife was mocking her. It's why Charlotte had chosen this punishment. To show Mara how powerless she was.

Mara left her bag by the rock and waded into the sea, hoping to counter the burning in her chest with the frigid water. Deeper and deeper, until she was swimming, the water pushing her body to and fro. The burning didn't stop, but the movement was almost pleasant, and the injuries to her body were numbing.

Maybe, once the baby was born, safe with Duke and the town was evacuated, this would be the best way to die. The sea would forever tie her to Duke and their baby. Maybe particles of her body would travel outside the void.

She'd always been a believer in the Gods- her father had told her their stories since she was in a cradle, and even when things were dark and horrifying, she'd believed that they were watching out for them.

It wasn't that she wanted to give up- mostly- it was that she wanted that embrace, the soothing love that the gods could give her. She wanted a parental figure that loved her, that she could trust.

Hell, she wanted  _anyone_  who loved her and she could trust. But her family had taught her the most important lesson there was. That the only person she could trust was herself.

The vast difference in temperature between the sea and her tears made them feel hot, like they were burning her skin. It was a welcome distraction.

Duke had promised to take care of the baby. He would be a fantastic father. He'd show their child the world, tell them fascinating stories of far-off lands. Mara had 22 weeks, 12 weeks with her child- more than she'd had with James. She couldn't ask for more. Creatures like her, as her mother had often reminded her, were not meant for 'happily ever after'. They were born with a job, with responsibilities. They didn't get an honest life, just doing the best they could and enjoying the rest.

People like Mara had responsibilities. A duty to their people.

And Mara had a duty to baby Crocker.

With a deep sigh, she turned and headed back toward the shore. She was startled when arms grabbed her, and she choked down a mouthful of seawater and coughed violently as she flailed. She was just about to hit the figure behind her when she realized the burning had stopped.  _Duke_.

She spluttered and shook her head, trying to clear the water from her eyes. "Duke, what are you doing?"

"Me? What am  _I_  doing? I went to check on you and you were gone! It was sheer luck that I saw you from the porch! Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Stop shouting! I know how to swim. I couldn't..."

"Couldn't what, Mara?" His arms were still around her as he tugged her to the shore.

As soon as her feet touched ground again, she muttered, "I couldn't lie there and listen to Nathan talk in his sleep about Audrey. Okay? The implant had kicked in and I thought maybe the cold water would counteract it. It didn't."

She was shaking, and her body was curling up around itself.

"Why didn't you just come back to the bar?"

"You sent me home, Duke.  _I have no home._  I'm staying with Audrey." Mara was shaking, dreading the moment she lost contact with Duke. It would be bad. Worse than bad.

They kept physical contact as they came out of the water.

"You've got to talk to me about this stuff, Mara. Just tell me next time. If I'd known you were uncomfortable upstairs, I would have helped."

"H-how, Duke? You're going to make Nathan stop talking in his sleep? Maybe d-duct tape?" The cold bothered her more outside the water, and she couldn't stop the shaking or her chattering teeth.

"You can stay with me." Duke said, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up.

"Either I'm hallucinating or you've been d-drinking. You've been dying to get me off your boat and stop playing warden. Why on earth would you offer to let me s-stay with you? I just got  _out_  of the hold, I have no d-desire to go back in."

Even in the dark, she could hear him roll his eyes. "I didn't say 'prison' or 'hold'. I want you to be safe, where you don't always have to be uncomfortable, Mara."

Hormones. Hormones were the only logical explanation for the tightness in her throat. "You'd be uncomfortable with me there. I only went to Audrey because I was desperate and didn't know what Momma was doing to me. I'm not a-asking for help. I don't need pity."

"Yeah, well I don't  _do_  pity.  _I_  would feel better if you were somewhere I could know you were safe. You said yourself, that's a Little Crocker. We grow better at sea."

A conundrum. She could stay with Audrey and be constantly exposed to Nathan- she wasn't in love with him anymore, but she had been for a very, very long time- or she could stay on the  _Rouge_  with Duke, the man she  _was_  in love with. Either way, they had to work and she'd be on her own a great deal of the time.

The boat was more defensible, though. Charlotte had promised to turn the implant down for 22 weeks, but she hadn't promised anything else. The  _Rouge_  was also large enough to avoid each other, unlike the little apartment that was about as secure as the beaded curtain that separated the bedroom from the rest of the place.

"I'll pay rent. I can stay in the hold as long as there are no chains. I'm already a prisoner in my own body, I don't feel like d-dealing with more."

"I hadn't planned on chains, Mara, and I don't need rent. Where would you get money anyway? Now come on so you can get warmed up. Is your stuff still at Audrey's?"

She shook her her head, nodding toward the boulder she'd been sitting on. "My bag is over here." Oh, she hated what she had to say next. " Can I keep touching you just until we get to the boat? Or even just the car, I don't care."

Duke pulled her against his side, keeping his skin against hers. "I assumed because of the time you were in an 'off' mode. You made it a long time this time."

"Only because you were touching me the last few minutes. My fingers are numb, I'm afraid I'll slip and hurt more than I need to if I use my nails."

Mara saw his jaw clench from the corner of her eye. "I told you, you can touch me anytime. I meant it."

As they approached her bag, Duke took Mara's good hand, twining his fingers with her and hanging the duffle from his shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here. Don't want you getting sick."

"You get sick from viruses, not body temperature. You know that."

"Humor me, Mara."

They got to the Land Rover, both getting in from the same door as Mara slid over to make room. She kept her hand on his arm as he drove, the heat cranked to 'high'.

"Aw, hell." Mara muttered.

"What, what's wrong?"

"Gloria is going to kill me. I need to take the splint off and let it dry once we get to your place."

Duke smiled slightly. "I'll make you a deal. I won't rat you out to Gloria if you don't take anymore night swims alone, okay? I want you to be honest with me, not worried about how I'll react. We've got to work together now, Mara. We can't be fighting each other when we need to focus on your mother." He chuckled quietly. "We both have shitty parents. And we're both a little scared of Gloria. See? When we actually talk, we have stuff in common."

Mara was surprised into a laugh. "You  _should_  be scared of Gloria. That woman is smarter than almost anyone I've ever met, and she's brilliant in the way she handles people. Hell, she manipulated  _me_  and I've been doing this for hundreds of years. I really, really recommend you never lie to her. She'll see right through you."

"Oh, I learned that years ago. Thankfully she's pretty easy to bribe. The woman loves fine booze."

"Don't we all?" She smiled despite herself as Duke parked at the docks, their wet clothes squeaking against the seats as they slid out.

Duke twisted his arm to take Mara's hand as they walked down to the  _Rouge_ , and as he let her in, he sounded incredulous as he said, "Is that my shirt?"

"Hey, you left it at the boathouse. That made it up for grabs. I  _saved_  it for you."

"And then you took it for a midnight swim." Duke replied dryly.

"Oh, it'll wash. I know how to run a washing machine."

"I desperately want to make a wet t-shirt joke right now."

Mara actually smiled. "I'd be disappointed if you didn't." She frowned a little. "I have to let go of your hand to take the wet clothes off. If I just take the hit now, I'll get another four hours."

Duke gave her a thoughtful look. "I don't like letting bad guys win. You trust me?"

"You're probably the only person I  _do_  trust."

Keeping her hand in his, he moved his other hand under her shirt, to her waist before he let her fingers go. The pain stayed away as Mara removed her shirt and wiggled out of her pants and shoes, leaving her in her bra and panties. She cautiously unstrapped the splint on her hand, leaving it open to dry.

"I'm going to have to shower, Duke." Mara curved her hand to his jaw. "I can't have you glued to me for ten weeks, and I can't sleep reeking of seaweed. Plus the whole sleeping situation. You can't protect me 24/7."

"I can damn well try."

"How do I shower? How do you work? Duke, 4 hours is a luxury compared to 1. "

"We've seen each other naked, Mara, and I was in the water too."

She was befuddled. "Are you suggesting we... shower  _together_?"

He shot her that adorable grin. "It would be new, getting clean together. We seem to have nailed the 'getting dirty' part." One of his hands left her waist, resting on her abdomen.

For some reason, that simple gesture and the smile that accompanied it made the tears well up in her eyes. He was touching their child without horror or disgust, and he was trying to keep the pain away. "Okay."

Mara unbuttoned Duke's jeans and pushed them down, wrapping her lower leg around his, trying to keep some part of her touching him at all times. She let him pull his feet out, and pressed closer when he had to take his hands away for her to pull his own wet shirt off.

When he was nude, she stood and let him take her bra off and push her panties down, careful to keep her hands on his shoulders the whole time. They left their sodden clothing in a pile, holding hands as they went into the shower.

The hot water chased away the awful shuddering, and though they couldn't say whose idea it was, Mara was washing Duke's hair as he held her hips, careful not to use her right hand any more than absolutely necessary.

She continued to wash him with half-lidded eyes, memorizing the feel of his skin as she bathed him. When he was clean, he pressed his body against hers, washing her hair and face. She closed her eyes and relaxed as he washed lower, down her shoulders and arms, over her back and breasts and stomach.

This was one of the things she loved about Duke- he didn't have the typical human hang-ups about nudity and touching. He washed her carefully and thoroughly, as she had him, and they held onto each other as the warm water rinsed the soap away.

Mara wondered why Audrey had never tried to pursue a relationship with Duke. Why all of the fake personalities before her had chosen safe partners. Perhaps it was because he was exactly what she herself wanted. She'd forced Audrey to pull away in Colorado, irrationally jealous and possessive even when she was certain she'd never have the chance to touch him herself.

She was shocked, her breath stolen as she felt his lips brush her shoulder, still pressed close together, and maybe she had been a little smug when he hardened under her touch as as she soaped him, her good hand wrapping around him perhaps a little harder than was strictly necessary as she washed him  _there_ , but he got her back tenfold when it was her turn. Her head fell back under the falling water, and if his hands felt more like they were exploring that just washing, who was she to complain? She kept her arms around his neck, bathing as much in sensation as she was in water.

With all the pathos and pain of the day, she was surprised to feel herself responding to his touch, not bothering to muffle or hide the small sounds that came from her as she gasped, trying to breathe normally. He kept his hand on her, his fingers playing around her entrance as he stood studying her face.

"This, Mara. This is who I meant when I was wishing, do you understand now?"

She jerked a nod, her left hand wrapped around the back of his neck.

"Do you want me, Mara?"

"Yes," she breathed, "more than anything."

His arms were around her, lifting her until her thighs clamped around his hips. Her arms tightened around his neck, and she felt him, barely pressing against her as he said, "I want to hear you say it."

"I want you, Duke. I want to feel you inside me. Do you want me?"

"The way you are, Mara. I think I've wanted you forever."

He pushed slowly, and some muscles tightened as others relaxed, the fear and stress fading into small background noise in her mind. He was healthy and whole, the way she'd wanted him to be the first time- not suffering from his affliction, not afraid of her. He rocked into her because he  _wanted_  her, not because he was overloaded with Aether, depressed and desperate.

She kissed his neck, licking drops of water from his skin as her breath came faster, clenching and pulsing around him. Every time she squeezed, he pressed harder, and they were both out of control, panting and gasping and kissing every inch of flesh they could reach.

"Duke, please. Harder."

He groaned and pressed her into the shower wall, shaking her body with every thrust.

She wasn't quiet this time, uttering his name, unintelligible pleas and moaning whenever he hit that spot that made her see stars.

Her nails pressed into the flesh of his neck, trying to draw him closer, to make them one being. It wasn't a competition, but he still had a triumphant look on his face as she cried out, spasming around him. She kissed him hard, tracing her tongue over the roof of his mouth, nipping at his lips.

"Gods, please, Duke. I need you.  _Take me_. I'm already yours."

He groaned, lips against her neck as he pushed harder, burying himself in her. She was trying to express her need, her trust and faith in him. She wanted to give him the world. Duke, the only one who had tried just talking to her, who had treated her as something more than a monster. His motions were faster, instinct taking him over, and she cried out again, coming with him this time. Every movement, every facial expression branded on her mind forever as he let go of that iron control. They met in the middle, both unmasked, and their bodies trembled and shook together, lost in bliss as the universe gave each of them the thing they craved most- acceptance.

They were panting, clinging to each other as they rode out their climax. When he finally pulled from her body, she felt like he'd taken part of her with him- part she was more than willing to give. Mara would walk the world over to get him a single blade of grass if he wanted it. She had no idea how different it could be when they were both being honest. Mara uttered words she'd never, never said aloud before, not wanting any more lies or secrets between them.

"I love you, Duke. I love you exactly as you are. You deserve to know. It frightens me, but I love you."

His answering smile was sweet and a little shy. "Exactly as I am? That might be a strain on you."

Her voice was deadly serious. " _Exactly_ as you are. I want you as you are, Duke. Any difference and you'd be a different man, and you're perfect the way you are." Her legs were a little wobbly, but she didn't care. She could happily live her entire life this way; naked, held up and pressed to the most intriguing man in the universe.

Duke kissed her, long and slow as his hands rubbed her low back. "We're running out of hot water."

"Mm. Fine. I guess we've had enough cold for one night."

She kept her hand against him as he turned the water off and grabbed a towel. She was standing, once again, naked and dripping before him.

But the circumstances had changed drastically since then.

She hooked her ankle around his again, reaching up to dry his hair, rubbing the towel gently over his face and shoulders. She took the opportunity to touch. When he was dry, Duke dried her just as carefully, gently patting the injured flesh, rubbing the parts of her that were whole.

Duke held her hand as they exited the bathroom, both as naked as they'd been born, and Mara bit her lip thoughtfully. "I need my bag, and I need to know where to sleep." She was sure she was blushing, but they were back in uncharted territory.

He led her back to the couch, grabbing her bag and towing her back to his bedroom. "Sleep in here. Hard to touch you from anywhere else."

Mara cocked her head for a moment, then shrugged, heading for the bed with Duke, not bothering with pajamas. She knew he slept naked anyway, and she was tired of the acrobatics of dressing and undressing while maintaining contact with him.

She was a little surprised when he pulled her against him, his arm tight around her as he pulled her head to his shoulder. She wanted to make a witty quip, something that indicated she didn't need his pity. But Duke said he didn't do pity, so she stretched out against him, relearning what it felt like to sleep in someone's arms.


	6. Learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own them.

Mara's bladder woke her up.

She was still pressed tightly against Duke, his arm holding her close, hand on her waist. His heart thumped steadily where her ear was pressed to his chest. She studied him for a few minutes, just appreciating the way he looked asleep, still reeling that he'd  _slept_  next to her. That he was still asleep, holding her. The feeling was- it was too big, too overwhelming.

But so was the pressure on her bladder.

She remembered this from James. The constant need to pee. Growing the baby at such an accelerated rate? She may as well set up shop in the bathroom. Of course, she hadn't had to worry about agonizing pain and forced muteness back when she was carrying James- just nasty gossip and the occasional shunning.

Until the Hunter, at least.

Mara ground her teeth, reaching over the side of the bed, feeling around for her bag and the knife packed inside. She flicked it open, staring at the blade. Damn it. She  _didn't want to do this_. But the moment she lost contact with Duke, she would pay for the reprieve Duke had given her. Bathing with Duke was... Mara grinned. It was fun and enlightening and amazing. But she still had some pride she just couldn't swallow, and that line ended where her excretory functions began.

Gripping the knife carefully in her left hand, she pressed it against her bare hip, the safest place she could think of. She slipped slowly down Duke's body, letting his arm slide to the mattress. She eased up onto her elbow, sliding her legs to the edge of the bed.  _Four hours._

She kept the fingers of her fractured hand against his skin as she took a deep, bracing breath. "I'm sorry, Duke." Mara whispered, pulling her hand away.

The pain was immediate and overwhelming. So much time had passed, the pain didn't even feel localized anymore. Her entire chest felt like it had been filled with molten lead. Her mouth opened to scream, and for a change she was grateful for the silence. She marshaled her considerable self-control and pressed the blade into her hip. The piercing of her skin helped, but not enough. Damn it, she had known Charlotte wouldn't let it stay small.

Mara dragged the blade down slowly, controlling her motions as well as she could, just wanting to do enough to make the implant  _stop_. Two inches, and Mara gasped a sigh of relief, letting the knife fall from her trembling hand.

"You won't kill me that easily, you viper." Mara stood and rushed to the bathroom, pressing a tissue to her hip as she relieved the considerable pressure in her bladder. As soon as she stemmed the bleeding from her hip, Mara checked the clock, considering. She could go back to bed and cuddle with Duke, or she could surprise him with breakfast and coffee- she actually  _knew_  how he took his coffee. She should use her four hours to be productive, she could hang on Duke like an albatross later.

She stole another of Duke's shirts, not bothering with pants as she headed for his kitchen, searching for ingredients and starting the coffee in his favorite cup. She was just plating the omelettes when Duke came out, shirtless but wearing pajama pants.

"Good morning." Mara smiled at him. Her smile faded as she took in the look on his face. "What, what's wrong?"

"You're up. You're moving around. Where are you hurt, Mara?" His frown was angry and almost sad as he held out the knife, her blood dried on the blade.

She heaved a heavy sigh. "I had to use the bathroom, Duke."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Damn it, Duke, she's taken everything else from me, I deserve the dignity of going to the bathroom alone! You can't be angry with me, gods- imagine if it was you! Would you want me to hold your hand every time you had to pee?"

His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. I was just- I want to help. I want to protect you."

All the fight went out of Mara, and she closed the distance between them, cupping his cheek in her palm. "I know you do, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. But I- if we're going to do this, I want to be your equal, not your dependent. If eventually she's endangering the baby, I'll do what I have to do, but I want, I  _need_  to keep a little pride. It's not at all that I don't trust you. I do, I trust you with my life. But this is all still so new to me. Please be patient."

His arms circled her waist, pulling her close and pressing his face into her throat. She stood on her toes, hugging him around the neck. His low chuckled rumbled through her body. "You're wearing another of my shirts."

She didn't let go of him as she laughed. "I like them. They smell like you."

Duke's hands traveled down, squeezing her ass. "And what do I smell like?"

She was glad he couldn't see her face, it gave her just enough bravery to say what she needed to. "You smell like  _home_."

She felt his lips brush her pulse and she closed her eyes, melting into him. "I do?"

"To me you do. I've never really had a  _home_ , per se, but that's what you smell like to me."

He pulled his head back to look at her, and she tried to hide her face, certain she was blushing. He brought one hand to her chin, pulling her face up. His smile made up for her embarrassment tenfold. "That's one of nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I'd love for you to always be this relaxed."

"Mm. Say that in two months when I'm hanging onto you 24/7 and looking like a water buffalo."

"I'll still say it a year from now when your mother is in the ground or back in the pit she crawled out of and we're raising our baby."

Oh no, he was going to cause tears if he kept this up. But she couldn't stop the picture from forming in her mind- free of her mother and the Barn, raising a family with Duke. A baby swing next to the couch and a crib in the spare bedroom. Things that were impossible.

And yet, as she looked into his eyes, Mara felt the faintest stirring of hope. Duke was stronger than Charlotte. Duke was stronger than  _anyone_. Maybe she could make herself strong for him, strong enough to earn her freedom. If that took a thousand cuts, she would bear the scars proudly. Every minute, every second of torment would be  _worth it_.

She still had to wipe at her eyes, but she smiled as she said, "I made us breakfast. And I made you coffee. Come eat while it's still hot." She took his hand, leading him to his seat, putting his plate in front of him before she sat next to him.

"I didn't know you cooked. This looks great!"

Mara rolled her eyes. "Like you didn't know I could tend bar. You're not the only one with a varied past, Crocker."

He wiggled his eyebrows at her as he grabbed his fork. "I bet there are still things I could teach you."

"There's actually quite a lot you could teach me. Jobs and chores, I understand and remember all of that, but I- Gods, you're going to think this is stupid, but I personally have a very limited sexual history." She chuckled as he coughed.

"But- I mean, hundreds of years..."

She chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "I didn't make those choices, Duke. So I tried to turn away from certain experiences. Let the personality do whatever, because it always made me angry. I knew none of the people who'd- there's really no delicate way of saying this- the people who used my body, they weren't there for  _me_  and it made me feel sick. Disgusted. I was trapped under the new personalities. Nathan fooled me, but that wasn't his fault. He had no way of knowing who or what I was. I was desperate and lonely, and he acted like he knew me. Looked at me like he knew me. I started kicking my own ass over that the second I met him when I came back to Haven, when Audrey was dominant. I still hurt over it."

Duke's eyes looked as old as her own for a moment. "Well, we have that in common, too."

Mara nodded. "I know. I know he hurt you. I know you loved him. He loved you too. But where curiosity and love are usually your prime motivators, Nathan's is fear. In your case, fear that he couldn't keep you here, but was afraid to leave here himself. It wasn't because he didn't love you."

He looked honestly curious as he asked, "How do you know? How did you even know that we-"

Mara's smile was a little bitter as she held up her hand to him. "The Aether from the Troubles I made, it still tells me things. When I say my handprints are all over everyone here, it's not just metaphor. What I created stayed linked to me. It's part of the reason I tried so hard to fix everything. Seeing the pain that I'd caused, the fallout through the generations, it hurt. To my mother, all humans are like rats. Short lifespans, easily trained through negative reinforcement. Easy to study. But I had to keep a part of you- all of you. Sammy wasn't the only motivator for me. I understood what he was asking of me, what he was saying, because I could feel the pain. William didn't, because it was never him who put the Troubles in. He could only adjust them once I'd planted them. I know because I can still see and feel all of it."

"You really think he loved me?"

"I know he loved you. Still loves you. It's why he's so hard on you. He can't... he has trouble expressing emotion. He feels so much psychologically, partly because of the lack of physical stimuli and partly because he was so badly abused as a child. He doesn't remember any of that, but it still affected him. But he's terrified of emotional pain. He can't hug you, so he hits you. But the way he looked at you and touched you when you came back from the Void, that's how he's always felt. He just can't express it."

Duke swallowed, reaching out to sip his coffee. "This food is delicious, and the coffee- It's perfect, how did you know?"

Mara shrugged, smiling as she let Duke change the subject. "A girl's got to have some secrets."

He smiled back, and for that moment, everything was perfect. It was the kind of moment you remember your entire life, that ideal space of happiness and tranquility.

It made Mara want to be strong, to fight. So they could have more moments like this. Yes. She was going to beat her mother- outsmart her, protect Duke and their baby, and she was going to be standing when Charlotte was long gone. She'd live and she'd prove how wrong Charlotte was- about humans, and about people like Mara not getting a 'Happily Ever After'.

She was going to win for Duke, for herself, and for their child.

She leaned in to kiss his cheek, and he looked so surprised, like that was something that never happened to him. She scanned the Aether inside her and realized; it  _was_. Loving touches, touches that weren't after something- driven by lust or greed or fear- he wasn't used to them. Someone always wanted something, there was always a selfish motivation of one sort or another behind them. Well, not anymore.

She bumped his shoulder with her own. "What are your plans for the day?"

"Didn't I tell you? I'm the boss, I make the schedules. I'm taking the day off. We're going to start  _learning_ , Mara."

She smiled, delighted at the idea and the thought he'd put into it. "Sounds like the best day ever."

"After breakfast, we're putting that splint back on you. No telling when Gloria could show up, and I can protect you from about anything, but she scares the hell out of me."

"You're the smartest man I know, Duke Crocker."

He chuckled and Mara's phone rang. She grabbed it, affecting her best 'distant' voice as she answered. "Hello?"

"Oh god, Mara, where are you? Are you alright? We woke up and you were gone, please come back, please. You cant do this alone."

The abject fear in Audrey's voice shocked Mara to tears. She actually  _cared_. Mara had been so unkind to her, had hit her, and Audrey still cared that Mara was suffering. She wiped her eyes with her napkin, relaxing her voice. "It's okay, Audrey, I'm fine. I'm with Duke. It's a long story, but you guys need space and Nathan talks in his sleep. It's good. He let me help at the  _Gull_  and everything. I'm sorry, I didn't realize- I didn't think you'd care. I should have known better. I'm really sorry. I should have given you more credit. I'm sorry I was cruel to you and I'm..." She wiped her eyes again, sniffling. "I should have given you more credit."

"Oh Mara. I'm just glad you're okay. How are you feeling?"

"Speeding up gestation with Aether is not for the faint of heart, but I'm fine. I'm still on the four hour clock, but if I'm touching Duke it doesn't affect me. I may have gotten in a little trouble when I had to pee, but we worked it out."

"How are you guys getting along?"

Mara couldn't help but smile a little. "Pretty well.  _Exceedingly_  well, for me. He's been wonderful."

"We're going to do some research, see if we can find Charlotte, or help Gloria find a way to remove what's hurting you."

"Audrey, you can't go near Charlotte, especially on my behalf. If she thinks you have any sympathy toward me, you could be in danger."

"What if I don't go anywhere alone and I shoot her with a taser?"

"Well... that could work, I guess- but only if you have the element of surprise. She's not an adversary you want to take head-on. Please. I... I don't want you getting hurt because of me, because you're trying to help me. I want you and Nathan to stay safe."

"Can we come by later and talk? Maybe we can brainstorm."

Mara looked at Duke, covering the phone with her hand and whispering. "Audrey wants to know if they can come over and talk later."

She'd caught him in the middle of his last bite, and he held up a finger as he swallowed. "Yeah, just tell her to knock first." He winked and Mara blushed.

"Yeah, that's fine. Just knock first. We're... being cautious."

Audrey snickered. "A little late for caution, don't you think?"

Mara gasped a shocked laugh. "Aren't you supposed to be the good one?"

"Eh, well. There's another dirty joke there, but I'll let it be for now. But I'd like to really talk, if we can."

"Yeah. I think that would be good. I have things I need to say to both of you. And you have a filthy mind. I guess we have something in common after all."

"That's the beauty of life, Mara. Always something new to learn."

"This time  _I'll_  skip the dirty joke."

Audrey laughed, and the sound reminded Mara of wind chimes. "We'll see you later."

Mara hung up, shaking her head with a bemused smile. She looked up at Duke. "She's not so bad, I guess. She- they- want to help."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing her head. "We'll take all the help we can get. We'll tear that bitch to pieces."

Mara just cuddled closer, trying to experience real happiness for perhaps the first time in her life.

* * *

Duke tried to get Mara to play Monopoly with him, but she flatly refused. She remembered an old game with Vince and Dave that had gone on for ten  _hours_ , and there was still no winner. Mara suggested Scrabble, and Duke agreed, as long as they could use words from other languages.

They sat on the floor, each trying to outwit the other, but the moment Mara played the word 'love', Duke quickly changed it to 'lover'- she used the 'e' to spell 'Duke', and the game quickly devolved into foreplay. It was barely ten minutes later that she crawled over to him, wrapping her bare legs around his hips as she sat in his lap.

She was wearing nothing but his shirt still, and she pulled it off immediately. They'd lived with enough barriers between them, and Mara was done with barriers.

She kept her hands on his face, the left demanding, the right simply stroking his stubble with her fingertips as she explored his face. His skin was like velvet, and Mara pulled him closer, pressing her chest to his.

She kissed him fiercely, desperately- Duke was all that mattered to her, him and their child and the  _chance_ , the chance to live free, to be happy and make her own way, a life that mattered. Free of physical or mental cages, free of her own self-hatred. He made her feel good, worthwhile- something that she'd given up on but still missed terribly. The burning in her body had nothing to do with the implant now, she craved Duke, not pain. His hands, his smile, his child growing inside her- these were the things she lived for now.

And she  _would_  live, she'd live to spite her mother, to prove that she was stronger, smarter, and that with Duke at her side, they would be unstoppable.

His hands slid up her body, cupping her breasts- already tender and swollen- in his soft, strong hands. Mara whined deep in her chest, pulling at him. She could feel his erection through the thin cotton pants he wore and she pressed against him, her hips swiveling over him.

"You're overdressed, Duke." Mara murmured.

"Agreed."

She knelt up, letting him wiggle out of the pajama pants before she lowered herself again, rubbing herself against him, his silken flesh against her overheated skin. Her breath came in panting gasps, one hand fisted in his hair, the fingertips of the other stroking his face.

She was so, so tired of mistrust. Of lies and secrets and  _hiding_. She pressed her lips to his ear as she pressed down on him. "I love you. I've always loved you." Then he was inside her, and she couldn't speak- could barely think coherently.

There was nothing, absolutely nothing like the feel of Duke filling her, of her muscles tightening around him. She rocked against him, still clinging to him. His hands moved around her, one tangling in her hair, the other pressed firmly to her lower back, his fingers pressing tight against her skin as he groaned, his head turning to press a kiss to the hand she held to his face.

"Mara, I- oh god- I'm so glad you're  _you_."

Tears fell from her eyes as she clenched around him, feeling like she'd earned some kind of reward. Loving words and gentle touches, his desire for  _her_ , for who she really was, who she could be, all surrounding her like she surrounded him, and she gasped and cried out, feeling like she'd been shredded and reborn, born perfectly this time- loved and wanted the way she was.

Duke shifted, laying her back on the rug as he stayed sheathed inside her. He kissed her, hard and demanding, pleading with her body as she tried to bring him closer. She watched his face as he moved, the way his eyelashes brushed his cheeks, the movement of his lips as he breathed between kisses.  _He wanted her_. He knew what she was and what she had done, and he still pressed into her, murmuring her name as her back arched, all pretense, all her carefully crafted disguises gone. He had unraveled her, torn her apart completely and put her back the right way.

He was sweating and panting, running his lips all over her face and when she cried his name, he pushed deep into her, loosing his own low, guttural cry as he came, their bodies pressed so tightly together that they occupied the same space, and she felt  _loved_ , something she had never expected or dared to hope for. Loved for herself, not for any fake personality or jumble of memories that belonged to another person.

Her arms and legs were wrapped around him, cradling him against her as she continued to kiss him, trying to say everything without words. She kept her lips pressed to Duke's as he pulled out, and she relinquished her grip on him reluctantly, stretching out on the rug as he flopped down beside her. Mara took a few second to catch her breath, to blink the tears from her eyes before he pulled her against him, pressing his lips to her forehead.

His voice was deep and sleepy. "If you need to use the bathroom, I suggest you do it now. When your four hours is up, I'm not letting go until and unless I absolutely have to."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm starting to think you have a thing for damsels in distress. Not that I  _am_. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

He looked into her eyes, raising one brow at her. "Don't remember saying you were. I think what I  _said_  was once I have a good excuse, I'm not letting go. You knew I was needy when you slept with me. You really have no one to blame for  _this_  part but yourself."

He startled her into laughing. "You can spin words even better than I can, I think. Duke, I don't want you getting fed up or frustrated with me. I don't want you resenting me."

He rolled on his side to face her. "When you said I was afraid of abandonment by women, Mara... you weren't wrong. When I ran around that corner and saw her with her arm around you, obviously doing  _something_ , I think my heart literally stopped. I was afraid I'd blink and you'd be gone. I was angry about some of the things you said because they hit too close to home. You really do understand me better than anyone else, and that fucking scared me for a long time. I didn't know what that said about me- that I was intrigued by you even when I thought you had done all those things- you know, it kind of felt good, knowing that someone else could understand those negative feelings in me.

"I was relieved when you were still there when the dust settled, and I was frankly shocked that you let her go. I wanted to stop her myself. I understand why, and I respect your feelings, but I don't know that I could have been that forgiving. And knowing what I do now, I wish I'd shot her ass. I may still shoot her if I see her. Not to kill- I want to force her to take that damned thing out of you first. But I'll happily hurt her, and I won't lose sleep over it.

"You and this baby and me, we belong together. I'm not going to let her win, Mara. There's no way I'm losing you, not either of you. You said I smelled like home. For me, you  _feel_  like home. It's not a feeling I'm used to, and I'm not willing to let go of that. So please know that when I hold you or touch you, it's not because I feel like it's my duty. It's because I  _want_  to. The implant means you have to  _let_  me touch you. I hate what it's doing to you, but I won't resent you. I promise."

Mara smiled a little, running her eyes over his face. No trace of a lie. "I'd make a home with you, Duke. Something neither of us have had. There's a lot that we can learn together. But hey, I have a question. I wouldn't want to be paid or anything, but being useful makes me feel better. Would you consider letting me help at the  _Gull_  more often? I'm good at the work, and it's good for me to be productive."

His smile was devilish. "Will I get to boss you around?"

"Mm. You can try. I take reasonable requests. I'd still be an employee, technically. And I solemnly swear not to maim any customers, and any tips I'll give to the employees I'm helping, you have my word."

"Yeah, Mara. I'd like that a lot. You're a hell of a good employee. I'm pretty happy with my crew, but you're pretty amazing. I didn't know what to expect, but you kind of kicked  _my_  ass when it came to the bar. You're welcome to come and work any time you want, okay?"

She smiled like he'd given her a gift. "Okay, I need to use the bathroom, I'll be back. If you want, you can call Audrey and Nathan and let them know we're decent. I'll be sure to put clothes on."

He chuckled as he pulled his phone out. "You know where my stuff is, help yourself."

"I always do." Her smile was sweet and she kissed his cheek. She stood stretching before she started turning for the bathroom.

"Wait, Mara?"

"Hmm?"

"Is your hip okay, or do I need to take a look?"

"It's shallow and it stopped bleeding hours ago. It's fine. But if it makes you feel better, I'll ask you to take care of anything I can't do myself. Fair?"

"I'll take it."

The bemused smile didn't leave her face as she used the bathroom, going to the bedroom to pull on some cotton yoga pants and a tank top, and she grinned widely as she borrowed one of his cardigans.

He owned some really comfortable clothes. She couldn't be blamed for using them.

She stared into the mirror as she brushed her hair, wondering what Duke saw in her. A tiny voice, one she hadn't heard since before the Barn spoke up- her own voice, young and inexperienced and afraid.  _'Hope. Possibility. Acceptance.'_ Mara considered the words. Though she had trouble admitting it, part of her understood- felt the same way. He hoped he could make her a better person. She hoped she could  _be_  a better person.

The possibility of them having a future together, of neither of them going to bed hurting and alone, rejected and misunderstood was almost painfully appealing. They could make something amazing if they worked together. They could make a  _family_ , and heal each other at the same time.

Acceptance was the one she got stuck on. She accepted him completely, embracing his flaws as totally as she did the rest of him. To Mara, he was perfect the way he was- she just wanted to take the fear from him, the dread that he'd eventually be left alone. She didn't know how to accept herself, but she was willing to do anything to take that fear from Duke, and if learning how to accept herself was what was required of her, she would do her best.

He wanted to help her, was willing to keep her near him to do it. Audrey and Nathan wanted to help her. She had to let them, for Duke and for the baby, and for the piece of William that was just hers, the part that she still prayed wasn't truly damaged beyond repair. One day she wanted to see him happy, free of their mother. She wondered if Charlotte had done something to him, like she was doing to Mara, to force him to act the way she wanted. One day Mara was going to save William, if he could be saved. She still loved him, though she found now that she didn't  _want_  anyone but Duke, she still wanted her brother to be free and happy.

Mara closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She had to win for all of them. But Duke was with her, and the Aether that snubbed Charlotte  _loved_  Mara. She could do it. She could do anything,  _would_  do anything just to see her child's smile.

She was still smiling as she came back out to Duke, who had dressed and was putting the Scrabble board away. She pressed against his back, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing.

He made a contended sound as he turned to hug her back. "What was that for?"

"For being you. For trying to help me learn."

He smiled, kissing her ear. "Nate and Audrey are coming over, they said they're bringing food. We're going to put our heads together and figure out a way out of this."

"Will you text Gloria for me and let her know where I am? I don't know that she'd try to reach me or not, but I really like her. I want her to know where to find me if she does want to talk to me."

"I'd be happy to. She likes you, you know. She's pretty picky, too. It actually  _means_  something when Gloria likes someone."

"I like her, too. She loves you, and that makes me trust her. Man, I never thought I'd trust  _anyone_  again, ever."

"We're learning, Mara But we'll be alright as long as we're together. Do you believe me?"

"I do. Of course I do. I'm going to live, you know. I can't pass up the opportunity to see you with our baby. Whatever I can't do myself, I know I can do for you and for the baby."

His smile was warm, and the look he gave her made her blush. "Tough as nails. You're as strong as you are beautiful. Come and let me love on you while we wait for the dynamic duo."

They curled up on the couch, Mara cuddled into Duke's lap. She held his hands in her own, and she relaxed against him as his hand settled over her abdomen. Another perfect moment suspended in time. Another bit of undeniable proof- proof that she  _could_  have a life, proof that she didn't need her mother to  _change_  her for her to feel happy. All she'd ever really needed was someone to allow her to feel and enough freedom to learn to accept it.

She may not have all the answers yet, but she had the will, not just to survive, but to learn to be better, to be happy. And the people who wanted to help her- Duke, Gloria, Audrey and Nathan- they were the people she could trust to teach her.


	7. Ask Me No Questions

True to their word, Nathan and Audrey showed up with dinner precisely 40 minutes later.

About 10 minutes after Mara had dozed off, laying on Duke's chest.

She honestly wasn't sure if he'd tried to wake her first or not, but when she woke, she was in his arms as he unlocked the door. She blinked repeatedly, shaking her head a little to chase away the fog. She saw Nathan and Audrey folllowing them back to the living room.

"What- did I fall asleep?"

Duke was smirking as he sat, setlling her against him. "You did. Something must have tired you out."

Oh, he wanted to play that game? Mara was afraid of a lot of feelings- embarrassment was not one of them.

She smiled coyly. "Some things are worth staying up for."

Audrey rolled her eyes. "Oh, this is going to be interesting. As competetive as you two are, everything is going to turn into some kind of game."

Mara shrugged. "Games turn into sex. I'm okay with that. We don't finish the game, so nobody loses, and he's really good in bed, so everyone wins."

Nathan choked, coughing hard, but Duke just nodded seriously. "We get competetive about that, too. Sometimes we win two or three times."

Audrey laughed. "It appears  _someone_  crossed the finish line." She gestured toward Mara's stomach.

Mara let out the smallest giggle, and slapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide. She couldn't believe she had relaxed that much, had let such a  _girly_  sound escape her. She coughed, trying to cover the slip, but the smirk on his face told her that he'd heard that little laugh. "Shut up," she whispered out of the side of her mouth.

Duke leaned even closer, his lips an inch from her ear. "Make me."

He was needling her, trying to embarrass her. She narrowed her eyes, whipping her head to the side and pressing her lips against his. He kissed back, single-minded as ever, and after a moment she pulled her face back, murmuring, "I win."

Duke's mouth opened and closed a few times as though he were looking for a witty retort, but eventually he shrugged and smiled. "Fair enough."

Mara just smiled and looked back at Audrey as they passed out the food.

It was hard to look at Audrey sometimes. Partly because it was like looking at herself, and partly because it made Mara want to  _talk_  to her. The sameness in them that both attracted and repulsed Mara. That she was constantly jealous of the blonde, of her ability to make people adore her, was an added stessor. Mara was loathe to admit it, but she wanted what everyone wanted- to be loved. Audrey had that in spades, enough that she tossed love away. She had  _extra_. So much extra that some of it had spilled onto Mara, giving her two children.

Maybe it was a combination of the excess Aether and hormones and sleepiness or maybe she just wanted to talk, but without planning it, she found herself speaking, looking at the floor.

"You know, ever since I was a baby I've had a fear of mirrors. In the house I grew up in, any mirror that I had to pass at night had to either be covered or have a protective ward in front of it. Well, my father called them protective wards. They were crystals, I don't know if he actually did anything to them to make them protective or not. But I couldn't sleep in front of a mirror and if I had to use the bathroom at night, I would go out of my way to avoid mirrors or I'd make William come with me.

"I've wondered a lot if it's because I had just a little precognition- the ability to see the future. Enough to know that the mirror wouldn't always show me myself. The phobia has gotten worse, of course. Since I've been myself it's not just at night that I hate mirrors. It's why I have trouble looking at you sometimes, Audrey. Because you're one of the people who wasn't me when I looked in a mirror, but you're  _outside_  the mirror. And it's strange because I don't know who crossed. Did you go through the looking glass or did I? Neither of us was born on this world, but you were at least started here. But I was around first.

"It makes me wonder who I am. Even  _if_  I am. It's been so long since I was allowed to be myself; all the fake- sorry, Audrey, obviously you're not fake, but you're not like the others- the personalities pasted over me, I don't know if they changed me. I don't know if I can trust my own memories. In the between-times, the Barn-times, people don't use my name. I hadn't heard my name in so, so long."

She looked up to see them all staring silently. "Sorry. I'm not sure why I told you that. It takes me awhile to wake up, I guess."

She stared down at the carton in her hands. It had her name on the top, and she was curious what they thought she'd want to eat.

Audrey's voice was quiet but strong. "I wish you'd talk more often. I have questions too, things only you can answer. It helps to hear you talk."

Mara cocked her head, curious. "What kind of questions?"

"Well, like- if Charlotte is your mother, who is my mother?"

"The universe. Mother Earth. Yourself. Me. You're different. Special. You're not like the other personalities who were all just versions of me. At first I thought it was because of the reincarnation Trouble that Duke used to split you from me, but it's not. You were always different. You evolved into something more.

"Just like you can still feel a part of Lexie, I feel- completely feel- every personality that came before you. It's not like talking to different people, they're all just me with different hair and different memories. My mother is smart, but she's not a god. She can't just create lives. The best she could do is reprogram my memories and change my damn hair, sending me back over and over in between rounds of testing. That was never the case with you."

"What do you mean?" Everyone was looking at her, but she was only watching Audrey.

"From the beginning, there were differences. A lot of similarities- the sarcasm, the self-deprecating humor, the need to  _fix_ \- but the differences were huge. Your taste in books and music, your taste in  _everything_ , really. Your lone wolf act. The others, who were based on me, they always had a small circle they absolutely relied on, we always  _wanted_  people with us. At first I thought it was because I'd just finally given up on trusting anyone, but I'm me, split from you, and I still feel as much need as I did before. You were never drawn to Vince or Dave, either, and yet I still feel that bond. The same blind, unshakable trust I always had in them.

"Nathan is a part of it, too. When we got here this time and he pulled us out of that damned car, when I felt his hands and heard his voice, it  _hurt_. It hurt so bad. I realized I'd spent more than fifty years pining for a man who was in love with  _you_ \- and if you'd been me like the others, I would have had no reason to be jealous. I knew something was different from the beginning, and I did my absolute best to keep you from starting something with Duke. I was angry and jealous.

"When I got control and found out you were still rattling around in there, that you had managed to break through, I knew things were more serious than I'd thought. That you really were a separate person, and I didn't know how we'd cope with being in a single body. Especially with them trying to get you back. And I was so angry because everyone acted like I had no right to my own body."

Mara shook her head, frowning. "And my mother tried to kill me, to replace me with you. It's a strange feeling, knowing everyone wants you dead because you were trying to do something good.

"But to answer your question, I guess technically you're an offshoot of me, but not a copy. Which I suppose  _could_  make me your progenitor. You're different than me, probably better. Genetically, you'd be classified as my twin. You could think of it like that, like a fertilized egg that splits into identical twins. We just split late. That would, I'm sorry to say, make my parents your parents."

"So Charlotte would be my mother?"

"My condolences. Of course, I've never seen a DNA test, she could have just stolen me. I've fantasized about that a lot in my life. That she just found me and William in the park or a store and just grabbed us and ran. I know chances are slim, but a chance is a chance, right? Neither our mother or father are Gifted, so that's an anomaly. Maybe Gloria can con a DNA sample from her."

Audrey was thoughtful. "You said some of your people-"

" _Our_  people, Audrey. You're no more human than I am."

"Our people, then. You said some are born with abilities. How do you find out?"

"There are some scientists who can predict based on chromosome analysis the chances that a child will have abilities, but for the most part, at some point it just becomes clear. Some abilities manifest before birth- things like telepathy, when the parents suddenly start hearing the baby. With me and William, they knew either before or immediately after our birth. We could clearly communicate with each other, and my ability to manipulate nature became obvious during my delivery. Most kids go through a phase where their abilities activate- like the Troubles- and we can't control them, and that's how most find out."

This time Nathan asked the question around a mouthful of noodles. "How did your ability become obvious?"

Mara chuckled without humor. "We'd had a major snowstorm, a blizzard, while Momma was in labor. That could have been written off, it was almost November. But Daddy took videos, showed them to me so I could keep the images in my memory- I was born at 12:34 PM, and when I took my first breath- and please don't make fun, I swear it's true and I can prove it- flowers pushed through the snow and bloomed. Almost a mile in every direction, flowers everywhere. All kinds, things that don't even bloom the same time of year. I'm not saying it was some kind of good omen- that would be ridiculous and I'm not a complete idiot- it was just dormant seeds responding to my ability."

He didn't look doubtful, just curious, but Duke asked, "What do you mean, you can prove it?"

"I told you my father took video so I could record the memory. This is why." She held her hand up and colorful images danced above it like a movie projector or a hologram. A stone house; roof and the land around it covered in deep snow, flakes still falling from the sky as flowers of every color and variety pushed proudly through the snow. Crocus, daffodils, roses, violets- it seemed like there was another flower every few inches as the scene moved, the view turning in every direction. Lightning sparked across the sky above in a hectic dance.

A handsome man with a beaming smile came into view. "My daughter did this. All I asked for was a healthy child, and I was blessed with two perfect, beautiful babies and then  _this_. One day you'll see this, because I want you to see that even the world is celebrating your birth with me. William James and Mara Leah, you've made me the happiest father in the universe." The view shifted, panning to Charlotte, staring at the two newborns she held. One had wispy, tight golden curls and the other a full head of thick chestnut ringlets. Both had bright sapphire eyes.

Mara froze that image, staring with the others. She was studying Charlotte's face, looking for traces of emotion, anything that might explain what she was feeling in that moment.

She didn't look happy- she certainly wasn't beaming with pride the way their father was, but that could have been blamed on exhaustion. Mara knew how hard labor was. She imagined it was twice as bad with twins.

She didn't look sad. If anything, she looked curious yet detached, like she was studying specimens at a zoo and not her own children.

"Your middle name is Leah? It's pretty." Duke tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

Mara laughed darkly. "My father thought so too, because he never looked up the meaning. 'Mara Leah' means 'bitter and weary'. My mother has always been gifted at insulting people. Mostly me."

They all looked stunned and uncomfortable. "It's fine, it's fine. I got used to it a long time ago. It's just a name now. She's tried very hard to make me live up to my name, but I'm still standing."

They were still studying the picture as Mara said, "This is the same day she forged the bond between us. We would have been bonded anyway, the way all twins are. We loved each other. But it wouldn't have gone so far as hurting one because the other was injured. That was all her. Part of her just hated us for being special, but a larger part was thinking ahead to what kind of powers our children could have if we were already that strong. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother- she was just living up to the expectations of a married woman. But once we were born, she became interested in us as science experiments.

"She had one more child when we were about 6 in your years. Our sister Eleanor. William and I called her 'Ellie'. She didn't start manifesting her gifts until she was about 4, and I was the only one who knew. She could read people, see the real faces behind the masks and lies. She came to me and told me that she was afraid of Momma, that she was dangerous. I made Ellie swear to never, ever let our parents know she was gifted."

Audrey seemed distraught as she asked her next question. "What happened to Ellie?"

"I told you that I've wondered if I had a little precognition. It was either that or just because I'm better at reading people than I thought, but I was anxious in the months before the Barn, before William turned. I asked my godfather to find a way to take her and hide her if anything happened to me. I know he trusted me, and I believe he at least tried to do what I asked. I don't know for certain, but I believe she's alive, that he managed to get her away, hidden and being raised by someone else."

"Why do you think that, Mara?" Nathan's tone made Mara feel strange- hearing him say her name like it was normal, like he would anyone else, with no fear or disdain or dread- it gave her a sense of relief that was close to euphoria. That he was able to speak to her at all without them fighting was almost miraculous to her.

"Because he was punished too. Byron Howard. The man you call 'Agent Howard', he was our godfather. The only reason that he would have been bonded to the Barn is if he'd really angered her, and so I think he got Ellie to safety. Maybe I can try to find her using Aether. She'd be about... what, 15 or 16 in your years."

Duke looked disturbed. "Uh, exactly how old are  _you_ , in human years?"

Mara sighed, unwrapping her chopsticks. "Don't ask questions you don't want answered."

"No, I can take it. I want to know."

She stared at him as she answered, ready to catalogue his reactions. "About 22."

His eyes were wide with surprise, but it was Nathan who made her laugh. "So Audrey... she's 22?" His voice rose to a squeak at the end.

Mara chuckled. "We're both legal. Don't get all antsy now. We look slightly older because of the constant back-and-forth between worlds, and since we're basically at our physical peak we won't age anymore. Doesn't matter if you consider us 15 or 1,500, it's all the same. For us, age really is a meaningless number."

She was shocked when she finally looked down at her food. "Who ordered this?"

Audrey raised her hand, waiting for Mara's reaction.

"How did you know to get this?"

"I saw it on the menu and it just... seemed right. Is it okay?"

Mara wasn't sure what to think. She knew she'd never discussed her favorite foods with them, she knew it for a fact. She and Audrey didn't even eat most of the same foods. So opening the box to see Thai pumpkin curry, with tofu no less, was astounding. Something she would have only ever expected William to do.

"It's perfect. One of my very favorite dishes. I never told any of you that I don't like meat. I never told you any of this, but you still somehow... it's perfect. Thank you."

She took a slow bite and her eyes rolled back, her entire body tingling. Something she loved that she hadn't tasted in so, so long. She ate happily for a moment.

Nathan was still thinking math. "So how old were you when the Barn started?"

"Like I said, time is flexible, especially since I bounced between worlds so much, but between 13 and 14. Nobody really pays much attention to age where I come from. You're either a young child or you're an adult, especially if you're Gifted and are being used in science experiments. Puberty hits and you're an adult. They treat 13 the same way they treat 53." She bit into a piece of pumpkin and groaned with her eyes closed.

When she opened her eyes, Duke was staring at her, his eyes dark and hungry like  _she_  was the main course. He caught her off-guard and she couldn't stop the blush creeping up her face. "Here, try." She held out her chopsticks, the other half of the pumpkin cube held neatly.

Never moving his eyes from hers, Duke leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the bite, raising his eyebrows as he chewed. "That really is good. You need to tell me more of the things you like, because you... you are really hot when you're enjoying something."

She let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and heard Audrey laugh quietly. Mara leaned in to whisper in Duke's ear. "Careful. Don't start something you can't finish."

He smirked as he whispered back. "Oh, I can finish."

She narrowed her eyes at him, barely breathing the words into his ear. "See, that's where I have you beat. I would take you right here, right now- audience be damned. I'm not terribly concerned with exhibitionism when I'm with you. I want you. However, the look on your face when you're inside me? I don't want to share  _that_  with anyone. And I would  _like_  to take my time with you, but if you keep this up, it will be over far more quickly than I intend."

She bit her lip softly, feeling his pulse speed up where they were touching.

Mara wasn't certain where the heated, demanding words had come from- she generally had much better self-control and her sexual history was so limited- but she felt different with Duke. Perhaps it was the Aether or the rapid increase in hormones, but she suddenly felt like she could- like she  _should_  be touching and loving him as much as she possibly could.

His eyes were smoldering as he stared at her, whis voice as quiet as her own. She didn't doubt that Audrey and Nathan knew what they were talking about, but there was no way they could be overheard. "You want me?"

"How could you doubt? I want you so much I feel like my skin is on fire. I want to try everything with you. And knowing that I'm carrying  _your baby_ , that part of you is growing inside me, me and not a jumble of fake memories and a name that isn't mine, it makes me feel like your name is carved on my heart. Like I belong to you in a way that I never could, never  _would_  want to with anyone else. Yes, I want you. More than that, though, I  _need_  you and I  _love_  you, Duke."

She didn't even have time to blink before his lips were on hers, but she tilted her head, kissing him ardently and biting his tongue just hard enough to get his attention. It made him groan low in his chest, and the sound rumbled through her body, giving her goosebumps.

Nathan had to clear his throat three times, but it was Audrey who said, "I  _will_  get the hose out, guys." The threat made Mara laugh, breaking the kiss as Duke flopped back against the couch dramatically.

His reaction amused Mara. "Honestly, Audrey, you've got no room to talk. You didn't even hang a sock on the doorknob yesterday. The things I've seen... I'll be sending you my therapy bills."

"So what exactly happened last night? How'd you end up with Duke?"

Mara shut down immediately, visibly curling up on herself and forcing an aloof expression. Why did people constantly ask questions they  _didn't want the answer to_?

"I didn't belong there, with you and Nathan. He talks in his sleep. You need your privacy."

"What do you mean?"

"Please, Audrey. Drop it. Duke and I agreed it would be safer for me to stay here. Momma agreed to turn the implant down, she never said she wouldn't come after me physically and that apartment is about as defensible as a cardboard box. She said herself that she'd kill and dissect my baby. I don't  _belong_  anywhere, but I enjoy being near Duke and as long as he has no problem with me being around, I'd rather stay here."

Duke wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. "Eat, Mara. You don't have to say anything you don't want to. But you have to eat, because I was enjoying the show."

She laughed half-heartedly, but took another bite.

She could  _see_  the moment Audrey put it together- her face went pale and she looked horrified. Mara just shook her head. "Can you understand my fear of mirrors now, Audrey?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

Mara shrugged, shaking her head. "My issues, Audrey. I'm the one who has to deal with them. It's fine."

Audrey studied her for a moment, finally saying, "You're wrong though. You  _do_  belong somewhere."

Mara couldn't help but glance at Duke before shooting Audrey a 'shut up, you'll scare him' look. Audrey rolled her eyes, and Mara was saved by the ring of Duke's phone. She ate some of her tofu as he answered, smiling a little. "I really do appreciate this, Audrey. I've really missed someone knowing what I like, caring what I might want to eat. None of the personalities were vegetarian, and I used to love food. It's miserable having to eat things you dislike all the time. It's not even for health or morality reasons, I just don't like most meat. Sushi I love. Bacon I make an exception for. But most things the personalities ate I hated, and I always knew Momma did that on purpose.

"It seems so bizarre to me. I know what you guys think about me, yet you're here, trying to help me. I don't even think it's because you're trying to save Haven from getting shoved into the Void, or because you're personally offended that she tried to use you. But I don't understand why you're doing it."

Audrey met Mara's gaze without blinking. "Because you're right. We all did things we weren't proud of when we were kids. I hate that you were  _punished_  for trying to help people, that she tried to make you feel worthless. That she's threatening your baby. Since we split, I could start feeling which emotions belonged to me and which were yours, and I understood how you feel about Duke. How  _strongly_  you feel.

"I also hate being played. Used to hurt someone who didn't deserve it. And Mara, you  _don't_  deserve it. Whatever the hell her problem is, it's not you who can't be trusted. It's  _her_. I'm mad that I believed her."

"Yeah, well, join the club. I let her touch me, I knelt there and believed her lies while she tried to kill me and destroy everything I love in the world. If it hadn't been for this baby... for the fact that I love Duke too much to let go, I'd be dead and Haven would be turning into some kind of Lord of the Flies experiment."

Nathan looked at her, not even looking uncomfortable with her existence for a change. "I'm here because I was wrong. Because I hurt you. Because she killed our son and I want to hurt her. If I'd had any idea, I never would have gone to her for help, I hope you know that. I didn't trust her and I knew she wasn't who she said she was, but I had no idea she was tied to you until later." He looked disconcerted. "If she  _had_  killed you, it would have been my fault. And she..." He swallowed, looking a little green, and Mara understood.

"No, Nathan. Stop. You didn't know, and you  _couldn't_  have known the rest. I didn't even know about James, Nathan. How could you? You had no way of knowing any of it. Hell, if I'd just talked to you instead of being angry that you were upset about missing Audrey, maybe you would have been able to stay away from her. But you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault."

Mara wasn't even sure where the words came from. Why she was trying to soothe Nathan of all people. It felt like there was no middle ground where he was concerned. She either loved him or hated him. She knew she wasn't in love with him anymore- he had never been in love with  _her_ , so she couldn't have been in love with him. But she  _did_  love him, and it hurt her to see him so unhappy.

Gods, even her issues had issues.

She stared down at her food, putting something in her mouth before she could speak and embarrass herself further. She could  _feel_  Audrey's eyes on her.

Duke shoved his phone back into his pocket. "That was Gloria. She wants to see you, to run some tests. X-rays and things like that. I guess things are a litte...  _tense_  around town. People taking sides- the ones who trusted Charlotte, who thought she could cure the Troubles vs. people like Vince and Dave, who thought she was bad news from the start."

"But that's not fair," Mara argued, "How could anyone know? You had nothing warning you about her and no reason to suspect she was involved. I was the only 'bad guy' in town at the time, but even then, how many people actually know anything about me? There's only a handful of people who know I even exist, and all of them have believed from the start that I was evil. Either way, I was taking up all your time. The only reason Vince and Dave were suspicious of her at all was because they're suspicous of everyone!"

Duke shook his head, holding his hands up. "You don't have to convince me, I agree with you. I'm just sharing the news."

Mara wanted to pace, but kept still, her arm pressed to Duke's. "Honestly though, how many people know about me? Hardly any. It wasn't exactly common knowledge. You guys, Dwight, Vince, Dave and Gloria. Nobody else knows a thing about me. If you helped me, I could help everyone else. Remind them that they're on the same side. I don't exactly  _want_  people to know all my shortcomings, but if it could unite the town- give it a common enemy- I'll do it. I'll get up in front of all of them and tell them all of it. It's their story too."

Audrey kept her eyes on Mara's but tilted her face toward Nathan. "That's not a bad idea. If everyone was watching for her- not just us- we'd have better odds. We'd have to meet with the people who do know about Mara separately, get them caught up, but after that, we could set up some kind of Hot Stove meeting. We complain about there being too many secrets in Haven, but we're not exactly helping."

Mara put her food down, bringing her knees up and making herself as small as possible. Old habit from when she was young. "The only thing I'm not sure about is explaining how I exist at the same time as Audrey. Are we supposed to just tell them that Duke split us? I can explain everything else, hell, I can  _show_  everything else just like I showed you the day I was born. But they're already going to be afraid of me when they hear everything, and I don't want that fear to spill over onto Audrey."

Audrey narrowed her eyes, staring around the room. "If we're going to tell the truth, maybe we should just tell the whole truth. Including us being split. It's relevant to the rest of the story- we couldn't have let Charlotte trick us into recombining if we hadn't been split."

Mara tried not to show her fear as she met Audrey's eyes. "They're reactionary. They're going to be angry and afraid. Some won't care that I was a child. I don't want anyone getting hurt. I think we should meet with the people who know about me- Dwight, Vince, Dave and Gloria- she wanted to check me out anyway- and actually work  _with_  them to try and set up some kind of plan.

"I'm also going to send Aether to look for Ellie, and to try and locate William. I may be able to get messages to and from him without setting him free. I need to know, I need to hear from him. He pulled me up for a reason, and I saw the look on his face when I got control. I can't get that look out of my head- he looked so happy, so relieved, and I don't know if Charlotte did something to him to force him to follow her orders. I'm not in love with him, I hope you understand that, but I still love him and if she hurt him or somehow forced him to do what he did then he deserves to be saved too. Okay? I need to do these things, but I'd like to be honest with you about it."

Duke's arm tightened around her and he touched his head to hers. "I trust you, and I'll help you however I can. You sure there's nothing romantic left though?"

He was trying to keep his tone light but his fear was palpable. He'd been alone so long, had love ripped away from him over and over. For some unknown reason, he'd decided to share that part of himself with Mara, though she knew he deserved better. He was afraid of being hurt again.

She shifted and took his hand, moving to face him as she knelt on the couch. "I swear to you, I swear on my life, you're the only person I want that way. There are a couple of people I love, but only one that I'm  _in love_   _with_. I don't want anyone else." She took his other hand and pressed it to her stomach. "We belong to you. I just hope that you want us."

Duke pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her and hiding his face in her hair. "I want you. Both of you. I just worry."

"That's the one thing you shouldn't worry about. I have a lot of faults, Duke, but when I love, I do it completely. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I feel guilty because you deserve better, but I'm too selfish to let you go."

He nodded against her neck, holding her tighter. "Do you want the others there when we meet with Gloria for the tests?"

Mara considered. "It would probably do a lot to help them believe if they saw themselves. Yes. Have them meet us at Gloria's office. Whenever she wants. The sooner the better." He nodded, squeezing her before he pulled the phone out and dialed.

She was exhausted as she looked at Audrey and Nathan. Pregnancy was always tiring, but sped up so much? She felt like she could sleep half the day. "Nathan, I want to explain something. I'm not trying to be inappropriate, I hope you both know that, but I also want you to know how I feel. I'm in love with Duke, heart and soul, but I do love you, Nathan. Not  _in love_ , obviously- you can't be in love with someone who doesn't love you back- but I love you and I loved James. I believed I was in love with you for a long time.

"But I need you to understand. I've been angry in the past about James and everything about his conception, but I never regretted him, and I'm not angry at you. I love you and I know you were doing what you felt was right. I understand why you thought Audrey was Sarah, or a part of her. It would be unfair to hold that against you. So please know that I love you, I don't blame you, I'm not angry with you and what happened to him is not your fault. I don't want to be full of anger and distrust. You need to forgive yourself."

She looked at Audrey. "Please don't be upset with him. He missed you and he was scared. Fear makes people do strange things. But he's only ever loved you, I know that, not just because of the way he looks at you but because I can feel it from the Aether inside him. He's only ever really loved one other person, they haven't been involved in a long time, and he's taken. So please don't worry or doubt."

Nathan flushed, stammering. "But - how did you, I mean..."

"Again, Nathan, the Aether. It remembers everything, and it tells me things. But love is a good thing, and you have to stop being afraid of feelings. We're going to fix your Trouble no matter what. You have to stop being afraid of your feelings though. I know you can do it, I believe in you."

She exhaled loudly. "After I talk to the others, we'll have to talk to everyone. I need to teach you to use the Aether that's inside you. We can remove Troubles now, but I can only handle a few more orbs worth of Aether. Enough to cure a couple of people. You'll have to help with the others until I give birth. We need to be very careful about who we cure, too. If Charlotte finds out what we're doing, I don't doubt she'll come after me. So only people who can be quiet."

Duke was texting someone now, and he didn't look up as he spoke. "Gloria says to be at her office in half an hour. She's on a mission, you know how she gets when she wants to do something." He chuckled fondly.

"We have time- I'm sure you'd like more free time, but if you want, we can cure your Trouble now, Nathan. I'm assuming you can control yourself, since you feel Audrey anyway. What do you think?"

"Now? Like right now?" He looked alarmed, and Mara had to press her lips tightly to keep from laughing.

"No time like the present. Not being able to feel makes you an easier target. I'd feel better if I knew you had the added protection feeling gives you."

"Makes sense. I just didn't expect it to be so fast. What'll I have to do?"

"Nothing, really. Bleed a little. Audrey, I need you to pay attention though. You have to be able to take my place in this process because I can only hold a little more Aether. I'll do this one, but I want you to help Dwight."

Audrey looked petrified, but came to stand close beside her as Mara pulled Duke with her and knelt next to Nathan. "Duke, time to use your new superpower. May I use your knife?"

Duke moved one hand to press against the small of her back before he let go of her arm and handed her the knife. "Are you sure about this? The Aether-"

"I'm positive. One more orb won't make much difference. The Aether isn't trying to hurt me, it's trying to help the baby. But I can't relax if I think Nathan is in danger."

"Okay, okay. I trust you. Just tell me what to do."

"I'm going to cut his hand. Just hold his hand after he's cut, you'll absorb the blood and the Aether in him. After that, you'll want to cry a little. You have to let yourself cry. You can't try to hold it in, okay? Don't get worried about anything else, only Nathan matters right now, okay?"

Duke nodded, watching Nathan's eyes. Mara made sure Audrey was paying attention before she sliced into the side of Nathan's hand, letting the blood well up before she placed his hand in Duke's.

The women watched in fascination as Duke's eyes turned the beautiful silver that made Mara's heart race, and Audrey put her hand on Nathan's hair as he shuddered. Then Duke was shaking too, and the black rose in his eyes before a lone teardrop left him, floating through the air to where Mara caught it, absorbing it. Her muscles clenched, and she tried to ride it out silently as the others patted and touched and hugged, Duke's hand still against the skin of her back.

She felt her body, the Aether expanding and contracting, trying to fit inside her. She blinked repeatedly, but everything was dim and hard to see. The Aether must have covered her eyes again.

Crying silently, Nathan reached for Duke, hugging him hard, pulling Duke's body against his own as he whispered his thanks over and over.

Overwhelmed, Duke reached to hug him back, and the moment his skin left hers, Mara was trapped again, silent and burning. She scratched the nails of her left hand down her right arm, but it wasn't enough. She couldn't make a sound as she dug the knife into her arm, too fast and too hard. She had to yank to pull it out as the fire in her chest receded.

Cradling her arm against her chest, she focused on breathing slowly. The damage was already done, there was no sense in making a scene now. It was easier to control, knowing what to expect. Easier to deal with.

But Duke would be mad as hell.

She sat back on the floor, leaning against the coffee table as she used her shirt to try and stem the flow of blood. She hadn't hit any major arteries, but she'd definitely gone too deep. She couldn't see Audrey staring at her, and she jumped a little when she felt Audrey's hand on her shoulder, the other pulling gently at her arm. Her voice was a whisper directly in Mara's ear.

"Why didn't you say something or touch Duke, Mara?"

Mara raised her eyes, unable to make out Audrey's face. "Couldn't see, couldn't tell where he was, and I can't make noise once the warning time ends." She was whispering as quietly as Audrey.

"We need to get this bandaged."

When Nathan loosened his grip, Duke realized he wasn't touching Mara, and the horror was back in his voice. "God Mara! What the hell happened? Why didn't you just touch me?"

His tone riled her up. She hated this situation enough. "I can't  _see_ , Duke! I was disoriented and I couldn't see where you were and I couldn't make any noise! Please stop shouting at me, I don't like this any better than you do."

His hands replaced Audrey's on her arm, and he used the hem of her bloodied shirt to press against the wound. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Force of habit. Can you see anything at all, or is it like when it hit me?" She felt a cloth replacing her shirt against the gouge.

"It's dim in here, all I can see is the lightbulb. It'll pass." She strained to keep her voice calm and even. "I'm sorry for interrupting your moment. Sorry, Nathan."

His chuckle relaxed her muscles. "Only you would apologize for getting hurt after curing my Trouble. I will never understand you."

"Duke said the same thing, and it still makes no sense. What's there to understand? I'm apologizing because I interrupted your time. It doesn't matter why or what I did before. Where I come from, every action is judged on it's own, good or bad deeds done prior have no relevance. Intention has no relevance."

Duke was pulling her up, the cloth tied tight around her arm. "Well you're not there now, and you haven't been there for a long time. Now you follow  _our_  rules. Let's get your shirt changed and we'll go see Gloria. She can look at your arm while she's poking and prodding."


	8. I'll Tell You No Lies

Duke kept Mara tight against him when they went out to the Land Rover, afraid she'd stumble with the Aether blocking her sight. She slid into the back with Audrey, listening to Nathan calling Dwight, Vince and Dave to meet them at Gloria's office. She fidgeted, twisting her fingers around and around. She could feel the bandage Duke had wrapped around her arm soaking through.

Audrey was fascinated by Mara's eyes, and insisted on testing her vision even when Mara repeated that she couldn't see anything.

"Why is it covering your eyes now?"

"Because there's too much. Not enough room in my body, so it has to go somewhere. Hopefully it will settle down, but in the meantime, I can use it to help me."

Mara focused, forcing herself to flip to Aether-sight. She usually only used it in darkness- it was like looking through infra-red goggles; people and animals appeared red, objects were tinted green and it gave her a headache because everything was too bright, the afternoon daylight too blinding for the way she was trying to use the Aether.

But at least she could see a little. She would take what she could get.

When they parked, Duke ran to open the door for Mara, wrapping his arm around her and leading her toward the office. When Gloria saw them, she came right over to them. "There you are, how are yo- oh my. What happened to your eyes, kid?"

Mara tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help but smile at the doctor's direct attitude. "Just a little too much Aether. We fixed Nathan."

"Well I'm plenty happy for you, Nathan, but is this going to go away?"

Shrugging, Mara mumbled, "Maybe. Depends on if it finds room to fit."

"You sure do keep an old gal on her toes. What happened to your arm?"

She held Duke's hand, looking down as she answered. "Stab wound."

Gloria's nose wrinkled and she pursed her lips. "It was her, wasn't it?"

"It was the implant, yeah."

"Well, sit down and let me fix it so we can do some real tests."

Mara sat still as Gloria stitched up her arm, and then she was run through a huge battery of tests. Vials of blood were drawn, they did a CT scan and an ultrasound- Gloria did everything but open Mara up to take a closer look.

As the doctor read through the reports, Audrey sat down with Mara. "I was thinking, you didn't have any problem healing me, right? When you put the Aether in me?"

"No, why?"

"Well, what if you pushed more into me. If you have trouble stopping I can just pull away, and any extra I could make dormant myself, couldn't I?"

Mara tilted her head, considering. It really wan't a bad idea. "It's worth a try. Just pull back if something seems wrong at all. If you get more than you can use, I'll show you what to do."

Mara reached out her hands to Audrey, letting her vision go back to normal, back to the blindness and Audrey took her icy hands in her own warm ones.

With a slow exhale, Mara pushed Aether from her body directly into Audrey's. As soon as her vision cleared, Mara pulled away, shivers racing up her spine. "Do you feel alright?"

Audrey stretched out and shrugged. "I feel fine. Your eyes aren't black, can you see now?"

"I can see, and I was able to stop. Isn't that a novel change? A drive only to hurt myself, but not other people. Do your fingers feel odd at all? Stiff or gummy?"

Audrey wiggled her fingers, her nose wrinkling. "A little stiff, like I've been out in the cold or I'm wearing thick gloves."

"Rub your fingers together, focusing on the buildup in your fingers. Think about forming an orb." Mara encouraged Audrey gently and Audrey complied, a perfect orb forming from her fingertips.

"I did it!" Audrey sounded delighted and Mara smiled.

"You did perfect, good job. We'll get you a pouch to keep some in for if you ever need it. For now you can put it in your pocket."

Cocking her head, Audrey looked at Mara. "You're crazy overfull of Aether, I know- what does it feel like? If one orb makes you feel that uncomfortable, how bad are you right now?"

Mara sighed. "It feels like my whole body is stiff and sore. Like an overstuffed pillow. It hurts to move a lot, and the Aether itself makes me very cold. My temperature is probably around 94 degrees, maybe less. It makes my head and neck ache, and when it stretches or expands, it feels like my bones are going to pop apart. You saw how Duke was when he really needed to vent a Trouble? The shaking, the sweating, the pain? That's how it feels when it expands. But it goes in phases."

There was a knock on the door, and Dwight entered, Vince and Dave with him. They all appeared anxious and uncertain. Mara waved and tried to smile. "Thanks for coming. None of you had to, and I appreciate it."

They nodded apprehensively and Nathan went to fill them in.

Gloria took off her reading glasses and sat back in her chair, pursing her lips. "Well, you were right about the barbs making it hard to remove. It's wrapped itself tight around two ribs. We could go in and cut through the ribs, do a bone graft. It's not unheard of to remove one rib completely and use it to graft a higher rib. What I'm worried about it that it could have some kind of defense mechanism, something that would hurt you or make you sick."

Mara exhaled loudly, slumping back in her seat. "Momma wouldn't have made it so it could just be removed that easily. She'd have taken precautions." She let her head fall back, staring at the ceiling. "Of course... she also wouldn't expect another Aether-user to be here. She wouldn't have known how to fix Audrey, she can't use Aether herself. Even William is limited. Genetically, I'm a freak even on my world. The level of Aether in my body is 80%. More that than person. William was 14% and even that is considered high for my people.

"Audrey is genetically identical to me, it's why Momma tried to do what she did. But she would never have expected me to have given Audrey the Aether. She may not know it's even possible. With practice, Audrey could learn to do Aether-based surgery. William did it on me a few times when I was badly injured. Audrey is capable of so much more than William, though. If you were willing to learn, you could enclose the entire implant in a ball of Aether, right through the bones. Then... you could tear it out."

Mara sat straighter, excited by the idea, though Audrey and Duke looked sick and horrified. Duke knelt at Mara's knee, looking up at her. "That sounds dangerous and painful. Won't that hurt you?"

She shrugged. "No more than removing those sections of rib in a normal surgery. And a bone graft could be put in after. It would keep the implant from spreading poison, it could save my life. Obviously I'd have to train Audrey, but if she's willing... I'd have to wait until after the baby is born, but it's the only good option without involving my mother."

Gloria looked interested, leaning forward over her desk. "Would we be able to sedate you for the procedure?"

Mara straightened her spine, trying to look stronger than she was. "No, but I can take it. I've gone through it before."

"What happened that time?" Gloria put her glasses back on, writing notes.

"I was tested regularly as a child. When I was about four in your years, Momma brought me to the scene of a transporting accident. I mentioned people being born with different abilities. Some can do teleportation of things and even people. But if they aren't careful, if they don't know exactly where they're sending something and make sure nothing is in the way, sometimes things get spliced.

"You know that two things can't occupy the same space at the same time. In a splicing, they do. The scene I was brought to, a girl had tried to transport into a room and misjudged distance. She spliced into a metal staircase." Mara's eyes slipped closed as she remembered. "Steel steps were sticking through her body and she was screaming, she was in so much _pain_. My mother gave me Aether and told me to fix it."

She clenched her jaw, looking away. "I tried. But I was so young, and the girl died. I was punished and warned that if I failed Momma again, she'd send me to the Void. When I was about six in your years, she was showing me off to a group of her peers in a scientific conference. I mentioned that Aether is addictive, like a drug. You can overdose. You can go through withdrawal. I can handle maybe ten orbs a day before I set off the sickness. I did 15 in one day once and was in withdrawal for a week.

"During this conference, Momma had me processing orb after orb. I asked to stop, and she warned me again about failing her, that if I embarrassed her in front of her peers, I would be punished. I got through _one hundred eleven orbs_ before my body gave out. I had a seizure in front of all her buddies. She was furious. She gave me a pocket knife, took my ring and shoved me out a Thinny. I went through the worst withdrawal of my life, and I was left in the Void for over six human years. I was barely seven when I made it back. I had been attacked by one of the creatures in the Void. I killed it, but it had gored me, and the tusk was lodged in my gut. William removed it the same way the implant has to go."

There was nothing but stunned silence throughout the room, Duke's knuckles were white on the arms of Mara's chair and he leaned to press his forehead to her leg. She ran her fingers through his hair and felt him shaking, muscles tensed in fury.

"She left you in the Void alone for six years when you were a tiny child, because she purposely overdosed you and your body gave out? That's..." Duke trailed off, his arms wrapping around Mara's waist.

"Shh. It's okay, Duke. I lived. It didn't seem unusual to me, it's just how I grew up." Mara stroked his hair, trying to calm him down.

His head snapped up and he stared at her with wrath in every line of his face. "It's not okay! Fuck, you _killed_ my father for doing a hell of a lot less than that! And I'm still grateful every day. That's beyond child abuse, that's _torture_. How the hell did she get away with it? Did people know?"

"Yes, people knew. She's a doctor, a scientist. Because I'm an anomaly, she was legally allowed to experiment on me. Later, when I was almost an adult and would have been legally able to make my own decisions, she trapped me in the Barn. It's just how the law there works. You can't compare her to Simon. Simon had no motivation but to hurt you, he wasn't- it wasn't the same, Duke. I had to kill him so you would be safe. He would have ended up hurting you a lot worse than he already had."

"I'm gonna return that favor, Mara. I'll gut her without remorse. You know I hate killing, I hate it. But she deserves to die for what she's done. You and this baby are my family, and nobody hurts my family. Nobody." He pressed his hand to her cheek, eyes tight as he gazed into her eyes. "I'm going to make you safe just like you did me. I swear it."

Dwight stepped forward, frowning. "Nathan explained. I'm sorry about everything."

"No, I'm sorry. I was needlessly cruel to you. I was angry and scared. I shouldn't have been nasty to you, especially about your daughter. I am sorry, and I'm not trying to hurt anyone."

"Nathan said you fixed his Trouble?"

"Duke did. I just help him make the Aether dormant again. We're happy to help whoever we can, but it has to be people who can keep it secret. If my mother finds out, I'll have a bigger target on my back."

Gloria interrupted, coming around the desk to stand in front of Mara. "Can you show me the scar from the surgery?"

Mara stood as Duke pulled back to give her room, pulling up her shirt to show an old, puckered white scar a few inches from her navel. Gloria looked closely, nodding.

"Well, at least it's something to consider. Has anyone but Duke been able to affect the implant?"

"I don't know," Mara shrugged, "I haven't tested. Audrey tried, but she can't help."

"Is it active now?"

"It's starting to be. It's not burning yet, but soon."

"Well for goodness sake, line up, boys. Maybe if one of you helps, we can narrow down what's affecting it."

Mara sat back down and Dwight came forward, taking her hand. She smiled tightly, shaking her head. "No change, but thank you."

Nathan tried next, and she paused, taking a deep breath. "It's better, but not complete, not like Duke."

She squeezed Nathan's hand before she let go, and Vince came forward. The anxiety was starting to evolve into the desire to hurt, and she shuddered, shaking her head. "No. Thank you for your help."

Vince looked at her seriously, patting her hand. "It will be alright. We'll help you however we can."

Dave came next, jumpy as always but still giving Mara an adoring look. When he took her hand, her muscles relaxed and she looked up at him. "Stronger than Nathan, but not as strong as Duke."

Dave smiled brightly, his chest puffing out in pride. "If you need any extra help, just call me, I can be there in minutes."

Duke pulled a chair up to Mara's other side, wrapping an arm around her and taking her hand from Dave with a tight smile. "I think I got this, Dave, but thanks."

Dave gave her a sad look and moved back to his brother.

Gloria was looking curiously around the group. "So what do Duke, Nathan and Dave have in common that Vince and Dwight don't?"

Mara went very still, blood draining from her face as her stomach rolled. Duke looked at her, rubbing her neck with his free hand. "What is it, Mara?"

"I know what they have in common." She glanced at everybody and then looked away from all of them. "I'm pregnant with Duke's baby. I had a child with Nathan when I was here as Sarah." She straightened up again, her eyes tight and posture defensive. "When I went into the Barn as Lucy, I was pregnant. It was Dave's baby."

There was a moment of stunned silence before everyone started talking at once, but Dave stood in front of her, his face serious and sad. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to. I came to your office the day I found out, told you we needed to talk, but you stopped me. Dave, it was the same day you told me about the Hunter! I asked you all those questions, do you remember? When I realized that there was no way the baby would be able to survive outside me by the time I had to go, I couldn't tell you. I couldn't hurt you more. It was already too much. I barely managed to-" her eyes shot to Duke but she took a breath and continued, "I barely managed to kill Simon in time. And then we found James's body, I just couldn't leave more pain behind. I'm sorry."

Audrey rested her hand on Mara's shoulder. "What happened to the baby?"

Mara looked away again. "She's dead. She was born in the Barn, Momma let me carry her to term since I was in custody anyway, and I refused to tell her who the father was. She was so beautiful. She was Gifted, had abilities. I knew what my mother would do to her. She wanted to know if she was a Gifted half-human, but she was full-blooded Omni, because Dave is trapped here but he came from my world. I begged and I pleaded and I cried, and so finally William loved me enough to take pity. He took her, brought her back to this world. She was adopted and I thought she was safe from Haven."

Mara looked miserable for a moment and black tears rose in her eyes but didn't fall. "She ended up coming to Haven. Not to look for me, she never knew anything about me. She came to help Duke and Audrey." She raised her chin defiantly. "Jennifer was my daughter and I couldn't save her because I couldn't get free until too late. She died because of me."

Dave stumbled back to sit on Gloria's desk and Duke looked green. Even Nathan and Audrey were silent and gaping. Mara dropped her head to her chest, a tear falling on her hand where it reabsorbed. She tried to pull her hand from Duke's, certain he would be disgusted by her, but he held on tightly, leaning to whisper in her ear.

"You're not the only one with a past, Mara. It doesn't change _us_."

She couldn't look up. "Do you mean that?"

"I swear it. It's kind of a relief, understanding why I was drawn to her."

"But you loved her, and she died because of me."

"No. She lived because of you. You weren't in control down there. Not until after you pushed William. I know you were bleeding through, but I could always tell who was who. It's not your fault."

She hugged Duke, refusing to cry in front of all these people.

Dave's eyes were red and his voice hoarse. "I got to know my daughter. She was smart and pretty and tough. I wish I'd known who she was, but even if you had told me you were pregnant, I wouldn't have thought to guess Jennifer was my daughter. It's not your fault. I knew the danger of opening that door. You did the best you could." He bent to hug Mara, kissing her cheek before returning to Vince and Dwight.

Gloria spoke up. "So we know what the link is. During pregnancy, mothers develop certain antibodies to the fathers blood. What blood type are you, Mara?"

"AB, RH null. One of the rarest blood types on this world. Pretty rare on mine, too. But I didn't have any RH factor compatibility issues with either pregnancy, and this one seems no different. I believe that's just because my body is more advanced in some ways, better able to carry a baby. When nobody is after me, at least."

Gloria scribbled more notes and Mara rested her head on Duke's shoulder. She was so tired.

"Until and unless I can find something else, I think you should start training Audrey. If we can't find another way, we should be prepared to get that thing out of you. I did an obstetrics rotation same as every other doctor, I know you can't see a regular doctor so if you want, I'll take care of you."

Mara looked at Audrey. "I won't pressure you or guilt you. I respect your decision and I won't push, but are you willing to learn? Are you willing to do surgery on me?"

Audrey was pale and her eyes were wide, but she nodded. "I'll help however I can. I promised and I meant it. But what will the practice be?"

"You'll be learning to force the Aether in your body to concentrate in your fingers while I make other parts of me focused Aether as well. It will allow you to push your fingers into my body, like putting your hand in water. You have to learn to do that and also how to surround an object with Aether to trap it. I know it sounds gross and I'm sorry. But you're the only one who can do it."

"Well, Dave is from the other world too, could he help?"

Mara shook her head. "He doesn't have the ability to use Aether. But I mean it, if you're too uncomfortable, then say no. I don't want to force you into this. Maybe you could just form the orb to cage the implant, and then I can do the rest. Maybe that would be best. I don't want to force you into something that makes you uncomfortable. So I'll just teach you how to trap the implant in Aether. I can do the rest myself. Or Gloria can, so she can do the bone graft. Let's do that instead. It's far less work and not traumatic for you."

She tried to smile at Gloria. "I would like it if you can help me with medical issues. I don't need much in the way of prenatal care. I can scan myself when I need to. I delivered James at home, I want to do the same with this one. I don't want Momma having any chance of getting word that I deliver earlier than she's expecting. That would be a disaster."

"We can get the Guard looking for her. Maybe if we find her, we can keep you safer." Dwight made the offer without hesitation, and Mara smiled at him.

"Thank you. We were thinking, maybe we should talk to everyone. Like a town-wide Hot Stove meeting, so we can tell them our story and get them to stop all the petty infighting. It's not fair that people are blaming you for believing her, Dwight. She fools people, it's what she does. This town has one enemy. They shouldn't be fighting each other. Besides, it's their story too."

Dwight was taken aback. "You would do that? You'd tell them everything?"

"Yes. They deserve to know. Especially if it helps them work together. I'm not saying I'm not worried, I am. They're dangerous and short tempered. Reactionary. But they need to be working together, not sniping at you for trusting someone they all trusted too."

"Thank you so much. You don't have to do this, I wouldn't ask you to. You're going through enough."

"I want to, Dwight. For all of you. I'd appreciate if you could try and keep people from trying to hurt me, though. Some won't care that I was a child. As much as I'd like to fix all their Troubles, if Momma finds out she'll be furious and she'll try to find a way to hurt me more. She obviously doesn't know Duke is blocking the implant, but there's still a real chance that she'll come after me physically. Nathan and Audrey heard her too, she said she could learn just as much from dissecting our baby as she would from letting it be born. I had to threaten to burn myself to death to get her to let me carry to term. She doesn't know about the Aether so she has no way of knowing I'll deliver sooner."

Duke's hand tightened around hers and he snarled, "I fucking dare her to come near you. Where you go, I go. I won't let her touch you, but I'll make her pay. She'll be the one begging when I'm done with her."

"Ah, death threats. Still a romantic at heart, aren't you?" Mara smiled softly at Duke, squeezing his hand.

"You know what I mean. I'm done letting her hurt you. I wish I had known, I would have shot her. You shouldn't have let her go."

"But you didn't know, and if I had killed her you would have thought I was more evil than you already did. I'll outlast her, Duke. If you want me, I will stay with you no matter what. I'm not perfect, but I'm stubborn. I don't give up on things I love."

Dwight's gaze was fierce as he sank to one knee in front of Duke and Mara. "I'm sorry about all of the fighting, everything that you've gone through- and it sounds like there's still a lot I don't know- but I will never let her hurt you guys. I won't let _anyone_ hurt you."

Mara tilted her head at Dwight. "You have nothing to apologize for. You were always kind to me. Kinder than I deserved. You were so sweet I even had trouble insulting you properly. That's something that just doesn't happen to me." She smiled wryly and Dwight chuckled, smiling back.

"It bothers me that I had... feelings for her. Knowing how cruel she could be to her own child."

"You didn't know, Dwight. She fooled a lot of people. Even me, and I knew better. Don't let it make you suspicious of your feelings in the future. Don't let her damage you like that. You have such a good heart, and it shouldn't be locked away."

"Thanks, Mara. I really do appreciate it."

"No thanks necessary. You deserve to be happy, not hurt."

He smiled at her and she ruffled his hair.

"If you don't need us for now, we should get home so I can start teaching Audrey what she needs to know to help me. When you guys have a date and time to meet with everyone, just call Duke. We'll be there. Thank you all for your help."

Vince and Dave left first, Dave stopping to kiss Mara's cheek and whisper in her ear. "I'm sorry that I didn't find a way to keep you here, and I understand why you didn't tell me. I really do, and I'm not mad. Please try and relax. We'll help you."

Mara nodded, kissing his cheek as he left. She turned to Gloria, using sign language again.

_"Thank you. I appreciate everything you've done."_

_"You're welcome. But how are you holding up?"_

_"I'm worried that I'm pushing Audrey to do something she doesn't want to. But I can't do it myself."_

_"Have faith. It will be okay, sweetheart."_

Mara nodded and kissed Gloria's cheek, following Nathan and Audrey as Duke held her hand and Dwight followed, insisting on walking them to the car for protection. "If you need me for anything, call. Even if you just want to talk."

"Thank you. Come by the boat when you can, we'll get rid of your Trouble. Audrey has to learn anyway. There are some things we should discuss about Charlotte anyway. Whenever you have time."

"I will. It's going to be okay."

She nodded and smiled as she slid into the Land Rover, exhausted, and held Duke's hand all the way home.


	9. Instinct to Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended. Possible triggers for violence.

When they got back to the _Rouge_ , Mara insisted on cooking for everyone. She immediately started digging things out of the fridge and freezer, cleaning, cutting and sauteing with single-minded determination.

Honestly, she just didn't want to sit and talk, now that so many of her secrets were out.

But, of course, Duke couldn't let go of her because the implant was active, so they worked together, arms pressed skin to skin as she had him cut up the beef. She knew the others weren't vegetarian, so she was making something specifically for them.

She washed her hands once she had everything simmering and pulled an orb out, gazing at it thoughtfully as she rolled it between her hands. She had to get a message to William, she had to know if he was truly lost to her or if he'd been hurt and coerced as she had been. Finally, she put the orb to her lips, singing softly in a language Duke didn't recognize. Her eyes were closed as she sang and her voice was almost pleading. She whispered a few more words in the unusual language before she crushed the orb and sent it away.

"What will it do now, Mara?" Duke spoke quietly, browning the meat as she washed her hands again.

"It will find William and give him the message. He can send me a reply. It's the only way I can find out if he was being controlled without actually freeing him. I'm sure he was expecting me to go after him immediately, but I couldn't have even if I wanted to. I was too busy fighting with you guys. I want him to still love me, I hate the idea that he just stopped loving me and betrayed me for no reason. If there's even a chance Momma was forcing him into this, I have to know."

"What was the song?"

She was cutting up red potatoes, putting them in a pot to boil, and she didn't look up as she replied. "A song we learned from Samuel. Translated into our native language. It's the closest thing to a test I can think of. If he sings the rest of the song, the orb has hidden programming that will tell me what's in his heart. If he responds at all, I'll know if he chose to work with Momma or was forced to."

She shifted a little, edgy as she blanched the spinach. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Jennifer. I wasn't trying to keep secrets. She never knew me, and she's gone because of me. I didn't want to bring up a sensitive subject and I didn't want you to- I didn't want to poison your memory of her by telling you. I've hurt you enough."

"Hey, stop. Knowing doesn't change the way I feel about either of you. You obviously loved her too. I know now- hell, I knew then- that Jen and I weren't going to be forever. I loved her and I wanted to protect her and I was lonely, but she couldn't have dealt with my lifestyle long term and neither of us was going to change. I'm really glad to understand what was drawing us together. Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask whatever you want. I may not always answer."

He smiled, shaking his head. "Why did they call her the 'Child of Ruin'?"

Mara grimaced, glaring down at the counter. "My mother started that. She thought she was going to learn so much from studying Jennifer. When she got back and the baby was gone, and she couldn't get anyone to say what had happened to her, she was furious. Said 'That child will ruin everything I've worked for' and any time she had to mention her, she called her 'The Child of Ruin'. I paid for that. It was worth it, though."

"What do you mean you paid for it?"

Mara slid her hand up Duke's shirt to press her fingers to his side and turned her back to Duke. "Lift up my shirt." She focused on letting the hidden scars show and Duke let out a sound that was half sob and half gasp. His fingers traced the criss-cross of stripes gently.

"Mara... do they hurt?"

"No, they're long since healed. I'm only letting them show so you can see." She let her skin go back to normal, the scars invisible unless you knew they were there.

Duke smoothed her shirt back down, taking her hand and pulling her into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I wish I had known."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I disagree. I never wanted you guys to accept me out of pity. I know what I am, and if I get a place with you I want to earn it, not get it because you feel bad for me. I did bad things. I'm trying to make them right, but the scales aren't exactly balanced."

"There's an old Egyptian religious story that when you die, you go before Anubis-"

"And he weighs your heart against a feather. If the scales balance, you pass. I know. I was always fascinated by the religions on this world. So many of the different stories match stories from my world, just with different names. Hell, half the stories on this world match other stories from this world and nobody seems to notice. Mithras was born in a cave on the winter solstice. Odin hung upside down from the World tree for nine days and nights, with a spear wound in his side, so he could obtain knowledge."

Duke grinned at Mara. "Most people get this glassy look in their eyes when I get talking about history or culture. It's really nice being around a woman who's smarter than me."

Mara smiled deviously. "I won't tell Audrey you said that."

"You'd better not. She'd kill me and Nate would plant all kinds of evidence to get her off."

"I can't argue that." His phone rang and he held up a finger as he answered, following Mara around the kitchen with his hand on her back.

Mara whipped the potatoes and laid everything out in the baking dish, piping the hot potatoes on top- a proper Shepherd's Pie- and shoving it in the oven.

Duke groaned as he put the phone back in his pocket. "How mad will you be if I need to work tonight?"

She shrugged as she washed a pot. "Will you be able to eat first?"

"Yep, I don't need to be there until around 7. But I need to stay through closing."

More than her four hours would allow. No matter what, she'd have to handle the implant.

"Can I work? It's easier if I'm not bored. I'll take the hit just before we open for dinner."

"Shit. I guess you'd have to if you stayed home, wouldn't you?"

"It could be worse. At least I could be useful, and it gives me the chance to stare at your ass all night."

He smiled, chuckling as he shook his head. "You win. It's a seven hour shift, so you'd have to take two. I don't like that."

"Nobody likes it, but I'd have to do it either way."

"I could have Dave come stay with you."

"I swear, Crocker..."

"We'll make it work. If you want to come with, I won't turn down the help. The crew liked you."

"I'll change as soon as we're done eating. Audrey brought me some clothes she doesn't wear. So basically, all the good stuff." Duke hid his laugh with a cough and they went to sit with Audrey and Nathan while dinner finished cooking.

* * *

Work meant they didn't have time for questioning after dinner, so Mara got to spend her time dressing. She wore a tight red tank top, the denim skirt she'd gotten back from Audrey, and her leather jacket was draped over her bag. They rode in holding hands, and when Duke parked, Mara cut a slit in her thigh, pressing a large band-aid over it before they headed in.

When they got in to the _Gull_ , Duke checked his messages and gestured gratefully at the ceiling, like it was a prayer of thanks. "I am so lucky you're here, Trish called in so we're short. Are you absolutely sure you want to work with me the whole shift?"

She gave him a dry look and shrug. "I can't really play Yahtzee or Twister on my own. At least now I have something to do." She slid on the leather jacket to hide her arms and she turned toward the mirror, reaching into her pockets and slipping in Lexie's nose ring, sliding several of her rings on her fingers. She put a little more eyeliner on and adjusted her hair, using the Aether to _push_ and make it grow, then tying it in an elastic so it hung over her breast.

When Duke came back up to her, he had to do a double take. His expression was incredulous and confused. He looked down at her, the rolled sleeve of his open denim shirt pulling back as he pointed his finger unconsciously. "Lexie?"

She laughed Lexie's laugh and grinned up at him. "Nope. But she's still in here. I'm still Mara. But I can be any of them." Her stance changed, one hip cocked slightly and a thoughtful gaze in her eyes, head slightly tilted and it was like looking at Audrey. Another shift, posture straight yet relaxed, a very serious look on her face, suddenly she was Lucy. Again, hands on her hips, lips pursed slightly and Sarah's voice said, "They're all me, Duke."

Mara stretched as Duke stared with his mouth open, shock written in every line of his face. "They were all me, and I'm all of them. All 19 of them make me who I am right now."

"I- that- is it really wrong that I thought that was really, really hot?"

She laughed Lexie's laugh again, and even the mannerisms were the same. "I hope not! It's not like I can just exchange them. There's no such thing as 'laser personality remover'... though I have wondered about a few people, if we're honest. It's like Nathan can turn his personality on and off like a light switch."

Duke bent double, laughing. The whole 'Lexie' thing was making him a little hysterical. "He's always been like that, always afraid to take the initiative. Then he'd get mad when I'd get the date or whatever we were competing for."

"So competition is your kink, or is it just competition with Nathan?" She was wiping down the bar, setting up her workstation and putting a couple $5 bills in the tip jar as other employees set up the kitchen.

"My kink?"

Mara rolled her eyes. "Yes, your kink. Everyone has one. Some people like being tied up, some like being spanked, some like biting- I'm a personal fan of biting, but I want to know yours. Your kink. Other than seeing me naked in chains."

She spoke nonchalantly, barely glancing at him as she worked. "I have good hearing, you know. I could tell when you were touching yourself just next to that doorway. I could see the teeth marks where you'd bitten your fist to keep quiet when you came. Sometimes, when I would listen to you, I'd touch myself too, pretending it was you, just so I could see what it felt like to come with you, hearing your voice." She smiled a little, looking at him through half-lidded eyes.

Duke coughed into his fist, face turning red. "I can show you right now if you're so curious." A lock of his ever-growing hair fell in his forehead, standing out even more against the red of Duke's skin.

"That sounds fantastic, but we open in three minutes, and I have to work. Don't want to upset the boss."

Duke grinned. "You want to play that game?"

"What game?"

"The 'who can turn the other person on more' game. Don't play innocent."

"I'm not _playing_ anything, and I'm certainly not innocent. I'll be in your bed at the end of the night either way, I win no matter what."

Duke leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "My kink? I like sex in places we shouldn't be, where we could get caught. For instance, taking you in the count out room mid-shift."

Goosebumps broke out on her skin and her face flushed. Smiling, he slapped her ass as he went to unlock the door. "Spanking is good too."

Mara laughed as he moved back down the bar and she tied the apron around her waist, tucking a bar towel into the side. The knife, her ever-present companion, was in her pocket.

Seconds before the first customer came in, her orb zipped back to her and she snatched it out of the air before any other employees would notice it. It vibrated in her hand. "Duke, I need to run to the count out room for a second." She opened her hand just enough to show him the orb.

"You sure it's safe?"

"A messenger orb can't hurt me. I just need some privacy, because these people think I'm normal. It would freak them out."

"I'll cover, go ahead. Just let me know."

She nodded, smiling tightly, and ran for the count out room, locking the door and sitting before she crushed the orb.

William's golden voice rained over her and tears rose in her eyes. She dabbed them away as she listened, keeping track of the readings all the while. When the song was over, his voice spoke in her head.

"I'm sorry, Mara. I'm so sorry. I never left. Everything was black for awhile, and then you were in that Barn. You have to understand I didn't know, I never knew what she was going to do. I tried to get you out so many times, but that guard dog Howard kept me away. I couldn't get to you until Wuornos killed him. I tried, baby. I'm sorry. I will _alway_ s love you."

He was being honest. The orb clearly showed no sign of deceit. She cautiously re-formed it, whispering, "Come home. I forgive you. We saved Audrey, I'm making a life and I'm in love. Just come home." She only hesitated a moment before she sent the orb out again, then she stretched and took a few calming breaths, putting on her 'work face' before she headed back out. As she passed Duke on the way to her end of the bar, she leaned up to whisper in Duke's ear. "All good. He's not lying. He didn't mean to hurt me."

They met each other's eyes and she gave him a reassuring smile and nod as she went to work.

It was surprisingly busy for mid-week, and though she went out of her way to touch or brush against Duke every chance she got, they didn't have nearly enough time to play with each other. But Mara laughed and teased and playfully flirted with everyone, even Dwight and three of his stunned buddies from the Guard. He'd obviously told them about her, but they'd never seen her and they weren't expecting her to be their _waitress_ , certainly.

"Dwight! Gentlemen, how nice to meet you. I'm Mara and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

Dwight just gaped at her for several seconds before he shook his head. "Mara? What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"I'm helping out, Duke's short a staff member and I'm bored. Lexie was a bartender, so- here I am."

"Why are you dressed as Lexie?"

"Her job, her mannerisms. When I'm busy I fall into old patterns and it throws me off if I don't match the part."

He shook his head as they gave her their orders and she walked away laughing. She put the food order on the spindle, pouring their beers. The door opened and she narrowed her eyes, recognizing the groping college kids from her first night here. "Potential trouble at table 3. Guys like that don't like getting embarrassed. Keep your eyes open."

"You want me to kick them out now? I don't mind."

"Don't be absurd. They may be perfectly decent sober. Just keep an eye out and so will I."

She brought Dwight's table their drinks, tucking the empty tray under her arm and glancing around to make sure nobody was looking before she pulled her left sleeve up slightly, letting the Maze that always lay hidden in her skin flow out, each line traced in bright golden-red fire. She made eye contact with each man, and she was very solemn when she spoke. "Thank you, all of you, for everything you do for our people. I appreciate it more than I can tell you. But relax tonight, drinks are on me." She walked away, waving off their objections to take the order from table three.

She smiled as she did to everyone else. "Good evening, I'm Mara, I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you?"

The young men sat in silence, unsmiling as they stared at her.

"You need a few minutes? That's fine, I'll come back and check on you in a few."

Her skin crawled as she took her place behind the bar, more comfortable with a barrier and Duke at her side. When the sensation didn't pass, she realized she'd blown through over half her shift. It was almost 11pm.

And her four hours were up.

"I need to take a quick break, cover me? Five minutes, tops."

Duke obviously hadn't noticed the time either. "Sure, I've got this. See you in a few."

She went out the back door, digging the knife from her pocket. With her right hand splinted, her options were limited. She had just touched the blade to her upper leg when the door opened and she straightened up quickly, hiding the knife at her side.

"We were hoping we'd get a chance to talk to you."

Fabulous. Cranky college kids with a petty grudge.

"You're more than welcome to speak to me inside. Or any other server can take your order."

They laughed. "We're not here about _those_ orders. Turns out we're not the only ones who think you need to get knocked down a peg or two."

No. Oh no, no, no. She'd at least assumed Charlotte would come after her _herself_. The weather changed in an instant, clouds full of lightning rolling in and thunder rumbling ominously. She wondered who it was warning.

She made her voice as bored and aloof as possible. "So you're working for Charlotte Cross? Consider me duly warned."

The biggest one stepped forward and she stepped back, letting her eyes glow bright red. "You need to stop now, before someone gets hurt."

"She told us about your little contact lens trick. And that's not what we got paid for."

Mara was a great fighter, brilliant with a blade, but she was using her non-dominant hand and she had promised not to kill anyone. But she'd be damned if she went down without a fight, not to a bunch of rich college brats and certainly not to anyone working for Charlotte. Wind whipped around her and the thunder grew louder.

She could sense that at least two of them had familial Troubles- she could force them to trigger, but she didn't know their names or the nature of their Troubles, and she didn't have orbs handy to alter them. The one in front rushed her and she knew- she'd just have to fight and do her best not to kill.

That went entirely against her instincts and training. When she was a child in her combat lessons, she'd been taught that when you had to hurt someone, you made damn sure they _stayed_ down.

She tightened her hand on the knife, slashing upward and taking the first by surprise, the blade slicing through his cheek. Then she just tried to force her way through the steps of combat, the dance she'd practiced a thousand times.

Sidestep, elbow to the ribs. Knee into the groin, slash down, aiming for the neck and checking the momentum, hitting his shoulder instead. Solar plexus, instep, nose, groin. Kick to the back of the knee. She hit with her splinted hand, slashed with her left and _kept moving_. That was the first rule of combat; _Don't let your adversary hit you_.

She was holding her own, and she screamed, but the music was blaring and she wasn't even sure Audrey was home. She screamed again, trying to focus on the movement through the burning that warned her that her ten minute grace period was almost up, and when she opened her mouth again, she was silent. Thunder crashed, trying to scream for her.

The burning intensified and a fist caught her in the back, over her kidney. She stumbled, sprawling face-first into the ground, gravel embedding in her cheek, but it wasn't enough, not enough damage to give her her voice back.

Or maybe Charlotte was forcing the implant to stay active.

A kick caught her in the ribs and she flew a few feet before one of them stomped on her hand, forcing her to drop the knife.

One weapon down. Aether it was then, promises be damned. A tear fell and she brushed it with the fingers of her free right hand, darting her arm up to press against one's face where he had started to lean over her. He began to scream, scraping at his skin as lesions appeared, growing and bursting rapidly. She got another tear and managed to hit the hand of another and he jerked, skin blackening as he rolled, trying to put out the fire only he could see.

That's when the last two caught on, another foot stepping on her right hand, crushing her wrists into the ground so she was trapped, sprawled on the ground without the power of speech.

Charlotte had planned this well. She had the timing down to an exact science.

But Charlotte had failed to take human nature into consideration. These men weren't driven simply by science or monetary gain, they had a score to settle. She had refused their advances and embarrassed them in front of their peers. They were human and they wanted their pound of flesh.

The one standing on her hands dropped to his knees, moving to hold her wrists as the other pushed at her skirt. Mara, breathing hard, lowered her head just long enough- when she felt the one holding her hands lean forward eagerly, she flung her head up, hearing his nose crack. He cursed, dropping her hands to hold his nose and she grabbed the knife, flipping in one smooth motion to bury it in the last one's neck.

She still couldn't speak, so she wiped the blade on her skirt, slashing the outside of her thigh and climbing to her feet, sprinting for the _Gull_.

Panic catching up to her, she yelled for Duke and Dwight, shaking horribly and standing through sheer force of will.

They ran for her, the other Guard members right behind and she wondered what she must look like- her Lexie outfit spattered with blood, gravel stuck in her cheek, skirt torn and blood on her leg. When they came to her, she pulled them outside, not wanting to make a bigger scene.

She was shaking but her eyes were dry as she pointed to the four men- one kneeling over the one she'd stabbed, blood pouring from his nose.

"She killed them! That bitch killed them! She's crazy!"

As she looked around the scene, Mara felt ill. She had told them she'd changed, that she wasn't a bloodthirsty monster or a freak, but one man was nothing but charred corpse, another was a disgusting mass of bloody lesions and the third was white as a ghost- appropriate- his blood pooled invisibly beneath him where it didn't stain his shirt.

"Mara, sweetheart what happened?" Duke was holding her up, looking like he was concerned for _her_. After she'd murdered three men just outside his business.

"I'm a monster. I killed them. I didn't even kill them fairly. I used Aether. Charlotte hired them but they were just human. What could they have done to me? Hurt me, embarrassed me? I would have lived!"

"Mara! Stop. You're not a monster. Now tell me what happened." He shook her a little by the shoulders and she gazed down, Dwight coming to listen once the last man was handcuffed on the ground under the supervision of the other Guard members.

"I upset them the other night. Made them give me their keys because they were drunk and touching me. I thought there might be trouble when they came in tonight; they wouldn't speak when I tried to get their order. But my four hours... I came outside for some privacy, just for five minutes. They followed me out and said Charlotte had hired them. I tried to get them to stop, but they wouldn't listen. I was trying not to hurt anyone but they disarmed me." She held out her left wrist, already purple where it wasn't covered in blood. Lightning streaked out over the water, the storm swooping in quickly.

She swallowed hard. "I was crying, so I used the Aether from the tears. I screamed, I swear, but then my ten minutes were up and I couldn't scream and all I could think of was the pain. When I touched them, I changed their Troubles, killed them. Then they got my other hand. They were holding me down, and I should have just let them- in 500 years, how would that have been new? But I headbutted that one, broke his nose. And then I stabbed the last one. It was instinct. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She was whispering by the end, arms wrapped around herself. "I understand if you have to take me to jail or to the Guard. I won't fight. I'm sorry this followed me to your business, Duke."

"No, baby. No. I'm sorry. I should have noticed they were gone, I should have noticed the time. _I should have heard you_." He buried his face in her hair, unable to speak. Dwight looked sad and tired.

"Mara, just because you have different abilities doesn't mean you're expected to stand by and let people hurt you. Sure, maybe- _maybe_ you would have lived- but you said Charlotte hired them. You don't know that Charlotte didn't tell them to bring you to her. Mara, you very probably just saved your baby."

She was still looking for any sign of dishonestly in Dwight's face when Nathan and Audrey ran over- they hadn't been home after all. Part of her was almost painfully relieved, relieved they hadn't just ignored her screams. Not that she'd have blamed them.

The paramedics arrived immediately after, and Duke and Audrey brought Mara up to the apartment. They led her to a chair and Audrey knelt at her feet.

"Mara, I know you just want to be done, but will you let me take pictures of your injuries? We need to document for the case."

Mara shrugged, still silent. It was almost like the implant was live, like she didn't have the ability to speak, only now it wasn't lack of ability, it was lack of desire. She stood as Audrey photographed her face and clothes, let Duke pull off the jacket- it was a total loss, too covered in blood and bad memory to be salvageable- and held out her hands and wrists for their pictures.

"Are you hurt anywhere else, Mara?" Audrey's voice was calm and gentle, but Mara had lived in her and knew these tricks- the voices and lines they pulled out for these cases. Mara just nodded, pulling off her tank top but leaving her bra on, the large bootprint black against her rib cage and her back already bruising from the punch. Duke's hands clenched and she saw the tic in his jaw and slight flare of his nostrils that usually meant he was about to hit someone or throw something.

Audrey looked hesitant, but finally said, "Mara, I need to know if any of them raped you."

"No!" Well, that at least brought her voice back. "If I had let them do that I wouldn't have had to kill them. That down there? That's _my fault_. Because I don't have the fucking self-control to fight without killing!"

Duke was glaring as he spun Mara to face him. "No. Don't you ever say that. If you hadn't- if they had done that to you, I would have just hunted them down and killed them myself. You didn't cause their deaths, you just made them a lot less painful than they would have been otherwise. The only person who caused this is Charlotte."

"Charlotte?" Audrey looked between them and Mara realized nobody had told her yet.

"Charlotte hired them. Told them what time the implant would go active. It was a coordinated attack."

Audrey was quiet as she gathered the rest of the evidence- scrapings from under Mara's nails, hair and fibers from her clothes, even the gravel from her cheek when Duke gently removed it.

"Just take the whole jacket. And the skirt. I don't want them back."

Audrey nodded and Duke led Mara to the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up so you can be comfortable, huh?"

Mara followed him to the bathroom, listening to the storm rage overhead as she stepped into the water, Duke taking the rest of her clothes and passing them out to Audrey so she could bag them. He removed the splint from her hand- it was itchy and caked with dirt, and she was fairly certain the bones had shifted when she'd been stepped on anyway. He pulled off his shirt and pants so he could climb in, washing her hair for her.

Her voice was rough and scratchy like she'd been crying. "I'm sorry. I know the bar is understaffed, it's bad enough that I had to quit early, you shouldn't have to babysit me."

"I don't _have_ to do anything. I told you, I'm the boss. I told them to close up early. Besides, we had to close anyway. Cops, you know? I let them have the security video and I'm sure those assholes didn't notice I had cameras outside anyway. They'll clearly see it was self defense, that you were ambushed. Please don't worry. You even warned me when they came in. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

Mara frowned and looked down. "I'm not. You've killed for me enough. I'm glad you didn't have to see- Duke, I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I broke my promise. I said I wouldn't kill and I did anyway." She rested her forehead against his chest, staring at his feet while he massaged conditioner into her long hair. "I've tried explaining that the people I killed before were dangerous, were hurting people, but I know Nathan at least still thinks killing them was wrong. How is this any different?"

"Simple. You were protecting yourself and our baby." He spread his fingers out over the small protrusion you couldn't even notice with clothes on. "Let me ask you something. If you and me were just dating and you weren't pregnant, would you have killed those guys? Or if you didn't know they worked for Charlotte?"

She thought it over seriously. "If I hadn't thought they were going to hurt the baby or give me to my mother... no. I wouldn't have. I still would have fought, but I wouldn't have used the Aether and I wouldn't have- I would have let them do what they were going to do and gone about my business. I'm used to people using my body without permission."

Duke washed her back, legs and feet, running the scrubby all over her body and rinsing her before he poured more soap on his bare hands, tenderly washing her wrists and hands. "That means you did what you had to to protect our baby. I don't know firsthand, but I'm pretty sure that's what a mother is supposed to do. You know if they had given you to Charlotte she would have killed the baby. We both heard her. The difference is, if I had been out there with you? You wouldn't be so beat up and _all_ of them would have been dead. If Dwight hadn't have been here, I probably would have killed the last one myself."

"Do you mean it? Can you really look me in the eye and tell me I'm not a monster? I asked you to bring me to work with you and I ruined everything."

He tilted her head up with his fingers, staring into her eyes with burning intensity. "I swear on everything holy that you are not a monster. You didn't ruin anything. They did. Charlotte did. I don't know about you, but I was having a great time. You rubbing against me every time we passed each other- one of the best nights I've ever had at work."

He finished rinsing her and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around Mara and folding her in his arms. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"I love your hair long."

She almost smiled. "You're trying to distract me." She watched Duke dry her and ran her hand down his arm. Her hands were swollen, stiff and purple. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what the rest of her looked like.

"Depends. Is it working?"

Her lips curled slightly and he grinned up from where he was drying her lower legs.

"A little," she allowed, "but the only thing that I can think of that could really distract me is being back home in bed with you." She blushed and looked away. "To your home, I mean. Obviously."

His smile only broadened. "I will happily take you back to _our home_ and lie in _our bed_ with you."

"What's that look for? It was a slip of the tongue, Duke. Sue me. Oh, or don't. Can you imagine if all the Troubled citizens started suing me? I guess I'm lucky not to have any government identification."

"And you're trying to distract me. Nope. Not happening. I distinctly heard you call the _Rouge_ home, and by Maine State Law that means you officially live with me." He toweled himself after drying her hair as well as he could.

"You're only saying that because you know I won't bother looking up the actual law." She couldn't plant her hands on her hips so she crossed her arms, unflinchingly naked.

"Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. It won't actually hurt you to have a home, Mara." Duke finished toweling off, pulling her closer by her hips.

"Duke, how can..." Mara paused, thinking. Finally she straightened up, squaring her shoulders. "Yes, of course. If you want me there, that's where I'll be."

Duke looked startled that she had given in so easily. "Really? No hours of arguing, no begging, no hunger strikes?"

She shook her head. "No. If you hurt me, you hurt me. I'll never know if I don't try. I've had enough of pulling away from what I want."

He beamed at her, cupping her face and the back of her head gently. "Me too, Beautiful. Me too."


	10. Instinct to Protect

Though she at least had a change of clothes for each of them- cotton leggings and a black tank top for Mara, sweats and a shirt borrowed from Nathan for Duke- they were stuck at Audrey's for another hour while Mara had to retell her story to three different people- as if they'd never heard of tape recorders- and try to sign a dozen papers with an almost immobile right hand. It felt like wearing boxing gloves and her usual flowing script barely looked like a chicken scratch.

Mara paused in the middle of signing the first page, taking a deep breath before signing 'Cross' as her last name.

Duke was struck by that single moment. This woman had been an integral part of their lives- like it or not- for so long, and he had never thought to question her lack of a surname. It had never, ever occurred to him. She was 'Mara, Creator of the Troubles' and even after learning about her true history, he'd never thought of her as a normal person with a last name- one she apparently hated.

But she was just the same as any of them. Parents and siblings and fears and dreams.

Why had they been so afraid of her? If she had been what they thought she was, she could have easily killed them or just left them behind- he'd seen enough from her by now to know for certain that they couldn't have kept her prisoner if she had truly wanted to leave.

Again, they had thought they held all the cards, while she was simply pretending to be a reluctant prisoner to stay near them. The smile grew on Duke's face as he stared at her, realization finally dawning on him.

Mara glanced up from signing a paper and paused to try and stretch her hand. She froze when she saw him grinning at her. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're in love with me."

"You're insufferable. I already told you that." She tried to look bored but her cheeks turned pink.

"No, I mean you've _been_ in love with me. Even back then"

"Again, I told you that."

"Yeah, but now I can see it."

The edges of her lips twisted into a smile and she bent over her paperwork, letting her hair fall over her shoulder.

* * *

Over Mara's vehement protests, Duke called Gloria over to Audrey's place.

"I'm going to get in trouble for wrecking the splint, Duke!" She eased back against the couch, long hair out of the ponytail but still swept over one shoulder.

"No, she'll give you a new, clean splint." He eyed her wrist thoughtfully. "That might be a little longer. But if she wants you to go in for x-rays, that's what we're gonna do."

"I will not! I'm perfectly capable of scanning and documenting my own injuries."

"That's true, but not in a way that a court of law can understand."

"Duke, you heard Dwight. I can't go before a court of law. Not only am I technically not a 'person' because I lack the required paperwork, they can't produce two of those bodies. Nobody will understand anything about me and I'd be in more trouble than I am."

"Well, what is Dwight going to do with the one in custody?"

Mara shrugged and looked away. "Dwight explained everything and I understand. The only things he can legally cite him for are public disturbance and..." she sighed, closing her eyes as she muttered, " _destruction of private property_. They're trying to do what they can, but I'm not a legal person. The closest legal description they can do is 'private property'. They thought they could say he slashed your tires."

"Over my cold, dead carcass!" Gloria's furious voice came from behind them, cutting off Duke's angry reply.

Mara's head snapped up and she groaned at the movement.

"Does your neck hurt?" Duke sounded anxious, fingers running across her neck like he could check by feel.

"Just sore, nothing serious. I wrenched my neck. Calm down."

Gloria held up a finger at the two and they watched her stomp menacingly toward Dwight, who looked terrified. Gloria's words were too quiet to make out, even with Mara's hearing, but she dug in her bag and pulled out a piece of paper, waving it in Dwight's face. He finally nodded, holding his hands up and taking the paper from her. She huffed and stomped back to take a seat in front of Mara.

"Government bullshit, that's what it is. Well let's see what they say about 'private property' now. You're a person, not a cow or a car!"

Mara and Duke shot each other a glance before Mara hesitantly asked, "Gloria, what's going on?"

Gloria was in an utter snit as she dug through her bag. "They want to claim you as _private property_. Well, not while this old crone still has juice in the battery. Nope. I backdated a birth certificate for you and you're not required to have a social security number if you're not working or collecting anything from the government. So I just gave him all the proof he needs to try that little piece of... Well, to try him for everything he can throw and make stick." Her fingers were working carefully, cleaning and debriding the wounds on Mara's face and Mara held still, though her eyes were staring at Gloria in stunned silence.

"But Gloria," she finally said, "what about the other two bodies? I can't- there's no way I can explain those deaths. Those are not obvious self defense, nobody will understand how my abilities work and if they did-"

"Hush up, you can't flap your jaw while I'm working on your face. Honey, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. Those two are already in my office, with paperwork that's going to accidentally have them cremated right after my autopsy results. The autopsies didn't show anything but what looked like one fell on the knife you were protecting yourself with and the other died of a broken neck when he fell and hit his head."

Mara's mouth opened and closed wordlessly and Duke rubbed her back. She finally said, "Why would you do that for me?"

Gloria smiled as she moved on to Mara's ribs, feeling around gently. "Because nobody hurts my kids. Because I don't like rapists or thugs and I flat out hate that broad who has the nerve to call herself your mother. I hope you don't mind too much, but I may have fudged a few details on your birth certificate."

"I would hope so, I'm sure they'd be questioning my age at the very least."

"There's that. And place of birth, what was I supposed to say, 'alternate dimension'? No. You were born October 31, 1983 here in Haven, to me and one Mr. Edward Cross. An old friend of mine signed off as the delivering doctor."

Mara wanted to squeeze Duke's hand, but her fingers were too swollen. She really, really didn't want to cry, certainly not with so many people around. "Thank you. I can't..." She cleared her throat, stretching her neck.

Gloria stopped her with a wave of her hand. "Don't thank me. I always wanted a daughter. And you're good for my boy."

"How can you say that after tonight? What if the _Gull_ suffers?"

Gloria looked at Mara over her glasses. "You're smarter than that. You've been around here a long time, you show me a house or business in this town that hasn't had a body show up. This is Haven, sweet pea. We're New England born and bred. We don't let a body or ten throw us for a loop."

A shocked laugh burst from Mara's mouth and she tried to hide it by coughing into her elbow. The muscles in her arms protested the movement.

Shaking her head, Gloria took her glasses off. "Kid, you need x-rays. The ribs, both hands and wrists- hell, probably your neck and back for good measure."

"I don't want to. Please don't. I can scan myself and tell you what's broken."

"Mara-"

"You hush and let me handle this, Duke." His mouth shut with an audible 'click' and Mara wondered fleetingly if Gloria could teach her how to do that. "I'm damn well going to see that little son of a bitch rot in jail. I know you're upset and you're sick and you're scared and angry, but you doing this, letting us poke at you and take pictures could save countless women down the road, kid. If he walks because you're afraid to get x-rays, you know he's going to hurt other girls. Girls who don't have your abilities, girls who are weaker than you. I know you don't want that on your conscience. I know what you really are, not what those books say. You protect people. _This is how you protect people right now_."

"Gloria!" Duke's tone was angry but Gloria didn't even glance at him, her eyes boring holes in Mara.

Mara gazed back and her brow furrowed. Her hunched posture slowly straightened and she stretched her neck. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and strong. "You're right. If I want to prove I'm not what everyone thinks, I have to act like it. I'll go where you want me to."

Duke was dumbfounded, but Gloria smiled brightly, patting Mara's knee. "That's more like it. We're going to have to cut those rings off anyway, before the swelling cuts off your circulation. You don't want me to do that here, I'm getting old, might cut off something you want to keep."

Mara pressed her lips together to keep from laughing but there was a definite smile around her lips. "It _is_ harder to hide missing fingers than toes. Do you want us to just follow you?"

"Yes, I do. Dwight! You're done with her now, doctor's orders. She's going to the hospital. You fix those charges, don't forget what I said."

Dwight blushed and ducked his head like an errant child instead of a behemoth police chief. "I've got it under control, Gloria. It's taken care of."

They followed Gloria to the hospital and Mara was quiet as her rings were cut off and she moved herself through all the positions the x-rays required. Trying to twist her right wrist so they could get a lateral view, Mara let out a small, pained grunt. Duke, wearing a lead apron that matched Mara's, rubbed her back and Gloria stopped.

"Are you having a lot of pain, Mara?" Gloria looked at her seriously.

"Pain is relative. Am I in pain? Yes, but I've had worse."

"How limited are you on what you can take during pregnancy?"

"I'm not. Medications don't cross the placental barrier in my species."

Gloria grinned. "Why didn't you say so?" She trotted off across the hall, returning with a syringe and several bottles. "Arm out."

Mara held her arm out and Gloria gave her the shot. Within seconds her muscles began to relax and warmth spread through her chest. "Wow. This is... great. Can I take some of this home?"

"That's what the bottles are for. You'll need to take the anti-inflammatory every six hours, the hydromorphone every four and you can take the Versed- this liquid- every six hours as needed. It can make you a little loopy so no driving."

When the medication was working, Gloria took the rest of the x-rays and Duke sat with Mara as she read them.

Resting her head on Duke, Mara mumbled, "I can tell you what she'll find. One broken rib, the bones in my hand have shifted and there are simple fractures of the right ulna and radius. The neck is just minor whiplash and there's a small crack in the left ulna and right clavicle. She'll have to straighten the bones in my hand and if I'm lucky she'll leave it in a splint instead of a cast. The left doesn't even need that. An Ace bandage will manage that. She might want to tape my ribs but there's not much point. Taping hasn't been shown to actually help."

Pressing his cheek to her hair, Duke said, "Still, we're going to do whatever she says."

Mara shrugged, yawning, and Gloria came in with her x-rays, telling them everything Mara had just told Duke. Mara didn't say a word, just raising her eyebrows at Duke in a gesture that clearly said, "I told you so."

He couldn't help but smile at the teasing look.

Gloria insisted on doing a nerve block before she reset the bones in Mara's right hand, and Mara didn't bother arguing. With a woman like Gloria, you had to save your arguments for important things, and this just wasn't worth fighting. She sat unmoving through the entire thing, giving Duke an amused look when _he_ flinched at the sound of the bones moving.

"You're looking a little green, Crocker. You want me to ask the good doctor for some medication for you?"

"Oh, you're funny. It's just different when you're not the one getting worked on or the one doing the work."

"I'd rather it was me than any of you. I was thinking, I'm going to keep my hair long. I want something that's an obvious identifier between me and Audrey. I'd never forgive myself if she got hurt because of me."

"Are you sure? You should look how you want to look. Audrey wouldn't expect you to change for her. None of us do."

"Yeah well, aside from how fun it is confusing Nathan, I still prefer long hair."

His arm tightened around her shoulders. "I like the long hair too, to tell the truth."

"Win-win. I'll figure out another way to mess with Nathan."

Gloria finished strapping on the new, bigger splint, putting the medications in a bag and brushing the hair out of Mara's face. "Now listen. I want you to go home and _rest_. No roughhousing or running around or anything for at least a couple of days."

Mara nodded. "What about working with Audrey, training her to use the Aether? I- hell, I haven't had a chance to tell anyone but Duke. My brother William, Charlotte did something to him and I'm trying to get him to come home. If he does, he can remove the implant himself. He has a lot of practice."

"Your brother as in the one who was messing with the Troubles?"

Mara grimaced thinking of Aaron and Ben, the son Gloria had lost because of the twisted Trouble.

The one Duke had been forced to kill.

"She was controlling him somehow. I tested the message myself, there was no trace of deceit, none. He can use Aether, but not like I can. There's no way he could have faked those results. I'll find a way to keep her from controlling him again, but Gloria he might be our best shot at getting rid of Charlotte for good. I don't want to upset you though. You've done so much for me, I don't want to break your trust."

"Sweet pea, we all have our cross to bear. If you say he was being controlled and that he can be good, I trust you. Might be awhile before I trust him, but I trust you. Do what you have to, especially if he can remove that implant."

"Thank you so much. I don't expect you to trust him and I'd never ask you to forgive him for what he did, but that's not who he is, or not who he was before Charlotte did whatever she did."

"Mara, we don't forgive for other people. We forgive for ourselves, so we don't have to carry all that hate and pain around."

Cocking her head, Mara asked, "How do you learn to forgive someone truly awful? Someone like Charlotte?"

"Well, I'm a big fan of forgiveness, but I find some people easier to forgive once they're in the ground and can't hurt anyone. That's just my experience."

Mara chuckled, nodding. "That's kind of what I thought. Thank you for everything... Mom."

Gloria beamed at her. "I'll call to check on you. If you need anything at all, you call me. And don't worry yourself about any of the legal garbage. I'll make sure everything is taken care of." Gloria hugged Mara gently and Duke led her to the Land Rover, keeping his hand on her arm as he drove.

"You can touch my hand, Duke. I can't do much with it right now but your arm is going to get a cramp at that angle."

He shook his head, smiling. "You're unbelievable. Your hands are so swollen you can barely move them, you've got a huge laundry list of injuries and you're worried about me getting a muscle cramp."

Mara just huffed a disgruntled sigh.

* * *

Back on the _Rouge_ they lay naked in bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to each other breathe and the sound of the storm that still hadn't abated. Mara's head lay on Duke's arm as he held her, the sheet draped over them.

"On television, they always act like groups of bad guys attack one by one. I guess it's supposed to be dramatic or something, but I always thought it was stupid." She was whispering, but there were no more tears in her voice.

"When a group attacks, the only way to ensure the upper hand is by all rushing in at once. Sometimes, those silly staged fights make me laugh, and sometimes they make me angry. If your enemy engaged one at a time, it wouldn't be nearly as dramatic or interesting as they want it to look. It's easy to fight to disable when it's a fair fight. Though any kind of group vs. individual fighting is unfair by nature.

"But I keep thinking; I killed them one by one. Like a silly television fight. Why do you think that is?"

He tilted his head back and forth, dark eyes intent as he thought it over. "Because the reverse of what you said is also true. A group dog piles an individual. They've got multiple ways of striking, but the individual is limited. So they have to fight smart. Instead of wasting time and energy just flailing around, they disable each target as the opportunity arises. The individual must, by definition, focus on individual targets, just in more rapid succession, and they have to make sure each target stays down, because if they get up, the fight just continues."

Mara considered. "So even if you kill- or disable- them one by one, you don't think that indicates some level of malice or premeditation?"

"In that scenario? Absolutely not. I honestly can't think of a circumstance that would make me think it was planned, not in a 4 on 1 fight. Maybe if you'd put a grenade with a tag on the pin that said 'pull me', but then, if they were dumb enough to fall for that I really wouldn't want to be swimming in the same gene pool."

"You're not, you know."

"Not what?"

"Swimming in the same gene pool. I mean, yes- I have a long history and I can't even guess at how many times I was used in the Barn times, but to my knowledge, besides Audrey I'm the only woman from my home on this world. Well, the only fertile woman except Audrey. Our genes are different. This baby could have abilities. They could even have both our abilities. He's unique, so we can barely guess."

"Would it be just like your ability or could it be anything?"

Mara shrugged against him. "Unique, remember? I'm different from my own people in so many ways. Usually abilities are like Troubles, they run in families. But neither of my parents is gifted. My gift is related to but unequal in power to William's ability. Nothing about me has ever made sense. But James was Immune, like me. I never got a chance to really prove he had abilities- I was locked under Lucy- but I think he did. He was showing promise in several areas, and the art was particularly close. He was starting to create with his drawings- like the other girl but stronger, and I'm sure that given time and training he would have done other amazing things. And we already know Jennifer was gifted."

"What do you think will happen with William?" His fingers stroked her ribs in a lazy oval.

"Ideally, he comes home, I find a way to alter him so whatever Momma was doing to him can't be done again. After that it's up to him. I'd never ask, but I do wonder what would happen if he came back to her, like a spy."

"She did say she'd turn the implant off if you brought him back. You're sure we can trust him?"

"I'm sure he passed my test. She did _something_ to him. When I sent the orb back to him, I did tell him that I was in love. I want him to know what to expect. And I hid coding in that orb too, just in case he didn't take that very well. We'll just have to wait and see. If he passes the second test, I will help bring him through. If he fails, then I know. Audrey is scared to use the Aether and she really doesn't want to have to remove the implant. It would be nice to have a fallback plan, just in case." Mara yawned widely.

"Go to sleep, beautiful."

"I'm afraid I'll have nightmares."

"Not while I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. Will you please wake me up if you have to use the bathroom? Your knife is gone anyway and you couldn't use it with your fingers so swollen."

"I did say I'd do it when I couldn't handle things on my own. Yeah, Duke. I'll wake you up."

He smiled like she'd given him a gift. "Thank you."

"For what, wrecking your night and dragging you with me to pee?"

He shrugged. "For letting me in."

* * *

 

Mara slept dreamlessly and woke in Duke's arms. She had to pee, but so, so much worse, she needed the medication Gloria had sent home with her. Her entire body ached and when she held her hands up, they were so swollen and discolored she could barely move them.

The medication would have to come first. She really, truly hated being dependent on anybody, but it seemed that the universe had some kind of lesson for her.

"Duke? Duke, wake up, please. I need help." She kissed his shoulder and tapped the splint against his chest.

His eyes blinked open and he looked down at her. "You're awake."

"I am. That's why I woke you. I need help."

He stretched, keeping his arm around her. "What do you need?"

"First, I really need the medication. I'm not completely sure I'm going to be able to move without it. Then I have to pee."

He smiled as he reached over to grab the bag of medication, digging out the pills and putting them in Mara's mouth, holding the water bottle so she could swallow them and then giving her the liquid. "Can you wait for those to work or do you need the bathroom sooner?"

"I don't think I can wait."

He pulled back the covers, climbing out her side of the bed so he could keep a hand on her, and he picked her up cautiously, mindful not to touch the dark bruises or broken rib. As he carried her to the bathroom, he spoke seriously. "You bruised up pretty good. Don't freak out when you look, okay? You're still beautiful and the bruises will fade. This will all be a memory soon."

She smiled wryly as they entered the bathroom and he set her on her feet, one hand on her shoulder. "I've been hurt before, Duke, and worse than this. I'm not going to lose my mind over a few bruises."

Mara emptied her bladder, glaring at Duke when he asked if she needed help. She got enough movement from her left hand to take care of her needs, stopping to brush her teeth. She stared into the mirror as she brushed.

Duke wasn't lying, she looked bad. Road rash on her face and inky bruises in places she didn't remember getting hit.

Oh well. At least Charlotte had lost money and still not gotten what she wanted. Mara smiled at her reflection in vindictive glee.

"What are you grinning at?"

"Just thinking about Momma wasting her money. It's almost funny. I don't know how much she paid them, but she lost her money and they never got to spend it. I think that's a win."

He threw back his head, laughing loudly, and the sound made Mara smile more.

"That's my girl."

He'd just carried her back to bed when the phone rang. Duke cuddled her into his side as he answered and she rested quietly, one arm over his chest as the medication started to relax her. He held the phone away for a minute, thumb over the mouthpiece as he whispered. "Nate and Audrey want to come over and see you, is that okay?"

She shrugged and grimaced as her body protested. "As long as you help me get dressed, I don't care. See if you can get them to bring ginger ale."

Duke repeated her request into the phone, hanging up. "We don't have to get dressed for a little bit. How are you feeling?"

"Better than the other guys."

"How did you sleep?"

"You were right, I didn't have nightmares. Thank you for that."

"My pleasure. I mean it. I hate that you're hurt, but I'm glad you're letting me help you."

"I have to get used to it if we're having a baby, right?"

He grinned brightly. "That's right. Our kid is going to be awesome. I hope she's just like you."

Mara clutched her chest as she laughed. "That's going on the record. Nobody has _ever_   wished for someone else like me. Most don't even want the original me! And _he_ is going to be just like _you_. Smart and worldly and good."

"You're all of those things, Mara. And it took me awhile to realize it, but I think I've been wishing for you for a long time."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanted someone who loved me. Someone smart, who can keep me on my toes. Someone with my passion for learning. Someone brave and strong who would still lean on me, that I could support too. I wanted a partner, and I never found all of those things in one person before."

"Right. I'm not old, I'm just a good vintage."

He laughed, kissing her hair.

"Duke?"

"Mara?"

"Obviously I have a lot of stories you still don't know from before, but I have one particular story that's about you, and I wondered if you want to hear it."

"Of course I want to hear it. I want to hear everything you're willing to tell me."

"How much do you remember from when you jumped into the Barn?"

He stretched while he thought back. "Not a lot. I remember jumping, and the blinding light. I could hear Audrey talking and I yelled for her. Then I saw the holes that looked like they were burning, the same color as what surrounds your handprints when you use Aether, and then I was in the water. Then handcuffs."

"And you figured that you missed the six months because of the way time moves in the Void?"

"Exactly. Why?"

Mara shifted a little to rest her arm on Duke's chest, enjoying the way Duke's skin felt against the planes of her body. She turned her head to press a kiss to his skin and hesitantly, she started talking.

"Time does pass differently in the Void, obviously. It's not linear, it's not cyclical, it's just like everything else about the Void- chaotic. You remember how Audrey Two had her memory erased when she came out of the Barn?"

"Yeah. I still feel guilty about that. I shouldn't have taken her out there."

"She'd have hired someone else if you hadn't taken her, Duke. None of that was your fault. But you know the Barn takes memories. You were there longer than a few minutes, Duke. You were there for at least three days, maybe four.

"The first day, after I got my own memories back, I found you there wandering around. Byron wasn't there to keep you out and Momma hadn't come and it was before they planted the Lexie personality and William came. I sat down with you and told you everything. Tried to explain the difference between me and Audrey, and between Audrey and the other personalities. About the lives, about the Troubles, about me. I was-" her eyes slipped closed and she sighed deeply, "I was so happy to be able to talk to you as just me. To tell you everything and see the look in your eyes as it started making sense to you. It was cathartic. We talked all day and most of the night. I told you that I was awake in Colorado, that I was jealous and it was me that kissed you.

"The second day we played cards and I gave you a drink from my world, but it was in a mason jar. Blue, shiny stuff? After your second drink you kissed me on the mouth and then you apologized, said you were buzzed. I never told you that that drink didn't lower inhibitions or alter your feelings, it just made sensations stronger. But you were blushing and apologizing so I let you have your story.

"The third day, I walked in on you and you were naked. And you stayed naked. We stayed together the whole day. It was one of the best days of my life. I told you to look in my eyes, that I needed you to be able to recognize me from any of the others. You didn't look away from me once the entire time, and the look on your face the first time we had sex burned itself into my brain."

Duke's hand tightened on her hip. "I was there with you? You told me everything? We made love?"

"Yeah. You didn't get expelled from the Barn until just before they started the Lexie program. When I landed back in Haven, when I was still trapped under Audrey but I was starting to bleed through, I kept praying that you would remember. That you would help me. Obviously that didn't happen, but I think it's part of the reason you could always tell me and and Audrey apart. The first time you brought me a drink in a mason jar, I thought you'd remembered something. I wanted so badly for you to remember. I wanted to make you see me the way you had before, because you never looked at me like a monster in the Barn."

"Is there any way to... I don't know, give me the memories back? Are they just hidden or actually taken away?"

She rubbed her feet against his legs as she thought. "Actually removing a memory is much harder than just hiding it. It's probably still in there, just hidden. I could try. If I use just a bit of Aether maybe it will burn away the block."

"Do it. Please?"

Mara took a deep breath, pressing her fingers against his chest and letting the Aether flow out slowly. Duke's eyes shone silver and he gasped, tears rising in his eyes.

"Oh god, I remember talking to you. You- you told me everything. Everything that's happened, you had already explained. Mara... you begged me for help and I _forgot_."

His tears spilled over and she stretched to brush one with her lips, her eyes slipping closed as she tasted the salty water.

"You didn't forget, Duke, she hid your memories. That's what the Barn does. It destroys. Memories, mostly, but if things had gone any more wrong, it would have killed every Troubled person in the world."

Duke's breath hitched and the tears continued to fall. "What do you mean?"

"If Audrey had killed Nathan, or if I had killed you, the Barn was wired to send out a pulse that would kill anyone with a Trouble, active or not. It would have ended the Troubles, but only by ending the people who carried the Troubles."

He looked sick, the tears slowing. "She almost did it, Mara. She was going to..."

"I know, and I was getting ready to claw my way out to stop her. Thankfully William's Aetherlings distracted her, and then they found that 'what was once our salvation will be our doom' prophecy and I calmed down. Like I told you, I didn't want to hurt her, I just wanted to fix it. I wanted my home and my freedom. I was prepared to kill for it, but I didn't want to.

"I know what everyone thought of me. What Nathan thought of me." Mara smiled faintly. "He really liked that fucking shock belt. I'd be doing absolutely nothing but walking and bam, twitching on the ground. When I'd ask him why the fuck he did that, he'd get that smug grin and say the belt was your idea and that his finger slipped or I looked like I was going to run or whatever. I was praying for the day when he'd do it while I had a hand on him, because he would have gotten shocked too and I would have peed myself laughing. And it wasn't because he was scared, it was because he was mad. Or he thought it would make me vacate my body, like I could do that so easily."

"No, he did? He was shocking you for no reason?" Duke sounded so scandalized it made Mara laugh.

"I remember one time, he did it and I was still on the ground, I looked up and said, 'Please sir, may I have another?' He pretended not to get the reference and shocked me again! So I catch my breath and ask him why he did that and he said, 'Because you asked nicely' and I said, 'Please sir, will you quit fucking shocking me?' and he hit it again and said to watch my language because there might be kids around. I asked him if he wasn't more concerned with kids seeing a cop shocking an unarmed woman and he immediately replied that there were no kids around. We went back and forth for ten minutes before he finally said he'd shock me again if I didn't start walking."

Duke couldn't help but laugh, picturing the ridiculous confrontation. "On the one hand, I'm pissed that he was going around shocking you for no reason, but I can just imagine that, and I wish I could have seen it."

Her smile was breathtaking. "Your wish is my command." Turning her left hand palm up, Mara focused on the memory, letting it play above her hand for Duke. His eyes narrowed as he watched Nathan playing with the remote but Mara's words made him laugh, and then he was laughing uncontrollably, his face red and his free hand holding his belly. His mirth made Mara laugh, too, and they laid together laughing like idiots for several minutes.

He was still grinning when he turned his head to look at her. "You're amazing. I want to watch that at every holiday party. Some people show videos of their kids dance recitals or vacation pictures, but I want to watch that video all the damn time. I know how tough you are, that there's nothing he could have done that you couldn't have given him right back, but he was so awful to you, didn't it ever scare you?"

Mara considered, stretching her shoulders. "I admit he scared me a little with the whole knife to the throat, but he totally shot himself in the foot and didn't realize. You remember when you were threatening to cut off my toe and I made you stop by suggesting Audrey would get hurt? I already knew she wouldn't. The day you separated us, you guys were so distracted by Audrey being back that nobody noticed that the blade had broken the skin on my throat. When I was looking at her I could she was unmarked, and since the wound was fresh, she would have gotten it if we'd been bonded.

"I knew it was safe. Which is why I cut my own toe off- I could get what I needed without actually hurting Audrey. I probably might have hurt her a little if I had to, but I didn't want to actually damage her. I never killed anyone who didn't deserve it, not ever. It was one thing I was so careful about. Assholes or not, they're still my people. It didn't matter that they forgot me, it only mattered that I swore to protect them. You. All the Troubled people. Even when I was angry I took my oath seriously. It was why I wanted you to finish that doctor off. To end a terrible cycle of violence and pain. He was beating his girlfriend. The woman I killed, she was tormenting her little girl. Same with Kurt, though he didn't hurt kids, he hurt plenty of other people. He was useful, but he was a monster. I wish Dwight hadn't stopped him from beating the snot out of Momma though."

Duke chuckled. "I think even Dwight wishes he hadn't intervened now."

"I guess we should get dressed, huh?"

"I don't mind being naked."

"You're an exhibitionist. Normally I'm good with that. But with Audrey and Nathan? No. He lost the right to see me naked after the fifth 'just checking to make sure it works' shock." She laughed quietly. "If I pick my clothes can you help me get dressed?"

"Only if you promise I can undress you again when they're gone."

Mara brushed her lips against Duke's. "I give you my solemn vow."

He helped her up and she walked slowly to the clothes Duke had insisted on hanging in his closet. He kept his ankle hooked around hers and he pulled a shirt on, taking her arm as he slid into a pair of pajama bottoms. She ran her fingers over everything, finally settling on soft yoga pants and a tank top, but her fingers wouldn't grasp the hangers. Growling, she finally said, "Duke? I need some help. These hands are useless. Can you grab this shirt and these pants?"

"Of course I will. Next time, just ask me first."

"I don't expect my hands to be incapacitated for that long. I have to try and keep moving or the swelling will just get worse and eventually my muscles will atrophy."

"Keep your fingers on me." Duke reminded seriously, and Mara pressed her fingers to his neck as he squatted to help her step into her pants and pulled the tank top over her head, switching hands as she slipped each arm through the straps.

They linked arms and walked out to the living room, Mara following Duke as he started the coffee before they settled down on the couch.

"How long are you going to have to keep the _Gull_ closed?"

"Only today. But I'm staying home with you for the next few days."

She considered arguing, but cuddled closer instead. "Thank you."

Duke looked honestly bewildered. "What for?"

"For being you. For not being mad about yesterday."

"Oh baby, come here." He tightened his arm around her, pulling her to sit sideways in his lap so he could wrap both arms around her, holding her close. "Of course I'm not mad at you. I'm mad as hell about a lot of other things; I'm mad that Dwight and I didn't hear you, I'm mad that I didn't see them get up and go after you. You _warned_ me and I said I'd keep an eye on them. I fucked up and you paid for it, that pisses me off. But you didn't do anything wrong."

"It's not your fault, Duke. We were _both_ watching them, and you offered to throw them out when they first came in. But even if you had, they'd have just waited outside. Charlotte planned it out well. She knew when I'd have to do something about the implant, and she told them my eyes were trick contact lenses. She made it so they wouldn't even be afraid, that they wouldn't pay attention to the signals that show I'm dangerous."

Duke scoffed. "If you were dangerous, you'd have kicked the shit out of me or Nate by now. We've certainly deserved it sometimes."

Mara ran her stiff fingers over Duke's arm, whispering. "That's different. You're... family, for lack of a better word. You should be able to get mad at family without hurting them. That's what I think, at least. Not that you'd know from my mother. We used to pretend that Charlotte wasn't really our mother, that she'd stolen us from someone. We'd never seen gifted children from non-gifted parents. As obsessed with Aether as Charlotte is... I can see her snatching us from a park or store. A girl can dream."

They held each other, cuddling on the couch waiting for their friends as the storm continued to embrace Haven.


	11. Instinct to Defend

There was a knock at the door and Duke shouted for them to use their key, keeping Mara wrapped up in his lap.

Audrey led the way in, a laptop under her arm, and Nathan held up two six packs of ginger ale, opening one and offering it to Mara. She reached to take it and growled under her breath when her fingers wouldn't bend. "Would you just put that on the table for me, please?"

"Sure, Mara. You feeling any better?" Nathan's eyes were gentle and a little sad as he looked at her.

"Nobody ever feels better the first day after an injury. The first three days are the worst, after that you start improving. But the drugs Gloria gave me are lovely."

Duke narrowed his eyes at Nathan. "Mara was just telling me about your fondness for shock belts, Nate."

Nathan blushed dark red and rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought she-" Nathan sighed and looked at the ceiling before looking down at Mara again. "I'm sorry, Mara. I shouldn't have shocked you."

She grinned at him. "I've handled tougher than you and your joy buzzer, Wuornos. We're good."

He smiled back at her. "Thanks."

"What about shocks, now?" Audrey looked up from the computer, where she was typing.

"Show her!" Duke urged. Mara smiled, shaking her head in amusement and letting Duke's new favorite video play.

Audrey looked honestly shocked and angry, opening her mouth to yell at Nathan when Mara said, "Wait for it."

When Mara and Nathan started bickering in the video, Duke cracked up again and Audrey pressed her hand to her mouth, trying to conceal her laughter. "Honestly, you two are ridiculous. I'm surprised Mara didn't develop some kind of tic from all that electricity."

"I said I was sorry!"

"Too late, Nate. Now that I know she can record memories, you'll never be able to lie your way out of anything again."

"I'll still cover for you if it's something good. Or if you bribe me."

Nathan shook his head and walked into the kitchen, coming back with an ice pack wrapped in a clean dish towel. "For your hands. Might help with the swelling."

Mara looked up with a smile. "Thank you, Nathan. Sit down. What's with the computer, Audrey? Usually you only play games at work."

"Nathan plays more than I do, and I'm not playing a game. I have the security footage from last night, I thought you'd want to see."

She didn't. She really didn't. But it was obvious from his expression that Duke did, so Mara sat silently as Audrey finally found the right spot and brought the computer over, sitting next to them on the couch and tilting the screen to them.

Breathing slowly, Mara tried to keep herself distant as the video started, seeing herself come out of the bar and taking her knife out. But she found herself morbidly curious- because she looked like Lexie, it was a little easier to distance herself, to pretend it was just happening to another personality. When the fighting started, she actually admired 'Lexie'; her grace, speed and agility really were almost beautiful.

Duke was staring in rapt fascination, and his arms tightened around Mara when she fell. He didn't look away, occasionally twitching like his body was imagining what it would have done if he'd been out there. She could feel his angry shaking when her clothes were being torn at, and he smiled viciously when he saw Mara break the survivor's nose and end the last attacker.

Mara took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly and keeping her expression impassive. "What does this mean for me?"

Audrey thought over her words before she spoke. "Since the image quality is mediocre and you can't really make out the other two bodies, we've found there's some kind of interference, probably from the storm, in the middle of the video. Nobody will see what happened to the other two, but you can clearly see that they attacked you without provocation, so we'll just have to go by the autopsy reports that Gloria filed. It means that you're free. The last one is currently in the Freddie, because honestly- nobody is going to believe that a girl's eyes turned red and that she 'used magic' on the other two."

Nathan leaned forward. "All you need to focus on now is getting well. Once the paperwork is done, your part of the case is closed."

She nodded, leaning into Duke. She felt odd, a little nauseated and she was starting to shake. Mara wondered briefly if she was having a bad reaction to the medication. "Good. That's good."

Duke's eyes flashed to hers. "What's wrong, Mara? You're shaking."

"I-" she leaned forward a little, wrapping her arms around her middle. "I don't feel very well."

"It's probably shock, maybe you shouldn't have watched the video." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up.

"Not shock," Mara gasped, "something's not..."

She lurched forward, only staying upright because Duke's arms were still holding her tight. Her body arched back in an unnatural angle before her spine snapped straight again. Nathan stood quickly, hand already on his gun as he stared intently.

Mara's head jerked back and forth for a minute, like she was seeing something invisible to the others. Her blue eyes turned black as pitch, wheeling blindly and her jaw opened wide. The chaotic roar of the music of the Void poured from her mouth. When she spoke, her lips didn't move, the sound coming from somewhere in her chest, her voice- yet not her voice, too masculine by far to sound like Mara's throaty purr- sounded staticy, like it was coming from a broken radio. The voice was hard to make out, but the cadence and inflection, the tone humorous even with serious words, was painfully familiar.

"In two days, at exactly 12:34- pm, to civilians- you need to open the door. Say it with me now, at 12:34, you must _open the door_. If I get splattered again because you Luddites forget to put a battery in your watch, I will be, say it with me, _unhappy_! That's right, boys and girls, unhappy. So far, you haven't seen me unhappy, so I gotta tell ya, spoiler alert- you just won't like it. So! We're gonna try this again. But I gotta say, I'm starting to get just the teeniest bit worried that you're slower on the uptake than I thought.

"The first splatter, eh, whatever- that one's a gimme. The second splatter, I figured what the hell, maybe you're just not listening to her. By the sixth splatter, I started wondering if you got trigger happy and put a hole in her, but I checked once I got un-splattered and nope, same number of holes I had before the splatter.

"Now, I know this girl better than _anyone_ , and I know she didn't just give up and she could talk the Pope into going down on her _in the Vatican_. So it's not on her. I think the smart money is on- are you listening? You are, aren't you? Do I sound sexy? Do I have a voice for radio or what?- smart money is on _interference_!

"Now, that technically could be any number of things. Hurricanes, earthquakes, general calamity- I mean, it _is_ Haven. But if it got in _her_ way, sidelined her? I'm thinking fingers in pies they shouldn't be in, if you catch my drift. Oh, you have dirty minds, I like it. So we have the usual suspects. I wonder who it is? I predict... Mommy Dearest. If I'm right, you owe me 20 bucks. If it's someone else, well, you just get bragging rights. I seem to have lost my wallet during the fourth splatter.

"Listen, I told you I like you guys, but if I splatter again, I'm taking Crocker and Wuornos _off_ my Christmas card list. I'm serious guys, the newsletter and everything. Don't test me. Oh, one more quick warning before I go. If either Mara or Audrey- congrats on that, by the way. We're technically triplets now. Mazel tov! If either of them has a kid in hand with no ring on their finger when I get there, I'll show you what else I can use a cigar trimmer on. Kiss my girls for me. No tongue, 'cause that'd be weird. Well, okay, a little tongue, maybe some over-the-clothes action. But that's all.

"Repeat again! At 12:34 you must what? That's right! _Open the door_. 2 days. Big money, no splatters. This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Nah, I'm kidding, it'll just repeat. That'd be stupid, I'd deserve the splatter for that, am I right?"

The old song 'I'll Be Seeing You' played for a moment, and Mara shook, choking and gagging until an orb fell from her mouth as her eyes turned blue and finally focused. "Duke? What happened? Oh gods, my head hurts."

Duke was frantic, and Audrey had rushed to drop to her knees at their feet, her hands on Mara's legs. Nathan was still staring, but his hand moved slowly from his holster so he could lay it supportively on Duke's shoulder, squeezing.

"Mara, baby are you okay? Fucking hell, what just happened?"

She gazed at them all in confusion, and Audrey carefully picked up the orb that had fallen from Mara's mouth. Her eyes were tight, expression tense, but her voice was quiet and strong. "That was William's voice. I'd know it anywhere."

Pressing the heels of her purple hands against her aching head, Mara looked at Audrey. "What voice? Someone tell me what happened, please!"

Audrey held her hand out, the orb sitting on her palm. "You said you felt wrong and then you kind of... contorted. Your eyes were empty but they were spinning around, almost like a seizure, and then the noise started coming out of your mouth even though your lips weren't moving. It- it sounded like what I heard in the Void. Then it turned into words. When it ended, you looked like you were going to throw up and the orb fell out of your mouth."

Mara held the orb up, staring at it for a moment before bringing the fingers of her splinted hand up and crushing it between her stiff fingers. The message played again, this time from her blackened hand.

She narrowed her eyes in concentration as she listened and when it was over, she scrubbed her hands together, trying to re-form the orb. After a minute of trying to rub her fingers together, Mara huffed and let it absorb, stretching as the Aether tried to fit inside her. When it settled in and her shaking stopped, she melted against Duke, exhausted.

"Audrey's right, that's William. He's the only one but me who calls closed-door Void contact 'splatters'. He can't open doors, he has to have me to do that. That's why the door had to be open for Lexie-Audrey to get back from the Barn. I wasn't in control of the door with her dominant. He's been trying to get back but the Thinnies are locked and the door is closed. He must have been desperate to get the message to us quickly, so he swallowed the orb, knowing the bond would force it to work through me. He's coming home." She smiled softly, nuzzling Duke's neck.

Nathan stared at Mara like she'd lost her mind. "Isn't that a Very Bad Thing? He's the one who gave you to Charlotte, right?"

"I didn't get a chance to tell you, I'm sorry. I sent messenger orbs with hidden test coding. To see if maybe Momma had somehow done something to force him to comply, a little like what she's doing to me right now. I got the first orb back last night, and it showed no evidence of deceit. She did something to him. It sounds like he wasn't even aware of a lot of it. I understand he scares you and you don't trust him, but she did something to him. He felt horribly guilty, he was desperate to pull me up and he thought I'd get control and manage to fix the Harker's. He was trying to save me.

"I'm not asking you to trust him or forgive him, but he's experienced with Aether-surgery, he's operated on me a dozen times. I know how scared you are to do it, Audrey. He's the best chance we have of getting the implant out of me and even getting rid of Momma. If I can figure out how she was controlling him I can fix it so she can't do it again. Right now, he's our best hope. I know he scared you, but he's not Momma, and she's not going to just stop coming after me."

Duke kissed her head. "It's okay, beautiful. We agreed on this." He looked between Nathan and Audrey. "He could save my family, guys. Please, for me and for Mara, for our kid. If she says he's okay, I trust her. Fuck, Nate- hasn't she suffered enough?"

Mara gazed at Nathan and he stared back for several moments. Finally he reached out to stroke her hair. "Your word is good enough for me."

She smiled up at him, blinking back tears. "Thank you, Nathan. Thank you." She cocked her head and looked down at Audrey. "What about you?"

"He was only messing with me to get to you. I know you'd never risk Duke or your baby. I trust your judgement."

Mara's eyes slipped closed and she breathed deeply. "Thank you. I give you my word, if I'm somehow wrong about him, I'll handle it. I won't let anyone get hurt. But I really, really want you to know who he used to be."

Duke hugged her gently and looked at Audrey. "Will you please get the meds from my nightstand? Just the liquid and the hydromorphone, she's got awhile before she needs the anti-inflammatory. It's a little early, but she can't relax with her head pounding."

"Sure, of course." Audrey hopped up and headed for the bathroom and Nathan went to the kitchen to get her a straw for her ginger ale.

Mara raised her eyebrows at Duke, whispering, "Did you see that? You spoke and they just _did_. Did I step into some kind of alternate dimension? Are you a cop? I didn't hear a single argument!"

Duke had to press his face against Mara's shoulder to hide his laughter, still grinning when Audrey gave him the bottles and he fed Mara more medicine. "Watch out, Crocker. I might decide I like this thing with you waiting on me hand and foot." She cocked her head and squinted, pressing her lips to his ear to mutter, "I'd certainly like you to wait on other parts of me."

He coughed hard, turning red as Nathan slipped the straw into Mara's drink. She smiled sweetly, a devilish look in her eye as she thanked Nathan.

Nathan took a seat and Audrey sat next to him, holding his hand. He was obviously mulling something over in his mind, and he finally gave in and asked. "What's a 'splatter' and what does it do, Mara?"

"When you're traveling the Void, you have to either be able to open doors or have someone to open them for you. I can open doors and William can't, so he relies on me for that. When you try to go through a closed door, it's way worse that trying to go through a locked Thinny. That gives you a painful shock. Hitting a closed door, though, that's like hitting a brick wall while you're going 200 miles an hour. It feels like your body hits the door and you turn inside out, eventually re-forming facing away from the door. It's incredibly painful and for him to have done it six times and be willing to try again... he really, really wants to get home. He wouldn't put himself through that just for Momma, there's no way."

Duke looked at her curiously. "Have you ever splattered?"

"Absolutely. I was the one who first started calling them that. Remember how I told you about my time trapped in the Void? It didn't take me six human years to find the way home, it took that long to learn how to open doors. The first time I did it it took a solid hour of honing my Intent enough to force the door open, and I was full of Aether then. Like I said, I'd been wounded and I'd been so sick for awhile, and the Void is full of Aether, so it tried to help me.

"Now I can open a door on the fly, without any preparation at all. My mother... she's an awful person. A monster. But she did make me stronger, I'll give her that much."

"Bullshit." Duke frowned broodingly. "She didn't make you stronger, _you_ made you stronger. All she did was hurt you and scare you and play god with your life. And why? Because she's obsessed with Aether and she's jealous that it will work with you and not her. She's been using you to try to get power for herself. She hasn't done a damn thing for you. You made yourself, Mara. And she's petty and spiteful and hates that you're stronger than her. And that's not just the Aether.

"Mara, you're _stronger_ than her. That cowardly bitch sent four big guys after you, she thought she'd force you to submit to superior strength. But _you won_. You lived, and you saved our baby. I hate that you're so hurt, but at the same time, I'm so, so proud of you. Seeing that video..." He shook his head. "You were... you were _glorious_. The ways you were moving, the speed- especially knowing that the implant was live, bad enough that you were silent and you just kept fighting, it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It blew my mind, and even the guys you used the Aether on, you were so damn fast I could barely even see your hand moving.

"The closest I've ever seen, the only comparison I could make is when River was fighting the Reavers in Serenity. That scene was beautiful, but it was choreographed and rehearsed. You didn't even have time to think, and seeing something like that in real life, it's just humbling. I'm good in a fight, but you made that look beautiful."

Mara blinked, blushing slightly. It was strange to be complimented on something like killing, but the rational, scientific part of her understood what he was saying. People- humans, especially- were fascinated by violence, and sexuality was so closely related. Seeing real battle with smooth, sinuous movement, a woman at the center of that maelstrom of violence; it hit all the major areas of primal attraction in the species.

"Thank you. I appreciate that so much. I _am_ still sorry, I hate breaking a promise, but I thank you all for being so kind and understanding."

Nathan hesitated, but finally asked, "How did you learn to fight like that, Mara? I always wondered, since you can use Aether, how did you get so good at fighting?"

She smiled gently at Nathan. "It was mandatory. I had to take lessons in hand to hand combat, blades, staffs, swords... five times a week every week. It was before I got put in the Barn, but I don't forget things and I've had a lot of call to practice in each life. It's part of the reason I had so much trouble with that fight. In my lessons, we were taught that if you have to fight, you had to make sure your adversary stayed down. That meant fighting to kill. The idea was that any case that required physical combat was, by necessity, life and death. To save yourself, you had to keep the other person from getting up. When you leave an enemy alive, you're just prolonging another inevitable confrontation.

"The reason I had to learn even though I primarily use Aether is because there is always a chance I could get stuck somewhere and not have extra Aether to use. Which is exactly what happened. Why I had to plot and scheme to get the Aether to save Duke. If I get trapped without extra Aether and I don't know how to fight? I'm a walking target. Because of my uniqueness, I was drilled relentlessly. I was deemed too important to be risked, but not important enough to be free. William was trained too, but he's much better with a gun or blade than hand-to-hand. He's one of the best swordsmen I've ever seen. He once killed between 13 to 17 people- I never got an exact count- in less than the three minutes I was unconcious, when I was in danger."

The medication was finally forcing the headache back, and Mara relaxed, curled up in Duke's lap. Duke smiled wryly. "His message _was_ pretty funny. Has he always been like that?"

Mara's smile was fond. "Pretty much. It started as a way to cheer me up. I told you that I feel everything from the Aether, that I could feel the pain the damage was doing. Even before Samuel, I would fall into these depressive states sometimes, and he'd say something shocking just to make me laugh. It happened more and more as we grew and now it's just... part of him. It's his coping mechanism. In that message, for instance, I could hear his honest fear of getting splattered again, his fear that Momma's done something really bad to me, his joy that Audrey got to live _and_ I got to live too, and his ridiculous protective streak. It was an apology, too. If he could make you laugh, in his mind that wipes away one time he scared you or made you cry.

"Also, I could feel his sorrow over what he'd done. He talked about me like I'm some kind of amazing, unstoppable force. Yes, I can usually talk people into things, but I think the Pope example was a little extreme. He's trying to show his faith in me, his acceptance and honest happiness that Audrey could live and stay separate from me, that he trusted you guys and that he loved us and was sorry all in one message."

Duke kissed her shoulder. "So, the whole baby warning, he did specifically say 'in hand' and not 'in utero', so does that mean I'm safe, or do I have to start hiding the cigar trimmers?"

She rolled her eyes. "He has no say in that department and he knows better than to hurt someone I'm in love with. My William, not the William Momma controlled. He'd never hurt you knowing it would hurt me. He's just doing the 'man of the family' bit, trying to protect me. But I can protect myself. You only just figured out I'm actually in love with you, I'll not have William scaring you off with talk about rings. Besides," she held up her hands, "I can't wear any rings right now, even if they hadn't all gotten cut off. That part makes me a little sad. I loved some of those rings, and Lexie loved them."

Mara shrugged, trying to think of a way to steer them from talk of marriage. She loved Duke and trusted him, but she was still _her_ and she wasn't like them. She wasn't the kind of girl people married. She wanted Duke to settle into the idea of fatherhood. Ideally, she wanted him to want to keep her even after the implant was out and the baby safe. But a human wasn't going to choose to marry and settle down with someone like her.

"Don't be sad. I'm sure we can get them fixed, Mara. There's like 3 jewelers in town."

"Duke, did you see them? They weren't expensive rings to start with, they didn't hold up well. It's not a big deal, no more so than the clothes. Just a passing thought."

He smiled and touched her nose. "At least you still have this."

"Mm. Good point. Hey, Audrey, I told Duke, but I want you to know I'm going to keep my hair long, I want an obvious, visible difference between me and you. I don't want you getting hurt because of me. But you still have to be careful. William is right, you and I are genetically alike, Charlotte could come after you, too. Please stay near Nathan. I know you can take care of yourself, but so can I. That still didn't work out great."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be careful. Do you think he was serious about the whole 'triplet' thing?"

"I do. And he's right. Since we're the same genetically, it's no different than being an identical twin. Hell, that's why I called you for help in the first place. You were the closest thing I had to a sibling and... I was lonely and scared. I've been thinking of you that way since I called you."

Audrey smiled slowly, her eyes lighting up. "I never had a family, and now I have siblings. Wow."

Mara laughed. "I'm going to have to kill your mother though. Sorry. Not really. I'm not sorry at all."

They were laughing when there was a knock at the door. They looked around at each other and Nathan drew his sidearm, approaching the door. "Who is it?"

Vince's voice rumbled through the door. "It's me and Dave. We heard that Mara was injured. We just want to check on her. Dwight is with us."

Duke sighed deeply. "I can send them away if you want."

Mara shook her head with a grimace. "No, let them in. I owe them."

Nathan went to open the door for them and Mara's stomach rumbled loudly. She pressed her hand against it, blushing. "Baby is hungry."

"Well then, I guess the crew can stay for lunch."

"What the hell. I knew I'd have to face them at some point."

Duke pressed his lips to her ear and whispered. "Don't worry. I'm with you. Long-haul, Mara."

She tilted her head, searching his face. "You mean that?"

His smile stole her breath. "Yeah, I do. I've been looking for you for a long time. I'm not letting go now."

Hope and happiness swirled inside her. Almost a thousand years of existence, and her life was finally beginning.


End file.
